br0ken_w0lf Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 OK, this is probably going to sound weird but here goes. I think if there were two women that I was equally attracted to in every way and they were more or less identical in every way except that one had maybe had some rough experiences in her life or was currently going through some bad experiences (relationship or otherwise), and the other was not, that I would be more interested in the woman who had or is having problems. I would want to help her in any way possible and, in the case of relationship problems where maybe she had had bad prior experiences, I would want to ensure that she never goes through that type of experience again by being the best possible partner I could be. Is this some sort of sick requirement for me to feel needed by rescuing someone from trouble? Any amateur psychologists out there want to tackle this one? What does this say about me??
Tony T Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 Is this some sort of sick requirement for me to feel needed by rescuing someone from trouble? Any amateur psychologists out there want to tackle this one? What does this say about me?? 1. You could be a very empathetic person and understand the pain others have gone through and want to do something to comfort them. 2. You could be very insecure and feel like if you make a woman emotionally dependent on you by helping them and understanding their issues, that would make you more secure with them. 3. You could be creating codependent situations because of issues you now carry which originated in your childhood. It's not really important. Just set limits to what you are willing to do for anybody and never let those things interfere with your own happiness. Cheers!
Curmudgeon Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 Is this some sort of sick requirement for me to feel needed by rescuing someone from trouble? Any amateur psychologists out there want to tackle this one? What does this say about me?? Many of us men revel in our roles as the "go to guy" or the "fix it person." It's what we do. It's who we are. They'll be so grateful. We'll be so appreciated. Others will admire our sacrifice and nobility. In simple terms, it's usually codependency. We need the recognition and approbation to bolster our own self-images. It becomes all about us, not the person we're reaching out to. Based upon personal experience, given the choice between the person without baggage, or very little, and the person with more baggage than will fit in the overhead compartment, I would opt for the former!
Lovegod Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 It seems to be wired into a man's nature to be a "protector" of some sort, so don't feel bad for wanting to help women. However, there's a huge downside to this... The women who often need this help are high-maintenance, full of baggage, and are generally not worth the trouble. You'll likely drive yourself nuts while trying to "save" these women. It's basically instinct vs stress. Decide which one you want to follow.
Woggle Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 Pick a woman who already has herself togather because most women who go through drama over and over again willingly jump into it.
HouseOfCards Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 I don't think there's anything wrong with this. Maybe it just means that you want to help people in need. Nothing sick there. It's not like you're saying you're actually attracted to women BECAUSE they have issues to work out, right? Though I would agree with LoveGod, there is the slight possibility a girl like that could be drama-prone, and I'm not sure why any guy would be willingly attracted to that.
luvenoluveno Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 This is kind of a strange phenomenon that I think all guys naturally experience. When someone is suffering, we want to help them. However, some people who suffer take pleasure in bringing down others with them. Actually, this number is far greater than it should be. If you have a choice between two equal women but one is suffering, take the one who isn't suffering. Your life will be happier. Why? Because: 1. There is no guarantee that you will be able to fix suffering girl's problems. 2. Additionally, trying to fix a problem for a girl you are not dating can be seen as supplication, which would diminish your attractiveness to her. By supplication, I mean sacrificing time, money, and dignity for someone who has yet to prove their worth to you. This shows a lack of personal boundaries, and that is powerlessness, which is unattractive. Life is too short to spend being unhappy. Go with the happy girl.
monkey00 Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 This sounds to me like the guy version of the women's version of dating a jerk and trying to tame him to become a nice guy. Well anyway, i think it's just human nature to want to fix things...it's good for our ego and at the same time we truly do appreciate things we work hard for rather than receiving it on a silver platter.
dreaming4ever Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 Wow....that's too weird. I just started a post that's basically the same as yours where I'm wondering why I'm attracted to people with problems. If you figure it out let me know! lol
Lovegod Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 This sounds to me like the guy version of the women's version of dating a jerk and trying to tame him to become a nice guy. Women don't date jerks to tame them. They date jerks because they're exciting, confident, and fun.
Habibti Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 Women don't date jerks to tame them. They date jerks because they're exciting, confident, and fun. No, women date jerks because they are immature and don't know of the joys of being in a stable, joyful relationship where there is logic and compromise. There's nothing fun and exciting about dating a guy who blows you off on your birthday for a beer bottle and fake jugs, furthermore- jerks aren't confident either- if they were that confident they wouldn't have to treat women in degrading ways.
Lovegod Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 No, women date jerks because they are immature and don't know of the joys of being in a stable, joyful relationship where there is logic and compromise. If that is the case, then the majority of women in the world are immature and stupid. And that is one of the reasons I don't buy the whole "immaturity" issue. Most of the other reasons have to do with women's connection to their emotions.
j_hunt_12 Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 Yeah I kind of got that too I guess. My GF had some minor issues with health that really affected her. 95% of the time she is a great and loving GF who loves how I treat her, but she does have very low self-esteam and she is very emotional. This is one of the biggest problems in our relationship too. She will get mad at me and say annoying stuff for almost no reason and then the second I get angry back she will start crying, beg for forgiveness, and tell me that she is a "stupid girl". But I just forgive her and keep encouraging her... She is my mission blah blah blah... Just warning you. It does get annoying. Baggage = bad
Habibti Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 If that is the case, then the majority of women in the world are immature and stupid. And that is one of the reasons I don't buy the whole "immaturity" issue. Most of the other reasons have to do with women's connection to their emotions. I stand by my first thought. Immaturity and stupidity can but do not always go hand in hand. I know some people who are very very smart BOOKwise- but still very very immature.Are a majority of women in the world immature? Well, if they are so mature love and that ISN'T the issue- what is a mature women doing with some man who wants to **** around and play highschool?
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