SYRACUSE03 Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 I may be an idiot but here goes...trying not to keep it long but wanted to be as descriptive as possible. Quick tidbit...I'm 36, gradually getting back into the interest of dating and I try to display confidence and humor all the time. The last week I go to my dr.'s office for an injury follow up. The assistant comes in (who I met weeks before, prev. appt.) and immediately tells me about another employee in the office who wants to know if I would call her. She found me attractive and wants to know if I would take her number and call her after 8PM tonight. I said "sure" and thought to myself, "what do I have to lose". I asked about the woman (I vaguely remember her) and she described her (33) and then grabbed another worker to describe her. The employee told me that the last time I was in the office, she wanted to give me her number and she had a bunch of nice things she said about me. I'm not a rocket scientist but a bonehead like me would consider this a "hint" that she is interested to say the least. Now the good part. I called about 8:30 or so and left a message. I went to work the next day when I got home, she left a message on my house phone. The message said that she was "really glad" I called, "was hoping I was having a good day" and I could call her after 3PM the next day. I'm thinking...OK...so I called the next day and left a message. Since then...nothing at all...zero...zilch...nada. I sent a friendly text message Monday and now I'm done. I am actually more angry than anything. What did I miss? I called once left a message, then sent a text. She at least got one of them. I hate stupid games but if someone could shed some light on this, I would greatly appreciate it. I just don't understand why she would even initiate. Thanks for reading.
carhill Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 Dumb office contest to see how many clients they can game?
Legend Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 As borat would say. Women's brain is smaller, and they play stupid game!
so_sad Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 How long has it been since the call and the message? If it's only been a day or two, don't get upset. She might just be truly busy. I doubt she'd have gone out on a limb to get you to call her if she wasn't interested.
Author SYRACUSE03 Posted March 25, 2008 Author Posted March 25, 2008 Last Monday I got the # and called at night Tues she returned the call Wed I returned her call Mon I text'd her (light hearted) I agree with what you said but if something else came up...just tell me...don't just disregard me. I guess I'm an idiot because I don't understand it. It's not a big deal but people want to know why other people have hang ups. Thanks for the response.
Amy22 Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 This happened in a doctors office I worked at before. My first thought was if she went to work the next day talking about how you called her or word got around to somone higher up and maybe she was told it isn't professional to try and date the patient's. When the girl did it at my office management wasn't to happy about it. Just a thought. Amy
NuTuDating Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 I'd drop it and move on. If she wants to call you back, she will. Even if she did, I'm not sure I'd answer. Seems like she was either pressured into giving you her number by her coworkers, or she's a complete flake. The most remote chance is that she had some kind of emergency with family or friends, but even then, a considerate person would call and tell you she was busy or having an emergency. Either way, it's not a good thing and I wouldn't pursue it.
Author SYRACUSE03 Posted March 25, 2008 Author Posted March 25, 2008 Amy22 - I really don't think that is the case because I personally know the doctor but who knows. NuTuDating - I don't think she was pressured just listening to the message that she left on my machine. I guess I'm just hard headed and instead of brushing it off, I'm looking for some rational explanation...which doesn't seem likely.
AussieJack Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 I guess I'm just hard headed and instead of brushing it off, I'm looking for some rational explanation...which doesn't seem likely. Hard headed ? No, understandably confused, yes... OK lets pull this apart. She sent you a message initially via another person..not good. You had no opportunity to check out her body language and her facial expressions which would have happened if she had asked you to call her face to face.. Then you called her after 8pm (you obeyed her instructions, you good boy ) That meant to her, that you had no date and nothing else going on at 8pm. She also MAY have assumed that you have no other women in your life too. YOu have FED her ego nicely by now BUT you have gotten nothing for your efforts so far. She returns call with some lame girly greeting " ..having a good day" ...crap like you would hear at the checkout.. At this point I would have expected HER to be making a firm suggestion about a meeting for coffee at the least..." How about we hit Starbucks this week sometime and drown some Sweet and Lo .. Thursday 7 pm ? Call me ".. SO then you call again with no return from her and then you send her a "friendly text " SIX days later ..I would have dated two other new women by then.... mmm - you needs a'slappin' dude. All in all, this was a disaster because you did not steer this to where you wanted it to go - you left it all in her hands and guess where that usually goes. See, there is no way to know WHAT this woman really wanted. Women are pulled around by their feelings -which can change twice before lunch. She may have just wanted the ego buzz from gettiing some chump to chase her on the phone for a week. Who knows - the trick is to understand how to filter out the losers and the users and the attention wh0res quickly. Do this next time - Call her the day AFTER she suggests. Your message, " Hey ABC, this is SYRACUSE. I am planning to go to Starbucks Friday night. How about buying me a cup of tea and entertaining me with some sparkling conversation? Call me back tomorrow. Bye." Sounds a bit lame, but it is OK. If she is REALLY interested she will do what you suggests and call you - if not tear up her number. THe trick is to LEAD women ,never mold youreslf to suit her schedule.
Author SYRACUSE03 Posted March 26, 2008 Author Posted March 26, 2008 AussieJack - Awesome response! Thanks! Here is some specific details so it doesn't look like I am totally oblivious to women, which I am not. She passed the information thru the other person because she wasn't there when I came in for the 2nd appt. As soon as I came in, the assistant told me how interested her co-worker was. I took it in stride and took the number. Yes, stupid me for calling right away. The message that she left me was very receptive and it said, "catch up with me tomorrow after 3pm". I felt that we were playing phone tag, so I called about 6pm. I left a brief message...thats it. For the rest of the week, I wasn't about to call, text, etc. I gave it one last shot on Monday just to see if there was a response. There wasn't so that's why I'm here. I don't have time for the games or the BS. I can definitely understand it if I said something stupid or with a lack of confidence, etc., but I didn't. Anyway, I kind of agree with so_sad that why would she would go out on a limb. Thanks for the response and taking time to read my post.
AussieJack Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 I felt that we were playing phone tag, so I called about 6pm. I left a brief message...thats it. For the rest of the week, I wasn't about to call, text, etc. I gave it one last shot on Monday just to see if there was a response. There wasn't so that's why I'm here. . Phone tag is a bad game ! WE have all done it - but NEVER chase women via phone/text.. Use Emails - it is perfect to do the "to and fro" thing. IF a woman has a legitimate high interest level she will make it EASY for you to date her. However, there is a big group of women out there who love attention, mind games, tying guys up in knots, playing "now you see me -now you don't " and so on. If you date regularly you will meet some of these..GIve them ONE chance to prove that they are date worthy. The trick to dating is to spin a few women at once and dump those who don't measure up. NEVER chase a difficult woman. They never get less difficult over time. Good hunting SYRACUSE- Carry on soldier
Author SYRACUSE03 Posted March 26, 2008 Author Posted March 26, 2008 AussieJack - I agree...I just wish I was able to get an e-mail...this thing didn't even get past the voice mails! Thanks for the input!
ketostix Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 What's the chances that she was 33 and not fat but hot?
2sunny Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 is it possible that she was busy and/or out of town for the holiday?
AussieJack Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 AussieJack - I agree...I just wish I was able to get an e-mail...this thing didn't even get past the voice mails! Thanks for the input! BTW SYRA, did you ever lay eyes on this woman? How about at the doctors office.?
CD111 Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 For the record I totally agree with 90% of what Aussie had to say. Except the part about asking the girl to buy you a cup of tea and be the entertainment. If a guy I gave my number to left a message like that I would definitely not call back or call back and tell him I reconsidered on the fact that he was a cocky jerk. Who wants to put up with that ****. Don't get me wrong this has nothing to do with me expecting a guy to pay. On the contrary, I would totally expect to pay for my own drink in this situation. I personally find guys that are too stuck on themselves to be such a turn off, I wouldn't even consider giving them the time of day. On the other hand a girl that gives a guy her number, acts all excited and then just completely falls off the face of the earth is totally lame too. Go to your next dr. appointment with some really hot chick. haha
AussieJack Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 (edited) For the record I totally agree with 90% of what Aussie had to say. Except the part about asking the girl to buy you a cup of tea and be the entertainment. If a guy I gave my number to left a message like that I would definitely not call back or call back and tell him I reconsidered on the fact that he was a cocky jerk. Who wants to put up with that ****. Hey guys, read the post above because it raises a great issue that you alll need to know about. IF any of you have a "cocky" streak (I have a teeny one - ha, LOL) or are working on developing one, then read on. The way that you express your 'cockiness' and its intensity needs to be understood before you go out and blitz some random woman. Firstly, let me ask you guys a question. Say you are out, and talking to a HB 5 or 6, she was pleasant enough but not enough spark for you to ask for her # .Then, an hour later, you were chattin with an HB 9 ..she is smokin' ..and you really want to see this girl again. SO in either situation how cocky would you be.? . which women would you be the most cocky with ?? Would you be you relaxed enough with the HB5 to say whatever wiseass thing you felt like saying, but so nervous around the HB9 that you walked on eggs and censored your every word?? Yeah, I can hear you guys nodding. Which girl do you think would be most attracted, or put off by you acting "cocky" . HB 5 or HB 9 ?" OK here is the good oil - The rule on this one is counter-intuitive. '" The hotter the woman the MORE cocky you act." Yep- thats right, MORE ,and here is why . HOT and attactive women are approached by a lot of guys every week looking to date them - These women are AWARE of their high MARKET VALUE and they know that they also have many options in the range of men that they meet. HOT women deal almost every day with all the wussy, fawning ,guys almost pleading for a date, and then, cocky *YOU* come along and tease her and treat her like she is your annoying sister. YOu are different-and she is intrigued and women love challenging men. DO you see where I am going ? I have never met a hot woman who was offended by my cockiness because she knows she is secure and she is usually willing to play and enjoy the game.. On the other hand the "plain Janes " are different. They have lower market value, lower confidence, and become easily upset - they usually have a poor SOH compared to the HB9s and are not open to teasing and being dominated. They are too fragile and insecure. PLain women do NOT usually like cocky 'jerks' like me. I have proved it over time. So guys- adjust your cockiness according to the attractiveness of the woman. Edited March 26, 2008 by AussieJack
Author SYRACUSE03 Posted March 26, 2008 Author Posted March 26, 2008 ketostix - I don't understand what you are getting at but she wasn't fat and from what I remember, she was attractive. 2sunny - If being out of town was the case, just give me heads up. It's a respect thing that's all. She could've easily called and gave some lame excuse after giving it some thought. AussieJack - I remember kind of what she looks like and not for nothing, there are about (3) 30 somethings that work there and none that I remember were unattractive. CD111 - The second part of your response is what baffles me! Maybe I'm too much of an optomist but if I got any negative response such as "on second thought" I would have moved on rather quickly, chalking it up. I thought when she said, "catch me tomorrow after 3" meant to actually talk to her. I didn't know it meant, "don't call me, don't talk to me, leave me alone". I have some serious researching to do because I guess I missed the negative "signs".
BlueHaiku Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 I'll give you a woman's response, since you asked so nicely. I don't KNOW what's going on with her, but it sounds to me like she's attracted to you but also perhaps scared - also she may be being pressured by her friends at work. First of all, she didn't ask you out herself, she got a coworker to do it. There are two possible explanations: 1. She's nervous - she doesn't go around asking guys out often and didn't know how to do it. She might be shy, or just not used to being the aggressor in such situations. 2. It's also possible that she saw you and was really attracted to you, told her coworkers how awsome you were, and they started bugging her to ask you out. Girls (just like guys) can be that way. They probably went on and on about "ask him out!" "Just ask him!" "C'mon." Then see #1 above - she's shy, so she went along, and she is really attracted to you, but she is really embarrassed & doesn't know how to respond now. It's then possible that at the appointed times for your calls, she was totally freaking out and embarrassed and didn't know what to say - hence she didn't pick up. You can do what you want with this one. Figure she's too shy to bother with or pursue it in the hopes of breaking through and possibly finding a diamond in the rough. But I would like you to consider that it is possible she's not just playing games, but is actually really into you and also hampered by shyness/embarrassment. I have to confess. I was this girl exactly once. I'm not proud of it, but - yeah - I know how she might feel.
Author SYRACUSE03 Posted March 26, 2008 Author Posted March 26, 2008 BlueHaiku - Thanks for the response! Your response actually helps out my ego and for that I say thanks. I would like to think that by me taking the initiative to "break the ice" by calling her could have put her mind at ease. Also, I'm going to feel like a complete idiot when I go back to the office in a few weeks. Lastly, she is 33 and I didn't think shyness was an issue. It's not like she's 22. I really wish I could upload the message she left on my answering machine so you guys could hear it. I'm sure 100% of you would say that it's positive and she was interested. I know that guys screw up all the time but I didn't even have a chance to screw this one up! I guess this bothered me a lot more than most people because I came out of a LTR about 6 months ago and was finally ready to move forward and then this...terrible timing. Thanks again for the response!
Blue Eyed Brain Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 I bet the girls in the office are either playing a trick or they got you confused with another patient. Move on.
Author SYRACUSE03 Posted March 26, 2008 Author Posted March 26, 2008 Blue Eyed Brain - I don't think it was a trick (why would she produce a number and call me back) and I know that is wasn't mistaken identity. However...I agree...movin' on! Thanks.
CD111 Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 Syracuse-Not sure which part you ment as the "second part". Was it the hot chick part or the part where I decided the guy wasn't worth it based on his message. Aussie, I do agree with the advice that a guy must be confident when approaching a girl. Of course the more attractive a girl is to a guy the more he has to work not to be nervous. So being confident and relaxed at the same time is key. However, being overly cocky is different. Especially when you are first getting to know a person. I see it like this, if a guy is being too cocky what is he trying to hide or play up. I have to admit cocky is a relative term and one persons definition of cocky is not anothers. From my experience the guys I have encountered that were cocky and stuck on themselves had no depth to their personality. Yeah, they may have been very good looking, or successful or just thought they were the best thing since sliced bread. But, they just couldn't see past their own vision of themselves. Sorry, not that attracted to that. I definitely do not suggest a guy grovels at the feet of the girl that caught his eye and might as well turn into a pool of green goo on the floor in front of her because he is so nervous. Why, because it makes me think. Well if this guy can't even muster up enough confidence to say a few sentences to me how does this guy act in really life when a real problem arises. Guys, girls are just people too don't be that freaked out. All I am saying is have some tact If that makes me PLAIN to some people because I am not completely taken away by the money, power and highly attractive physical appearance cockiness is usually brought on by so be it. Personally, I just think I am not shallow.
BlueHaiku Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 Even a 33 year old can be shy and awkward! Hell I know a 46 year old man who can't ask a woman out though he desperately wants to.
Author SYRACUSE03 Posted March 26, 2008 Author Posted March 26, 2008 On the other hand a girl that gives a guy her number, acts all excited and then just completely falls off the face of the earth is totally lame too. Go to your next dr. appointment with some really hot chick. haha This is what I meant about the "second part"...acts all excited then falls off the face of the earth...lame. Couldn't have said it better myself. As for the hot chick, that's an awesome idea too.
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