Kimora Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 Guys or girls is there anything a girl can do to make a guy chase her after they've had sex casually a few times??!! And i'm not just talking about a one night stand...Because the way I see it and what makes sense is that after the deed is done they really don't have much respect for the girl and may not even talk to her afterwards and feel like there is nothing left to chase.... Basically is there any way to reverse this as if the sex never happened to keep the guy intereseted?? My guess is no, but myself, my friends, sisters and just women in general would like know
blind_otter Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 I've slept with a lot of men who wanted to have a relationship with me after the deed was done.
carhill Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 Yeah, simple, just disappear If he wants more with you, he'll come find you. If not, next candidate....and maybe keep the lock on the door a bit longer, ya?
Lizzie60 Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 Guys or girls is there anything a girl can do to make a guy chase her after they've had sex casually a few times??!! And i'm not just talking about a one night stand...Because the way I see it and what makes sense is that after the deed is done they really don't have much respect for the girl and may not even talk to her afterwards and feel like there is nothing left to chase.... Basically is there any way to reverse this as if the sex never happened to keep the guy intereseted?? My guess is no, but myself, my friends, sisters and just women in general would like know They always came back after the deed... always.. and I mostly had casual sex for the last 5 years.. Why? Because I don't call them back.. I don't chase them.. they chase me.. It's all about attitude.. confidence.. they know I don't wait after anyone... I am independant.. they know I don't want any commitment.. maybe that's the 'secret'... tell them you loooove your space... don't call them back.. Plus if you're great in bed.. they will come back.. trust me.
ketostix Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 What about in the opposite situation? You have great sex with a girl and she is not responsive later. Maybe I should meet a girl like you lol? Lizzie, I can't blame them for coming back for more. I know I would! To Kimora, there's really nothing you can do or needs to be done. You just have to wait and see kind of like lizzie said. Guys will usually pull away after sex and then spring back.
Fingz Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 A lot of guys just want to get laid. It's tough for women to understand that because your hearts are more linked to your sexuality. (Which is why you often call us "dirty dogs") If a guy never calls back it could mean a few things • The sex was not great • There was no real chemistry • You physically turned him on, but your personality is boring • You gave him what he wanted too quickly If you want to avoid this situation, you need to value yourself and your sexuality. Make him earn your intimacy.. you can't blame him for treating you like a slvt if you behave like one. Be really comfortable with your body and eager to please.. but dont forget to tease us and make us crazy. The whole trick is making us want MORE. So don't just give everything away. Dont be so desperate that you try to make something work with someone who is not really compatible or on your wavelength. Men dont run from something REAL. I'm sure more guys will chime in, but those are the first things that pop in my head.
fral945 Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 ...Because the way I see it and what makes sense is that after the deed is done they really don't have much respect for the girl and may not even talk to her afterwards and feel like there is nothing left to chase.... I don't think that's true. Like the other poster said, if sex is available we will take it. There are many girls I'd have sex with, but the number of them that I'd have sex with and want something longer term is small. If he thinks there's potential or wants more sex he will chase. If he sees no potential or the sex wasn't great he probably won't. It's really that simple. Just FYI (again repeating what has already been said) sex doesn't have any deep meaning to most men other than the physical pleasure. If you don't see it that way (which I'm guessing you probably don't) I'd recommend you don't have sex until later on in dating or relationships. You don't have to wait forever, just long enough to gauge why he's around.
Author Kimora Posted March 26, 2008 Author Posted March 26, 2008 Thank you for your reply, that gave me a lot of insight. And you are right the sex means more to me than it probably does to him. At first I didn't really think about it and then he would call about every 3 weeks it seemed and we would have sex. The more I do this to myself the more I find that I'm more attatched and I know he isn't as much I'd like him to be. At first he would say things such as " I really like you and you don't think I do " and "I want to have a relationship with you" of course I quickly disregarded it and as a defense mechanism (I suppose) I shot him down and acted completely bitchy. I think things would have been different had I not had sex with him and was more open to what he was saying HOWEVER - when we do have sex he is always drunk and so am I ... Perhaps I am putting waaay too much thought into this but it truly is bothering me, maybe you could give me some more advice now that I just told you my life story haha
fral945 Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 Thank you for your reply, that gave me a lot of insight. And you are right the sex means more to me than it probably does to him. At first I didn't really think about it and then he would call about every 3 weeks it seemed and we would have sex. The more I do this to myself the more I find that I'm more attatched and I know he isn't as much I'd like him to be. You should probably stop then. I don't know how old you are, but I'm assuming based on your post that you're in your teens to early/mid 20s. If you're with a guy around your age, most of them probably won't be looking for anything serious. Some, but they will be in the minority. We grow up a lot slower. At first he would say things such as " I really like you and you don't think I do " and "I want to have a relationship with you" of course I quickly disregarded it and as a defense mechanism (I suppose) I shot him down and acted completely bitchy. Another thing you should remember is to judge a man by his actions and not his words. Words are more important to women, and I think most women love a charming man who tells them how beautiful and special they are. That's why the charmers get the women over the average boring guy. The quickest way into a woman's pants is through her ears. Trust me, he'll use words to charm you to get in your pants (I'm guilty of it myself), but his actions will show what his real intentions are. You'll only be able to tell his true intentions with time. I guess that's why you have to date, to see if there is an actual connection. Does he only call when he wants sex? Does he show a legitimate interest in your life (i.e., family, work, etc.) and getting to know you better, or are you just a booty call? I think things would have been different had I not had sex with him and was more open to what he was saying HOWEVER - when we do have sex he is always drunk and so am I ... You should try it sober, it's just as fun, and you can remember it better, too.
KarmaSutra Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 Being that I have the soul of Satan and I'm completely unable to have any emotional feeling towards a woman after I've dropped my load in her. I've been hurt too many times in my life by unsavory women that I've built such a wall that is unscalable. I blame women for this. I don't believe I should accept any responsiblity because of what they've done to me. I'm now wanting to get married and have 5 kids and a cat/dog and the house with the fence. I always think that whomever is lucky enough to have me will eventually become the Soccer Mom who bangs the pool boy.
Lovegod Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 Guys or girls is there anything a girl can do to make a guy chase her after they've had sex casually a few times??!! Become a better lover. Nothing turns me off more than a woman who's boring as hell in the bedroom. If all you're doing is laying there, going 'uh uh uh' I'm going to ditch you for someone more fun.
Fingz Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 Interesting points Fingz. What do you mean when you say that women's hearts are more linked to their sexuality? Can you elaborate? I am a guy and I have fallen head over heels with a woman after sleeping with her just once, and then she is the one who leaves. I am really frustrated. By nature women are very much in tune with their emotions and link them to everything they do. So an act as intimate as sex is certainly no exception. My guess is that you are either • Not really a dynamo in the sack • Too clingy/needy which turns them off • Dealing with one of these new pseudo-women who think they are "liberated" by acting like men. What is interesting to note is that your behavior is a bit feminine. Guys are not supposed to catch feelings that quickly. If she is your first, then I can understand.. we all thought we were in love too But if this happens with every girl you are intimate with, then something is definitely wrong with how you are handling (or failing to handle) the situation. Check out the thread I started on masculinity being out of Fashion. It seems to me like you are suffering from this relatively new social phenomenon.
BladeSteel Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 What is interesting to note is that your behavior is a bit feminine. Guys are not supposed to catch feelings that quickly. If she is your first, then I can understand.. we all thought we were in love too Great point Fingz, it's best to go out and b@ng other chicks. The more chicks, the less chance you will become too emotionally attached. It's important to remember that women are lucky that they can excuse their behavior after the fact, and use their emotions at the time to justify their actions. As men, we are not allowed to do that and must tackle things head-on. Which is why it's important for us guys to 'protect our hearts' and not get too emotionally attached from the get go. A women needs to earn our devotion and attention, and she earns this by showing us her actions that she is consistent.
ketostix Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 Great point Fingz, it's best to go out and b@ng other chicks. The more chicks, the less chance you will become too emotionally attached. It's important to remember that women are lucky that they can excuse their behavior after the fact, and use their emotions at the time to justify their actions. As men, we are not allowed to do that and must tackle things head-on. Which is why it's important for us guys to 'protect our hearts' and not get too emotionally attached from the get go. A women needs to earn our devotion and attention, and she earns this by showing us her actions that she is consistent. This sounds interesting. Whenever I'd meet a new girl in the past, I would try to befriend her so she'll like me and be ready for intimacy. But all that seemed to happen is I'd get emotionally invested in her then she'd just want to be friends. It seems like it always worked out better with the girls I had sex with right away or within a few days of first meeting. So I won't to focus on learning how to do that instead of just being friends. But I'm worried that girls will think I'm a player or maybe a creepy perv just trying to get sex .
carhill Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 It seems like it always worked out better with the girls I had sex with right away or within a few days of first meeting. So, how did those relationships work out?
BladeSteel Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 Whenever I'd meet a new girl in the past, I would try to befriend her so she'll like me and be ready for intimacy. But all that seemed to happen is I'd get emotionally invested in her then she'd just want to be friends. It seems like it always worked out better with the girls I had sex with right away or within a few days of first meeting. So I won't to focus on learning how to do that instead of just being friends. But I'm worried that girls will think I'm a player or maybe a creepy perv just trying to get sex . This has happened to me too Keto, I know exactly how you feel. The thing you have to realize, is that when you become friends with a woman first, then pursue intimacy, I think what happens is the woman will not want to "risk" your friendship. What I do is this, when I meet a woman, I decide whether I want her as a friend, or as a possible date/relationship. If I want more than friendship, I pursue sex right from the start. If she has sex with me, we've established more than friendship and things can possible lead to something more serious from there. I think it's important to be honest with women and what you are after from the start. I think it's too sneaky and dishonest to try to establish friendship first with a woman you want to b@ng. There's nothing creepy about being sexual with a woman, that's what our masculinity is for! Embrace it.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 you can't blame him for treating you like a slvt if you behave like one. . What about the guy in situations like that so are they sl*ts then too?
Saxis Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 (edited) At first he would say things such as " I really like you and you don't think I do " and "I want to have a relationship with you" of course I quickly disregarded it and as a defense mechanism (I suppose) I shot him down and acted completely bitchy. I really don't think you can blame him. This sounds like my XW.... I'd be very interested to hear the other side of this story. Not every man is after sex only. When offered it certainly won't be turned down, but it's true... the respect goes out the window. Edited March 26, 2008 by Saxis
monkey00 Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 I think it depends. Some guys don't mind sleeping around, to some getting laid is about the ego or just because they can. Though the thing is I don't think sex for a guy has anything to do with making it or breaking it with the girl. If a guy is genuinely interested in a girl to be in a LTR, sex wouldn't change that. However if the guy just isn't that into her, having sex with her would rarely change anything. Anyway women tie having sex to an emotional connection (with the guy) too easily, that's where they problem lies, they don't know how to separate physical from emotional. Some women even use 'sex' as leverage to trap the guy into exclusivity - that is they won't indulge in it unless the guy agrees to commit...though I find that hardly works if the girl is more into the guy than the guy is into the girl. I think most of the people here have a good general idea about the situation. As it has been repeated throughout the post.
Quiksilver ca Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 RIGHT after sex, or NEXT DAY/WEEK after sex? Right after sex, I'll confess and say that I just like to relax and not have a woman yammering in my ear, but the next morning or day, yes everything is back to normal. From my own experience, I don't have much control over this... Right after sex, I just... Don't care. An honest mans opinion.
PRSun Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 It depends on the person. There are literally thousands of people who have sex with no emotion and don't give their now former lover a second thought before moving on the the next...like changing clothes. It's just a basis for reality. Fortunely there are equally as many people who are interested in more then just sex (male and female), who view it the issue in similar ways you do. Whether or not you meet this person is a craps shoot.
ketostix Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 So, how did those relationships work out? They worked out a lot better than the relationships that I didn't have sex right away. In these we never did end up having sex we just stayed friends. And all she did was talk about the other guys she's hooking up with and either how great he was or how much of a jerk he was. But either way I knew I was better for her. It was aweful. I never want to experience that anymore. So now I'm going to stick to my new rule of sex first and early and a friendship and relationship later.
ketostix Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 This has happened to me too Keto, I know exactly how you feel. The thing you have to realize, is that when you become friends with a woman first, then pursue intimacy, I think what happens is the woman will not want to "risk" your friendship. What I do is this, when I meet a woman, I decide whether I want her as a friend, or as a possible date/relationship. If I want more than friendship, I pursue sex right from the start. If she has sex with me, we've established more than friendship and things can possible lead to something more serious from there. I think it's important to be honest with women and what you are after from the start. I think it's too sneaky and dishonest to try to establish friendship first with a woman you want to b@ng. There's nothing creepy about being sexual with a woman, that's what our masculinity is for! Embrace it. This makes a lot of sense in my limited experience. Well maybe not so limited since I'm 29 . This is what I'm trying to do from now on. The only problem is some girls here have said that doing this is creepy. I don't get it m, my goal is as noble as it gets I just want to go about reaching that goal different from the way I have been. Well, I'm not going to let anyone tell me to just be firiends first! That has never worked out for me.
BladeSteel Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 The only problem is some girls here have said that doing this is creepy. I don't get it m, my goal is as noble as it gets I just want to go about reaching that goal different from the way I have been. . OK Ketostix, I think this may be the root of the issue here. When a guy makes a move on a chick, and she thinks he's "creepy" it basically means that she is not attracted to him. If she is attracted, instead of creepy she will refer to him as "charming". Bottom line, if a woman is attracted to you, you could say just about anything and it will be "charming" or "funny"...but is she in NOT attracted, just a simple smile may come off as creepy. Just something to think about. So, I think you are going about things the right way, but either going for women who are not attracted to you, or somehow not getting them attracted to you.
ketostix Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 OK Ketostix, I think this may be the root of the issue here. When a guy makes a move on a chick, and she thinks he's "creepy" it basically means that she is not attracted to him. If she is attracted, instead of creepy she will refer to him as "charming". Bottom line, if a woman is attracted to you, you could say just about anything and it will be "charming" or "funny"...but is she in NOT attracted, just a simple smile may come off as creepy. Just something to think about. So, I think you are going about things the right way, but either going for women who are not attracted to you, or somehow not getting them attracted to you. OK so it's all about attraction? I need to foucus on causing attraction then it will all fall in line. Do you have any ideas about how to and what furthers attraction besides being friendly and nice? I've pretty much ruled that out as getting anything more than being friends with girls.
Recommended Posts