redbox Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 (edited) Hi, I'm hoping people will give this a read and maybe offer some positive insight in the situation at hand. My girlfriend and I started dating about 3 months ago. We spent a lot of time talking on the phone getting to know each other ( I really wanted to take this slow) and then finally met and got along wonderfully. We had a tiff about something and it started us analizing stuff we did and each other which led to a few more bad arguements. It all came out of fear really and wasn't about her or I. She comes from a bad marriage and he wasn't very good to her. We not kids either. I'm 34 and she's 31. It's been rocky..really rocky and hard because we live about an hour and half from each other. She found out she was pregnant and it's been about seven weeks now. I feel a bit scared but I know everything will be okay. She's pretty confused about everything and is going through a lot. We had our ultrasound on Monday and all is well so that takes a lot of pressure off. We also broke up the same day because she said that she doesn't feel in love with me and since that arguement she has been fighting a bad feeling. She also said she doesn't feel good about herself. She needs to find her own apartment (lives with friend in 1 bdrm) and isn't working and now is pregnant. I am currently finishing school but have a job opportunity tomorrow. I hope this helps. I don't want to lose her and want her to know that I care about her and support her 100 percent through all of this. She said she wants to just be friends and I guess that's all I can do right now. She had said that all that she is going through and balancing a romantic relationship is too much right now. Has anybody ever been in this situation? Would you suggest councilling? I've thought about it and mentioned it to her. Thank you for your positive input in advance. I guess I just needed to get this off my chest. As far as NC goes it obviously won't work in this situation so if anybody has any other ideas... Edited March 25, 2008 by redbox
Author redbox Posted March 27, 2008 Author Posted March 27, 2008 Spoke to her tonight...she got a good job and it'll last until she has enough weeks for maternity leave. I also went for a job today and it looks pretty good. We talked a little about moving to a closer area or the same town. My cousin offered us her house (she lives in trinidad for most of the year) to get started but my gf said that she's not feeling okay with that right now and there is still time to figure stuff out. Then she said that maybe in awhile or the summer she'll feel differently but right now she doesn't. At least the window isn't closed. It gives me some hope that we can work on things and hopefully find that love again and have a decent family for our child. I want to do my best to look after her and our child. I have suggested therapy to discuss her past baggage and hopefully it would help. I have issues myself and I find that going to a counciler really helps work things out. Maybe this is something that might have to happen after the baby is born..having a baby is kind of a mental trip on it's own. So that's where I'm at today. I feel a little bit better. I will keep in touch with her and attend all the things I need too (ultrasound, doctor visits) and maybe in awhile ask her out for diner while I'm there. I'm wondering if I should be getting my ass to her town ASAP because regardless, she needs to feel like she's not alone. Thanks again for any positive insight or input anyone might have.
Author redbox Posted March 28, 2008 Author Posted March 28, 2008 So I spoke with the guy who is giving me a job opportunity (it's an apprentiship) and it looks like I'll be reviewed on Wednesday and then I can start working! We live an hour and a half away and I probably have an opportunity to go work in the same town. I don't have to see her until the 25th when there is the next ultrasound....I'm torn here...do I do NC? This seems tricky. It might normally work but because she's pregnant with no family there, it seems like the worst thing to do at this time. She's 8 weeks along now. I hope somebody can give me some positive advice on this.
blind_otter Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 All I can say is that you must respect her wishes. The important thing you can do right now is make sure that she is not stressed out or unhappy, and if you contribute to her stress, then it is likely best if you are not in her face too much. Pregnant women are extremely emotional. Do some research on your own about pregnancy and what to expect.
macon Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 Your posts made me feel quite sad. You're not kids as you say - you're in your early 30s as I am - and yet you've made a child without planning or thought. I'm glad you seem to be supportive of her and the child you're both now going to have and I truly hope all works out well for you all ... but I also hope this tale will make others think more seriously about how their actions affect others and themselves. You've created a whole new person without considering them at all. Not good - it's a little thing and it's called a condom.
Author redbox Posted March 29, 2008 Author Posted March 29, 2008 Macon this is not a sad thing. Every child is a miracle and I'm looking for positive contructive input so as much as I appreciate your time reading my thoughts, I am not interested in the negative right now. Thanks again.
macon Posted March 29, 2008 Posted March 29, 2008 "Macon this is not a sad thing. Every child is a miracle and I'm looking for positive contructive input so as much as I appreciate your time reading my thoughts, I am not interested in the negative right now. Thanks again." As I said, my post wasn't just for you - I was hoping some other people who read this thread might take slightly more time than you did when considering whether and when to become a parent. Living your life by making responsible choices isn't negative - and you can't just magic the need for that away with trite phrases like "every child is a miracle" ...
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