HelenOrAlice Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 First off, I'm new to the dating scene after a divorce. And by new, I mean the last time I was dating, I was 16. For serious. To the question...I've been kind of seeing someone for a few months now. Not serious, just casual. We talk on the phone/text a lot, but he lives 3 hours away which makes it hard to see each other that often. But he's come and spent the weekend a few times. Anyway, he pursued me really hard initially, but since then I'm the one who does most of the initiation. I've said that to him in not so many words and he laughs and says that he's like that with everybody - his family and all his friends. It bugs me. But maybe I'm doing it to myself. Would it be better if I didn't make myself so readily available to this guy? In the past, if I didn't answer his calls when he thought I would, he'd get what sounded a little freaked out as to why. I mean, not jealous just more perplexed. Is it better to keep guys guessing like that? I thought I'd never want to play games, but it seems as though it's part of the process. Any advice?
nicki Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 I think once you are in a relationship the whole excuse of "That's just the way I am" becomes a load of crap. He's part of a couple now. He has someone else's feelings to consider. He should want to please you. If you want him to call more, say it in a positive way like, "Honey, Could you please call me once or twice a day to let me know you are thinking of me. It would really make me happy." Or something like that. A guy who cares about you will put in the effort to show you he cares in ways that mean something to you. Simply let him know what you want. Assume he wants to please you when you ask him to do things for you. And yes, I would back off on the calls until it was more equal. But, I'd do it with no attitude at all. Once you've requested he call you more often, he should know that's what you are waiting for him to do. Relationships are equal. You are smart not to settle for something unbalanced. He should come to you as much as you go to him. There's a nice way to do it. And if he doesn't, then the consequence is that you don't feel so close to him anymore....and most guys get what that means.... Congrats on dating again! I've been in your shoes. It's an education, but it's worth it. Don't play games. Be honest, ask for what you want and keep things reciprocal, even if that means you back off a bit so he can come to you. Have fun...
Advocate's Devilette Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 Honestly a guy is calling you as much as he wants to talk to you. So that means he is only calling you when he wants to talk to you which is not very often. Asking him to call you isn't making him WANT to talk to you. If he calls you after you ask him, he's only doing it because you asked him to do it. If you are doing all the initiating, he is just not that into you, plain and simple. He just isn't acting like a guy who is really crazy about you and frankly I'm pretty sure he's dating and pursuing other women.
Legend Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 no no no no no no no. Worst thing you can do is play games.
Advocate's Devilette Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 no no no no no no no. Worst thing you can do is play games. That is what he is doing to her by keeping her in the lurch all the time and not calling her.
PRSun Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 Give it some time but keep your options open killer. Since you're new to dating...again...you should probobly try a few bikes before you set your heart on just one. Instead of trying to figure him out, try figuring out exactly what OTHER idems of the menu are available.
Quiksilver ca Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 but he lives 3 hours away Mabye that's why he's losing interest.
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