Nomad1 Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 Well, I haven't posted for a while. Here is my update. Those who don't know about my story. Wife of 17yrs, 3 kids, had what I thought was a good life, said she didn't feel it anymore - you know the usual crap, love you but not in love with you, blah blah. She took off her wedding ring, then went back and forth, wanting intimacy, then changing her mind within days. At one point asked me to stop the divorce and house sale. It turned out she was in love with a prisoner she was visiting who was awaiting deportation back to his country. She helped him get bail, now he's out. She's been to see him, although apparently he has a child and a girlfriend. Anyway, I started the divorce and the house is on the market. She left a week ago. The kids are shared 50/50, although one of them wants to stay with me. I am in this big 5 bed house and I finally feel great not having her around. I haven't answered her calls but have been texting replies to her voice mails. Today she said she wanted to talk and asked me why I am cold. I said I was of course happy to talk about anything to do with the children and will let her know if an offer is made on the house. She wants to find out when I am going out and told me that she also wants to go out and could we alternate the child minding to accommodate each other. I said fair enough. I have been seeing a nice woman and we are going out again tomorrow night and possibly over the weekend. I would never have believed, out of all people, would have done what she has done, but I am grateful that she did, otherwise I would not have met the woman I am seeing now. I feel very happy with how things have turned out. I am also looking forward to buying a new house once this house sells. My children are having equal access to both of us but they are giving her a hard time. I don't want them to hate their mom and I always tell them that they should co-operate with her and not blame her for what happened. Anyway, just thought I should let you guys know. Thank you all so much for your support, Nomad1
THEBIGARC Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 You have really helped me with the advice you have given me. I am very glad to hear you are doing well. Good luck with the new lady. I am looking forward to the day where I am where you are. It seems like it will be a long time right now, but I will get there! Keep up the updates. It gives others hope.
Author Nomad1 Posted March 26, 2008 Author Posted March 26, 2008 You are going through a tough time too. It has been going on for 6 months. Now she has moved out, it is much much easier. Try to think positively about things. This will make you feel better. Focus on your work. No matter how laborious a task is, stick with it. You will derive a sense of achievement from getting things done. You need self-discipline. Listen to music. It helps a lot. Enjoy the dinner and the company. You deserve it. I am going out tonight and I am so looking forward to it. Take care. Nomad1
PinkRibbon Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 I am glad to hear of a good that has come out something so bad. I hope you have a wonderful time! Hopefully my time will be coming soon!
Dazed & Confused Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 its comforting to hear of someone coming out the other side! Hope things go well for you!
br0ken_w0lf Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 Hey Nomad1, somehow I missed your original story but I know you've given me some great advice. Man, I'm so glad to hear things are working out for you and you're moving on. Nothing better than a LS success story. As others have said, please continue to provide updates as you can. It's inspiring for the rest of us to know there's a light at the end of the tunnel - and it's not necessarily a train!
sedgwick Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 Dammit, how is it that people can get over a 17 year relationship in 6 months? I still cry every day over my year-long relationship that ended 8 months ago. Doesn't feel like I ever will be over it. And I definitely will never date again!!! So...I'm very happy to hear that you are. Good for you!
Author Nomad1 Posted March 27, 2008 Author Posted March 27, 2008 Hey Sedgwick. It probably has to do with being a man. I think that men can switch off from one day to the next. Anyway, went to see a play last night and had dinner afterwards. We're planning to go away next weekend. It's great to be in the company of a nice woman. Sedgwick, you need to allow others into your space. Right now you probably have the sign 'keep away!' on your forehead. Life is too short. Live it to the max! There is someone out there that will make you forget about your x. A good thing about starting a new relationship is that you become much wiser and communicate better. Take care. Nomad1
DavidB Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 I'm glad to hear you're doing well Nomad1, yours was one of the original threads I read when I came here for the first time. It's great to see you doing well and your life going in a great direction. As for the question of getting over it Sedgwick: I still get sad about my marriage ending, but I won't let it hold me hostage. There came a point where I was tired of being hurt, so I quit being hurt. It's a conscious choice to choose your attitude, I'm friendlier and more outgoing and I'm determined to enjoy life.
Gunny376 Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 We're bachelors! :bunny::bunny: :):) :cool::cool: :p:p:p:p :lmao::lmao: :laugh::laugh: :D:D:D:D ;);)
Author Nomad1 Posted March 28, 2008 Author Posted March 28, 2008 It is so great to reclaim one's identity! When you become a husband you lose your identity! I used to always take my X wife into account. I don't have to do that now! When invited to go for a drink with colleagues, I don't have to ring anyone to say what time I will be getting back! There are of course the children to consider when they are with me. I have also noticed that I get so much done these days. I am on top of work and I take on more projects! When I go out with my new woman, it is pure quality time, no arguing over futile things, just pure enjoyment. I intend to keep it that way! take care Nomad1
whichwayisup Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 Just take it slow with the new lady friend of yours. Glad to hear that you're happier and that you are staying neutral around the kids. Not being negative and encouraging them to be with their mom will only help you in the long run and your kids will always remember this. I do hope your ex notices this and gives you the same respect you're giving her in that sense.
Author Nomad1 Posted March 28, 2008 Author Posted March 28, 2008 Oh yes, I am sure taking it slow, but I am enjoying the company. I plan to live on my own for a while. My 3 boys are my priority. I went out with my Ex yesterday for a few drinks before we went to parents evening for one of our sons. She was crying the whole time and saying how the boys want to spend more time with me and seem to get on with me much better than her. I almost felt sorry for her. She asked for us to go out together with the boys at least once a week. I said no problem, but I can't guarantee that I will be able to do it every week. I do take the boys for a meal at least once a week. We have a brilliant time. Just the four of us men. I really enjoy their company. They are here with me this weekend. I bought them XBox 360 earlier today. They are extatic. I am also cooking a nice chicken curry. Yum, I can't wait. Take care. Nomad1
whichwayisup Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 XBox 360 I bought my H that for Xmas. We both love it! Send some curry chicken this way eh! You're doing the right thing and keeping the peace with your ex. You two can be good co-parents and still have good communication for the sake of your kids. Still has to be rough on your boys though, having the family torn apart...
Author Nomad1 Posted March 28, 2008 Author Posted March 28, 2008 It was delicious by the way. I had a glass of wine while listening to Grover Washington.....still am as I type....I love music! Yes I think that I am over-compensating...trying to minimise the hurt caused by the split. They are very angry with their mum though...I don't like that. I want them to love her as I know she loves them. She is just going through her own turmoil at the moment and seems to be giving up. She told me yesterday that she can see the boys staying mainly with me as she thinks that they hate her. They don't...they are just trying to cope with the divorce transition. I asked her if she would just sit by and allow that to happen. I don't want to be a single parent. I want her to have 50/50 share as I have a demanding job and need some time to myself to pursue my interests. I think that their gender is a key factor. They look up to me. I know that they aspire to being like me. I am consistent in my love and care for them. BUT they also need their mother at least half the time. Did you like the curry wwu? Nomad1
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