Should I ask a coworker out?

[CIE]

I'll give you a short run down of my problem, but for a more detailed back story, please read http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t142977/

 

I'm a 25 year old guy interested in a slightly younger coworker of the fairer sex. Her and I have a nice friendship, we often share lunches (we both bring or order different things and mix it up) and sometimes call each other after work for non work related issues. However, what has stopped me from asking her out until now was that she had a boyfriend up until about a week ago.

 

Basically, my question is, should I ask her out?

 

1) Considering the awful track record I have with women, (I have not gotten a single date in about 2-3 years. I mean not a single, not even a first date, and not because I haven't tried either) is it completely stupid of me to even consider asking her out, for fear that it might cause strain in our work?

 

2) Also considering that she is way out of my league. This is not a low self esteem problem. I will admit that I have one, and that my looks are below average (really, not the self esteem talking, I'm just being realistic), but she really is gorgeous.

 

I won't lie to you, I do not care about my job anymore (thank you ******* bosses). Therefore should the work environment become too hostile I would not have a problem with leaving. But that is not the issue. Basically I want to ask her out, I just don't want to lose the friendship I already have with her.

 

So what should I do?

 

Thank you for reading this and for any input you may give me!

[Saxis]

I'd do your usual routine with her, flirt a little and see if she takes more interest or starts flirting back now that she's single, and hope you haven't already been "friend-zoned". A week after a breakup isn't much time though.

 

As far as the work situation, I wouldn't worry about it, especially if you don't mind bowing out if things go sour. I met my XW at work and our relationship was the best it ever was while we were working together.

[Legend]

do it do it do it do it!

so many guys are acting like such pussies., nothing to lose.

[CIE]

Thanks for your reply. I'm worried about the friend-zoned thing as well, but that was pretty much all I could go for at the time. One week is pretty short, but it's never too early to plan ahead.

 

I also forgot to mention, she knows that I am currently single and that I have been trying to get a date and asked me on many occasion if I had any luck finding someone. However, that was before the break up, since then, she has not asked me.

 

She also told me the very next morning that she had broken up with her boyfriend. I don't know if that means anything. Probably just wishful thinking on my part.

[Balthazar]

I also forgot to mention, she knows that I am currently single and that I have been trying to get a date and asked me on many occasion if I had any luck finding someone. However, that was before the break up, since then, she has not asked me.

 

She also told me the very next morning that she had broken up with her boyfriend. I don't know if that means anything. Probably just wishful thinking on my part.

 

The chick knows you have been trying to get a date?

Definitely not good. Women go after men that are popular with other women.

And as they say, you must fake it until you make it.

 

She told you about her break up because friends talk about stuff like that.

 

I think that you need to consider how important your friendship with this girl is.

If you don't mind risking it, then go ahead and court her. The problem is that your lack of experience with women will not help in the courting process.

 

And is you are not successful, your friendship with her is ,more or less, dead in the water.

 

If you decide to woo her, you need to make this woman see you as a prospective boyfriend.

This means asking her out on a date where your intentions cannot be misinterpreted. I suggest you read up on such matters(lots of stuff on the net) and I'm sure other posters here on LS will have good advice.

Best of Luck

[CIE]

Thank you for your reply.

 

The reason that she knows I was single is that, because she was off limits, I figured I might let her know about it in case she might have a friend she could introduce me to.

 

As for the value I put on our friendship... This will sound horrible, but it has to be all or nothing. If anything, I am kind of hoping that my friendship with her will put some odds in my favor. As I've mentioned, I'm not the best looking guy around. I was kind of hoping that since she knows what kind of person I am, my qualities and my faults, the values I have, that it might be enough for her to at least give it more consideration than the others have.

[CIE]

do it do it do it do it!

so many guys are acting like such pussies., nothing to lose.

 

I lol'd at that (In a good way). I wish it were that simple. They should be, people make it complicated.

 

The part I like is this :

nothing to lose.

[Legend]

Seriously though, gotta go after what you want in life. You never know when it could be over.

Plus, after all, I am legendary. What the hell is a balatahzar. I'd take advice from someone self proclaimed Legend any day

Edited March 26, 2008 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[allina]

I wouldn't do it. You're probably what she considers a "nice friend" who has been there for her through the recent breakup. Does she talk to you about her ex/breakup? If she talks to you about other guys definitely don't do it. You also don't want to do it a week after she got out of a relationship.

 

By all or nothing do you mean that she'll either be romantically involved with you or you'll end the friendship?

[Legend]

Allina sorry you're bringing this from a girls point of view. CIE wants either relationship or nothing at all. Who can blame him? too often guys are placed in the friendzone. we don't want to be your friend. period.

 

How a guy's mind works:

 

step1 see hot girl -> omg i want to have sex with her -> get to know her -> ok maybe i want to date her too -> sh*t i'm in the friend zone -> does drastic measure to get out of it, figure he has 50 / 50 shot -> moves on -> gets distracted oh look next hot girl bye!

[CIE]

. By all or nothing do you mean that she'll either be romantically involved with you or you'll end the friendship?

 

No, I wouldn't end the friendship if she was not interested in me. What I meant is that I would be willing to risk that friendship for a chance for it to be something more. I would not mind remaining her friend if she was not interested, but things usually get awkward afterwards.

 

She's told me some anecdotes about her exes, but she hasn't gone into the details of her breakup, latest or otherwise.

[mortensorchid]

Honestly, I wouldn't if I were you. If you get involved romanticly or otherwise with people you work with, you are allowing others into your private life. And that's a dangerous thing. People can turn on you, use things against you, and stab you in the back as is when you are on the job with them. Let them see what you do and say in your personal life, you are the topic of office gossip and terrible things.

 

I'm sure she's a great gal, but keep it on a friendly but not too friendly level with others on the job. You will be happier, if not saner, in the long run.

[AussieJack]

1) Considering the awful track record I have with women, (I have not gotten a single date in about 2-3 years. I mean not a single, not even a first date, and not because I haven't tried either) is it completely stupid of me to even consider asking her out, for fear that it might cause strain in our work?

 

2) Also considering that she is way out of my league. This is not a low self esteem problem. I will admit that I have one, and that my looks are below average (really, not the self esteem talking, I'm just being realistic), but she really is gorgeous.

 

!

 

Ahh ! Another grunt lost in the jungle without any ammo ...

OK, you do NOT have enough confidence and you have NO skills . But I am going to fast track you here .

Do you understand WHAT attracts women to men?

No clue ?

OK here is LESSON #1

 

1. Confidence ( being dominant in a "take charge" kind of way )

2. Control (keeping your emotions under control -being COOL under fire)

3. Challenge (not being a fawning pussy- being hard to get)

 

How are we doing so far?

Lets work on CONFIDENCE.

ONe great way to demonstate confidence is to walk up to a woman and make a joke at her expense -tease her and play with her WHOA !! You say... wont that offend her ? Maybe - who cares ..the point is that you need to build YOUR boldness, NOT seek a woman's approval. There is one qualification here . Do not make fun of any part of her body -thats unfair and cruel.

Find some quirky thing about her or her behavior that amuses you and tease her about it. Make her laugh at herself without thinking about any consequences.

THe point is this - anxious people worry about consequences - bold people "just do it" - just like Nike says.

IF you are a 'plain looking' guy, you need to increase your attractiveness in other areas which ARE under your control - start with confidence.. do it today - NOW.

[CIE]

Lets work on CONFIDENCE.

ONe great way to demonstate confidence is to walk up to a woman and make a joke at her expense -tease her and play with her WHOA !! You say... wont that offend her ? Maybe - who cares ..the point is that you need to build YOUR boldness, NOT seek a woman's approval. There is one qualification here . Do not make fun of any part of her body -thats unfair and cruel.

Find some quirky thing about her or her behavior that amuses you and tease her about it. Make her laugh at herself without thinking about any consequences.

THe point is this - anxious people worry about consequences - bold people "just do it" - just like Nike says.

IF you are a 'plain looking' guy, you need to increase your attractiveness in other areas which ARE under your control - start with confidence.. do it today - NOW.

 

Actually I have already been doing what you mention here. Confidence use to be a big problem for me, but after some advice from this site I worked on speaking my mind, not just to women but people in general. So far so good.

 

To give you an example of the way I act with her, I often tease her on the way she sneezes. She sneezes in a very cute way and instead of saying bless you I kind of tease her about it, she can't help but laugh every time and she obviously can't change the way she sneezes.

[Quiksilver ca]

Put it this way bud...

 

You'll never get a date if you don't make it happen.

 

Also, if you think that a girl is out of your league, then she is.

 

What makes you think she's out of your league? Has she done significant that makes you unworthy of her attention? Is she more hard-working, more compassionate, more faithful, or better in the sack than you?

[AussieJack]

To give you an example of the way I act with her, I often tease her on the way she sneezes. She sneezes in a very cute way and instead of saying bless you I kind of tease her about it, she can't help but laugh every time and she obviously can't change the way she sneezes.

 

Good job- now work on your "cockiness" - be bold and more "in her face" .And for pete's sake, stop being so NICE to her. YOu need to be DIFFERENT to/from/than all the other guys who fawn over attractive women.. Act like "I don't give a f**k what you think of me."

Walk with your head up and your chest out and shoulders down and wide.

Lower you voice tone and speaker SLOWER.

 

That is enough to work on for for one day..\

(and don't listen to women here who will try tell you any different)

Edited March 26, 2008 by AussieJack

[allina]

Allina sorry you're bringing this from a girls point of view. CIE wants either relationship or nothing at all. Who can blame him? too often guys are placed in the friendzone. we don't want to be your friend. period.

 

How a guy's mind works:

 

step1 see hot girl -> omg i want to have sex with her -> get to know her -> ok maybe i want to date her too -> sh*t i'm in the friend zone -> does drastic measure to get out of it, figure he has 50 / 50 shot -> moves on -> gets distracted oh look next hot girl bye!

 

Okay.......it looks like you didn't understand my post. I never said he wanted to be in the friend zone, I am aware that that's not the goal here. What I was saying is that he shouldn't make a move on his friend because he already was in the just friends zone.

 

But thanks for your little bit on "how a guy's mind works"

[CIE]

But thanks for your little bit on "how a guy's mind works"

 

Well, not mine, but that's just me.

 

To answer Quicksilver, I think she is out of my league because of the way she looks and because of the way I look. I know, everybody says that right?

 

The truth is, if you will indulge my rant for a moment, is that so far my physical appearance is the only thing I can really find at fault with me that would cause women to have no interest in me. I have very good ethics and values, hard-working, loyal, not afraid of commitment, successful, faithful and intelligent. I don't play games with people's hearts or minds and I am not just looking for sex with a hot chick (nothing wrong with that if that is what you look for, but not for me).

 

But let us not digress from the topic too much...

Edited March 26, 2008 by CIE

[CIE]

Well after some finer consideration, I believe I have been friend zoned, and therefore too late for me to do anything about it.

 

So tell me ladies... WTF? You keep saying you want an intelligent, respectful and romantic guy, but when one comes along you strike him out as a potential and go date a guy who's gonna treat you like shyt, cheat on you and beat you?

 

You gotta clarify this for me, otherwise I'm going to spend the next few months learning how to be a jerk to women, and change my attitude from finding a friend, lover and wife to finding someone to f*** and then tape bus fare on her forehead before she wakes up.

 

So which one is it?

 

And before you go and say that I won't find happiness that way, well, guess what... I tried being a nice guy for 26 years and I'm not happy. Maybe I won't get what I really want, but at least it will be more than I have now.

[allina]

Well after some finer consideration, I believe I have been friend zoned, and therefore too late for me to do anything about it.

 

So tell me ladies... WTF? You keep saying you want an intelligent, respectful and romantic guy, but when one comes along you strike him out as a potential and go date a guy who's gonna treat you like shyt, cheat on you and beat you?

 

You gotta clarify this for me, otherwise I'm going to spend the next few months learning how to be a jerk to women, and change my attitude from finding a friend, lover and wife to finding someone to f*** and then tape bus fare on her forehead before she wakes up.

 

So which one is it?

 

And before you go and say that I won't find happiness that way, well, guess what... I tried being a nice guy for 26 years and I'm not happy. Maybe I won't get what I really want, but at least it will be more than I have now.

 

Why is it when a self proclaimed guy strikes out he assumes that it's because all women want losers and jerks, that's simply not true. We do want intelligent and respectful men but it doesn't mean that every woman will fall for every nice, smart guy that crosses her path. No matter how great a guy is there will always be women out there who are not romantically interested in him. Don't let this make you bitter, it's not a big deal, she's younger, just out of relationship and only sees you as a friend, no biggie. Be her friend, maybe she can help you out in the dating department. You can't win them all.

[CIE]

You can't win them all.

 

In my case, I haven't won any.