Els Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 How do you know when you're being immature over a small matter, and need to take control of the situation YOURSELF, and when it's a legitimate complaint and you need to bring it up and have a serious discussion over it? How do you balance between not being selfish and thinking of the other person as well... with making sure your own needs and wants are met? When you're angry over something in your relationship, and you don't know if its justified or not because you're just feeling down, is it better to vent (not on, but to) your partner or not? Speaking in anger generally leads to disastrous results, so it's better to have a clear head when talking. Yet letting it stew and fester is not good as well.. I know it's not possible to give a direct answer (e.g. you're being immature if you're asking him to call more than once a day, and it's reasonable if you're asking him to call a few times a week etc) because everyone's relationship dynamic is different, as well as their personality/needs and their partner's. What crosses the line in one relationship may not do so in another. I'm rather looking for input as to how YOU decide. Perhaps you let things pass if you realize it's a 'want' that you can do without albeit less happily, but you bring it up only if you thing it will seriously affect your relationship in the long term?
carhill Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 "Hon, I'd love it, whenever I'm on your mind, that you call me, even if just to say you were thinking of me" This is an example of effective positive communication. In a loving relationship honest communication is valued and respected. Tell your partner what you want, not what s/he isn't giving you. For example, in our MC, I've been repeatedly asking that, on her day off, that I'd really appreciate my wife taking a few minutes out of her day to walk out to my shop (I work at home) and spend some time with me enjoying what I love to do (luckily I make a living at it too). I don't complain about her "never paying attention to me" or stuff like that. I tell her what will make me feel more loved and appreciated. So far, no treks, other then when she needed a vacuum filter blown out However, I think the communication method is valid for those whose partners want to please and satisfy them
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