Aye..don't think I can be as "relaxed" anymore

[MsJJ]

About 5 years ago when I was dating quite a bit, I was told then I was too picky. When I was in my early 20's I was pretty ridiculous and was super picky down to the very hair color of the guy. But I have grown up since lol, thank goodness. After the break up with my ex fiance, I took a long time out from dating and all that stuff. Healing time and all that. I had decided to not be so picky and give lots of ppl chances. After the date I had tonight, I need to rethink some things here. I think I have gone from one extreme to another, first being super picky to now just giving everyone a chance. The date I had was horrible. He was the most frugal person I have ever met!

I am almost too embarrassed to admit I went on a date with this man. LOL!

All he did was talk about money and how expensive everything is. I tried to change the subject several times but gave up after a while.

He noticed my purse and said "wow prada that must have cost a fortune. How much did you pay for that?" I was throw off by this. Call me weird but I think its kinda rude to be asking that. I told him it was a xmas gift from my mom, so I don't have a clue how much it cost. Which is the truth.

I guess that opened pandoras box. From that point on everything was about how expensive everything is and how he thinks its ridiculous for ppl to do this and that and the other.

By the time we got to the restaurant I was scared to even order a salad! lolol. Well, I was hungry so I ordered whatever I wanted and paid for my stuff. And yes, he complained about everything being too expensive on the menu.

Honestly, I did not care this time around if I was bossy or aggressive or too cold or seemed like I don't need a man. I wanted to give him that vibe so he never calls me again!

He even told me about this breakfast place that he really liked but he thought it was too expensive bc they charge 98 cents for extra gravy! 98 cents! Sweating over 98 cents?!

Everything we talked about, when I tried to change the subject and talk about interests or what he does for fun or what I do for fun, it always some how lead back to money. I told him that I am an aquarium hobbyist and he began asking me where I buy my fish or supplies, and with everything he kept saying I should buy it at walmart it's cheaper there.

I understand that there are gold diggers in the world and you gotta be careful. And IMO, for example, if I go out and buy a bunch of shoes, purses, belts, make up, decor, and whatever else, if I totally splurged like I had a shopping addiction, its still my money. Its not like his money is being spent. He told me endless stories about his friends and family who just throw money away in his opinion. Like, he told me about his brother who spent 30 dollars on new equipment for his fish tanks. Well, having fish is expensive and 30 dollars is really not that much in that hobby. And what's it to him anyway? It's his brothers money not his, so why does he care so much? And it didn't come across as that genuinely concerned way either, it was just completely nosy and annoying.

If ppl want to be frugal about their own money thats their business, I just don't like it when they constantly worry about other ppl's financial situations. He should be a financial advisor or something, get paid to tell ppl how to save and pinch every penny they come across.

I could understand this more if he was just being careful with me, and wanting to find out if I was one of those gold diggers or opportunists or something. He knows I am not hurting for any money and not looking for a sugar daddy. (His dad is one of the head staff at one of the volunteer places I go to during the week).

At the end of the night he said he would give me a call, in my head, I said please don't. Sorry about this ranting, had to vent some where about this. I am highly irritated. lol.

At least my date on saturday night went well

[Mary3]

I'm so sorry you had to get a cheapy date guy. Yuck !

 

I recently went out on a date and the man pointed to all the nice places and said " Yea that's very expensive , yup that one too , yea and that one over there ," yada yada. I was sick of listening to it...

 

I remember reading somewhere that if someone complains about all the prices of everything then they are CHEAP .

 

I do understand with our faltering economy that things are nearing a recession but NEVER should your date say "Jeeeezus Crimmies would you LOOK at these menu prices " ! " Hint hint = Cheap.

 

Now of course your date let you PAY for your own dinner ? ....Turn off.

 

Now I know everyone here has a different opinion. Some women want to pay for their own so they are no longer further obligated , or for dutch sharing reasons or any other reasons.

 

I feel like if a man asked you to dinner he should pay , you might offer to pay . The next date you can help him out, maybe cook a dinner for him.

 

He complained about everything on the menu because he didn't want to get strapped with a big bill : Hence " Cheap.

 

That means if you went out with again he would likely tell you he re`uses toilet paper, 49 cents for coffee is way too much , dixie disposable cups are meant for re`using.

 

Cheap in the wallet also means cheap in the affection department . You have lost nothing , you got out quick !

 

Next time , spend longer talking and suggest things and see what comes out of his mouth.

 

Asking you how much you paid for your purse was just CRUDE. I felt like your date was lowwwwest of the low...

[Kamille]

Thing is, how could you have known before the date that this guy was obsessed with other people's spending habits? I think you did the right thing : you gave him a chance but found out he wasn't a match. At all.

 

That's what I was doing at last summer when I was dating a lot. The only lesson you have to learn is how to let them down easy. I found diplomatic honesty to be the best policy: "I don't think we're a match; we don't share the same values about money".

[MsJJ]

 

Now of course your date let you PAY for your own dinner ? ....Turn off.

 

That means if you went out with again he would likely tell you he re`uses toilet paper, 49 cents for coffee is way too much , dixie disposable cups are meant for re`using.

 

Cheap in the wallet also means cheap in the affection department . You have lost nothing , you got out quick !

 

Next time , spend longer talking and suggest things and see what comes out of his mouth.

 

thanks for your input! Yeah when the bill came, I grabbed it and paid for my share, I did not want to risk hearing him complain about that.

Thats funny...and thats how he was 49 cents would probably big expensive to him for a cup of coffee and reusing dixie cups is probably a good idea to him..lol, as I forgot to mention that he did tell me he reuses zip lock bags...

And next time...no there won't be a next time. I won't be mean but I wish him the best and I hope he finds a girl is who is more on the same page as him. She's not me.

 

Thing is, how could you have known before the date that this guy was obsessed with other people's spending habits? I think you did the right thing : you gave him a chance but found out he wasn't a match. At all.

 

That's what I was doing at last summer when I was dating a lot. The only lesson you have to learn is how to let them down easy. I found diplomatic honesty to be the best policy: "I don't think we're a match; we don't share the same values about money".

 

Exactly. And if he calls back I will be nice to him. I don't see the point in being mean. One has to truly be mean or extremely rude to me before I will say something harsh back. Annoying and frugal yes, but he wasn't a mean guy, just not for me!

[Mary3]

Their cheapness reflects in many ways. I once was asked on a date for a movie. When it came time to pay he said " You are going to pay for your share , right ? I was like ( thinking ) " yea I will pay for the movie you invited me to but you won't get another date "

 

But he asked me to come over and he was very handsome so I thought I would relent and give him another chance. He gripped the remote the entire time and scrounged reluctantly to get a $ 5 pizza special. This was how it was and it really turned me off.

 

Those are the kind of guys who clutch a buy get one free dinner. ( and since his was free he suggested I pay mine ! ) lol.... I actually have had dates do this. I didn't think that was very cool. Geez save that for your mom or your sister, but your DATE ? Its all about first impressions....

[MsJJ]

LOL! oh gees. Yeah thats pretty bad. I don't mean to laugh but I can sympathize how you must have felt!

I know this is mean but last night I was almost waiting for him to bring out the buy one get one free dinner coupon at the restaurant we were at.

I can even understand ppl who are not so well off and they have to save, but the guy last night...he is not hurting. And what irritated me the most was how he was sooo into what everyone else was doing with their money!

I can't live like that and much less be with a person like that, who will worry about how many cents you spent on coffee...or scrounge for a 5 dollar pizza. lol.

Oh yeah! Thats another thing...when we did talk about coffee..I told him I go to starbucks to get coffee in the morning sometimes, there is one right across the street from me. He said "oh so you live like a rockstar with the expensive coffee". I pretended I didn't hear him.

[Mary3]

I had a guy invite me to a Bar and Grill.

I arrived first and then he did . He chatted with me, never offered or asked if I wanted something to drink ( not a big drinker anyway ) .

We talked for awhile and he asked if I wanted to come over and see his house. I said sure . ( We had been talking a long time like weeks and I didn't think he was a psycho ,I even knew where he worked ).

We were getting ready to leave and I would follow him in my car. He mentioned that he was actually a roomate in the house. I said " Oh I thought you said Your house " He said " Well its not my house I just stay in a room. " So I said to myself oh what the heck this date is totally going downhill so I agreed to go over there. It was not a clean place , it was not in the greatest area, and I had to sit on a couch that was not that clean.

Needless to say , I sat at the far end of the couch and made some idle talk and decided to get out of there. When I was walking to my car I said " Hey I thought you said we would get something to eat at the Bar and Grill . He said " Oh did I , I forgot "....~ What a d*** bag.

The guy made decent money. I wont say the profession but at least 50 G a year according to him. He had all kinds of toys in the garage ( I wonder now if they were his ) . He couldn't even afford to buy me a drink ? LOL

 

You know I have sooo many stories. Not all guys were cheap . I have amazing stories of generosity too

[MsJJ]

My goodness...lol.

I wish this had been a good post about a great date. lol. I had to vent though.

I know that at the moment its not funny when its happening, but at least afterwards you can look back and laugh.

I can understand ppl being frugal or careful about their money when they have to be. But ppl who are just cheap bc they want to be nosy in other's ppl business, drives me crazy.

And why ask someone out to dinner only to change it later, while showing a house that is not even theirs? lol.

[carhill]

It's called an ego writing checks that the body and wallet can't cash

 

One doesn't have to be wealthy to understand and appreciate the finer aspects of style and grace, as well as discretion, no?

 

Sorry to hear your date didn't....

[MsJJ]

It's called an ego writing checks that the body and wallet can't cash

 

One doesn't have to be wealthy to understand and appreciate the finer aspects of style and grace, as well as discretion, no?

 

Sorry to hear your date didn't....

 

 

Beautifully put! exactly. And thank you.

[BlueHaiku]

MsJJ,

 

Don't give up on dating widely, though. You got a bad one, true, but you might just find a good one in someone you didn't expect. Remember, you've got to dig through a lot of stone to find a diamond.

[Trimmer]

All he did was talk about money and how expensive everything is. I tried to change the subject several times but gave up after a while.

He noticed my purse and said "wow prada that must have cost a fortune. How much did you pay for that?" I was throw off by this. Call me weird but I think its kinda rude to be asking that. I told him it was a xmas gift from my mom, so I don't have a clue how much it cost. Which is the truth.

I guess that opened pandoras box. From that point on everything was about how expensive everything is and how he thinks its ridiculous for ppl to do this and that and the other.

By the time we got to the restaurant I was scared to even order a salad! lolol. Well, I was hungry so I ordered whatever I wanted and paid for my stuff.

Hmmm... Did he give you a box of stale Valentine's chocolates? I think you might have gone out with GoldPile. (Reference here if anyone is unsure what I'm talking about. Read post #1 for background, then post #16 for "The Date.")

 

I can understand ppl being frugal or careful about their money when they have to be. But ppl who are just cheap bc they want to be nosy in other's ppl business, drives me crazy.

And I'll say that frugality and class are two different things. There's no reason you can't be frugal yet still carry yourself with class and elegance. I think you get this - It's not the frugality that's the flaw, it's a more basic personality issue. Oh here, carhill says it well:

One doesn't have to be wealthy to understand and appreciate the finer aspects of style and grace, as well as discretion, no?

 

At least my date on saturday night went well.

I think you need to tell us more about that...

[MsJJ]

 

And I'll say that frugality and class are two different things. There's no reason you can't be frugal yet still carry yourself with class and elegance. I think you get this - It's not the frugality that's the flaw, it's a more basic personality issue.

 

I completely agree.

 

LOL, and no it wasn't gold pile. lol.

 

I have decided to post about my nice date after I have the second date with him which is in a few days !

[Gold Pile]

I completely agree.

 

LOL, and no it wasn't gold pile. lol.

 

I have decided to post about my nice date after I have the second date with him which is in a few days !

 

Wasn't me huh?...well...you loss

[PinkKittyKat]

Man, those stories were so funny! Sorry you guys had such crap dates.

 

Now, I have dated unemployed guys... it's all about attitude. I don't care how much a guy makes, but if he's going to act like that about other people's finances, it'd be seeya.

 

I'm quite protective of my finances, I cannot stand when my best friend occasionally says, "Oh, can you even afford that?!"

I made more money than her every time she asked, and it's such an insulting question. If a guy did that...well, man I'd be choked.

 

Weirdly enough, my bf's mom is very focused on money, if we ask her where she got something or if she or us have been given a present, the first statement she always makes is "Oh that's very expensive!" in this pleased tone. I hate when people are so focused on money. Don't people have enough money problems without making other people's money their problem too?