Lookingforward Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 if I sent an email to an addy I know he rarely checks and then a month or so later (tonight) thought better of it and unsent it anyway ? Just wondering
Gwyneth Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 If he already opened it, then I don't think you can retract the email. But yes--emailing him even if you pull it away breaks the NC rule, unless you went NC after the email was sent.
whichwayisup Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 if I sent an email to an addy I know he rarely checks and then a month or so later (tonight) thought better of it and unsent it anyway ? Just wondering How can you "unsend" an email? Regular email address or not, you still broke NC by emailing him...The intent was there. Next time you feel the urge, handwrite a letter or just type one out, but do not send it. Do this for yourself, theraputic reasons..
LOVE DAISIES Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 You can "unsend" emails if you have AOL..and the recipient is on AOL as well.I have "unsent" many regretted emails myself...lol Personally I only think it's breaking NC if the intended recipient KNOWS about it. What they don't know doesn't matter.......
Author Lookingforward Posted March 25, 2008 Author Posted March 25, 2008 You can "unsend" emails if you have AOL..and the recipient is on AOL as well.I have "unsent" many regretted emails myself...lol Personally I only think it's breaking NC if the intended recipient KNOWS about it. What they don't know doesn't matter....... Yup exactly - aol or aim you can "unsend" it if it hasn't been read For all I know he'll never even see the "unsend" and the subject line didn't give away the content
Classy Lady Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 Yes...Think it throughly, once you push that send key....you can't take it back!
Author Lookingforward Posted March 25, 2008 Author Posted March 25, 2008 Well you can if he hasn't read it and you're both on aol/aim LOL
Author Lookingforward Posted March 25, 2008 Author Posted March 25, 2008 You naughty woman you, LF! It was just after the "anniversary" of when we met - Valentine's, no less so I was feeling kinda fragile and mushy....what can I say ? Haven't done too badly with NC all things considered...
LakesideDream Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 LookingForward. What's the difference? NC is a tool for helping you to get far enough from your loss to begin making rational decisions, and to give you an emotional rest. It's not an end all, be all in itself. It's a passive defensive act. Succeeding or failing in NC isn't the "goal". It's just a tool to help you get through a bad time in your life.
Author Lookingforward Posted March 25, 2008 Author Posted March 25, 2008 Thanks LD I made the rational decision already - but the devil is in the details as they say
Lyssa Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 It was just after the "anniversary" of when we met - Valentine's, no less so I was feeling kinda fragile and mushy....what can I say ? Haven't done too badly with NC all things considered... Ah well, I have been there - once or twice with xBF. What would you do if he initiated contact with you?
Author Lookingforward Posted March 25, 2008 Author Posted March 25, 2008 Ah well, I have been there - once or twice with xBF. What would you do if he initiated contact with you? That would depend on the reason for the contact, I think
Owl Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 What would be the reasons that you would resume contact with him (what reasons could he contact you with that you would respond to?)?
frannie Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 if I sent an email to an addy I know he rarely checks and then a month or so later (tonight) thought better of it and unsent it anyway ? Just wondering Well if he never read it, it can't exactly be counted as 'contact'; no more than the classic 'writing a letter and then tearing it up'. No contact has been made with him. However, on the other hand, you did have the intention of contacting him, and of course that means there is some danger that you will do it again in a rash moment. Perhaps there are safeguards you can put up to help prevent that? Maybe deleting his email addresses (if you don't know them off by heart), or other things that would slow you down or make you think twice before hitting 'send'? OR force yourself to leave the house or turn off the computer if you're in any way tempted to even begin composing words to him..? In any case, don't beat yourself up about it. If your intention is to keep to NC, and move forward, then that is the main thing. We can all slip up at times. Breaking NC is not the end of the world. Just get back on the waggon and keep going forward
Author Lookingforward Posted March 25, 2008 Author Posted March 25, 2008 What would be the reasons that you would resume contact with him (what reasons could he contact you with that you would respond to?)? I'd have to do some soul searching on that one. I think if the contact was to say that despite their best efforts they had realised the M was unsalvageable and it was time to move on and that he was moving out again and filing for divorce, I would respond. Even then my response would be tempered by whether he was saying he wanted to have another chance at 'us' or not. Whether I was interested would have a lot to do with timing and where I was at emotionally etc as well.
Owl Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 Makes sense, though I'd suggest you require that he ALREADY be moved out and have the divorce filed before you respond...otherwise, its all still just words.
Author Lookingforward Posted March 26, 2008 Author Posted March 26, 2008 Makes sense, though I'd suggest you require that he ALREADY be moved out and have the divorce filed before you respond...otherwise, its all still just words. Yup, sorry, that's what I meant = ) I was never an OW and not about to start being one either, although after the first effort I think I might require the actual final decree, not just a filing
whichwayisup Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 I think if the contact was to say that despite their best efforts they had realised the M was unsalvageable and it was time to move on and that he was moving out again and filing for divorce, I would respond. If he says that, he'd be smart to wait until he actually HAS moved out and gotten the divorce.
Author Lookingforward Posted March 26, 2008 Author Posted March 26, 2008 If he says that, he'd be smart to wait until he actually HAS moved out and gotten the divorce. Well basically, I'd be saying "call me when you get it"
Recommended Posts