If its just overreacting, then why does it hurt so much?!

[maica3]

I can not stop crying and can not stop replaying everything in my head.....and I know this has been discussed several times on this site before and I am sure it is getting old but I am new here and just need an outlet.

 

So, I am married to a wonderful man who I love and adore. The unfortunate part about it is, despite all that he says and does, I do not trust him. I am now about to give birth to our second child, and though many of you feel this is not a big deal, I found porn on his computer and caught him in the act the other night. I am so crushed! Sure, chalk it up to hormones and insecurity because of my weight and size. Which I am sure has something to do with it, but its also not the first time. Am I just overreacting? Why does it hurt so much? Why do I feel so inadaquate and like I will never be enough? So I let him know how I was feeling and he brushed me off....he said he wasnt doing anything wrong and I needed to get over it. What I dont understand is that if he truly loves me why would he continue to do something that hurts me so much? I just want to understand.....and now I cant even look at him without picturing naked women. I do not want him to touch me or even look at me, because I although I am a fairly attractive woman, I am no way close to what he is looking at or looking for on the internet. I just do not want to continue to feel this way, is it just me.....how can you love someone so much and just not understand?????? Why does it hurt so much??!!!!!!

[amor est vitae essen]

I can not stop crying and can not stop replaying everything in my head.....and I know this has been discussed several times on this site before and I am sure it is getting old but I am new here and just need an outlet.

 

So, I am married to a wonderful man who I love and adore. The unfortunate part about it is, despite all that he says and does, I do not trust him. I am now about to give birth to our second child, and though many of you feel this is not a big deal, I found porn on his computer and caught him in the act the other night. I am so crushed! Sure, chalk it up to hormones and insecurity because of my weight and size. Which I am sure has something to do with it, but its also not the first time. Am I just overreacting? Why does it hurt so much? Why do I feel so inadaquate and like I will never be enough? So I let him know how I was feeling and he brushed me off....he said he wasnt doing anything wrong and I needed to get over it. What I dont understand is that if he truly loves me why would he continue to do something that hurts me so much? I just want to understand.....and now I cant even look at him without picturing naked women. I do not want him to touch me or even look at me, because I although I am a fairly attractive woman, I am no way close to what he is looking at or looking for on the internet. I just do not want to continue to feel this way, is it just me.....how can you love someone so much and just not understand?????? Why does it hurt so much??!!!!!!

 

Well yeah, you *are* overreacting. Looking at porn usually has no relation to whatever situation the viewer is in; it's a self-indulgent pleasure. Just because he's looking at pictures of naked women doesn't mean he feels any differently about you, nor is he likely to be wishing he was with somebody else.

 

Fact is, (probably) most men masturbate, whether it is using their imagination or magazines/internet/DVDs is irrelevant. It's very rarely a sign of a relationship breaking-down.

 

Your upbringing will go someway to have shaped how you view masturbation; these days it really isn't very taboo, and is discussed quite openly. He's right in that he isn't really doing anything wrong per se, but you do need to tell him just how much it hurts you, and why. You need to emphasise that you feel insecure and it is hurting your relationship, and take it from there.

 

Good luck.

[Starla]

hi maica. i think, being pregnant might have something to do with this. your body has changed (although i think pregnant women are beautiful) and add to the mix all the different hormones that must be raging through you...and also pregnancy can make you feel even more vulnerable and wanting to be certain of your partner's love!!

 

practically the first thing you said was that he's a wonderful man, and you love him. focus on that!! focus on the fact he is a fantastic husband, a loving father, a provider, a protector...what you caught him doing is hurtful, but it pales into insignificance when you think of all the great qualities he has. plus, he was just getting a wee thrill....there was no emotion there - just short term kicks that must have seemed like a good idea for him at the time. his feelings, his emotions, his love...belong only to you!!

[LadyInsanity]

I agree with PP's...it's just pictures...if he was cheating that would be another story....

[carhill]

So, OP, how has sex been for the two of you while pregnant? It's perfectly normal to have sex during pregnancy, save for some specifics with problem pregnancies.

 

While a man should be expected to be patient with the "raging hormones" of his pregnant wife, her role is to be appreciative of his support and patience and show him that. Push his hand away from his penis and replace it with your own, or perform fellatio on him (if normal for you). You made a baby together; it's not like your bodies are unfamiliar to each other.

 

If he hasn't had sex in awhile, and desires it, blue balls will make him frustrated (that's vascular congestion in the pelvic and testicular areas), so he's just relieving the pressure, so to speak. It's not an insult. Think of what they'd give him to look at if manually extracting a sperm sample at a fertility clinic (at least, in the old days, that's what they did LOL). It's just a means to an end and no reflection on his love for you.

 

Buy some lube and get that hand busy, girl

[Starla]

Buy some lube and get that hand busy, girl

 

:laugh:

:lmao::lmao:

 

tooooo funny!!!!