juliebijoux Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 For over the past month, I have gone out with this guy Alex. After our first date I said that I had a really great time and that we should do it again. He did not call me until I sent him an email about a week later. Then, we started seeing each other more often. I thought that before we were going to have sex, I wanted to know if he had any current other partners. So, I told him that I had dated another guy briefly, but that it didn't work out. Then I did not hear from Alex for several days and he did not return my calls. I was about to just give up, but we know each other through a mutual friends and they encouraged me to call him once more call. Today I found out that after our first date that the guy really liked me, but that he thought I didn't like him. So he didn't call until I contacted him. Then he was extremely troubled and hurt by the fact that I had just gone out with another guy at the beginning of our relationship. For some reason Alex thought that I was going to go back to this other guy. I don't know if I can handle this constant stepping on eggshells. Also, my friend also told me to not pursue Alex too much, b/c he enjoys "the chase." I am just frustrated. Any advice on how to let him know that I want to be in a relationship with him, with letting him pursue me?
AussieJack Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 I was about to just give up, but we know each other through a mutual friends and they encouraged me to call him once more call. Today I found out that after our first date that the guy really liked me, but that he thought I didn't like him. So he didn't call until I contacted him. Then he was extremely troubled and hurt by the fact that I had just gone out with another guy at the beginning of our relationship. For some reason Alex thought that I was going to go back to this other guy. I don't know if I can handle this constant stepping on eggshells. Also, my friend also told me to not pursue Alex too much, b/c he enjoys "the chase." I am just frustrated. Any advice on how to let him know that I want to be in a relationship with him, with letting him pursue me? NEVER listen to a "friend" about guys - your 'best friends' inevitably have their own agenda. . UNless she has been in a relationship with this guy she is as uninformed as you about how and what he thinks and feels. AJs Rules say - "Women do NOT know how men think - only other men do."
Author juliebijoux Posted March 25, 2008 Author Posted March 25, 2008 (edited) Well my friend is actually more of my acquaintance and the guy's good friend. She is happily married and I think that her agenda might be that she wants his and my relationship to succeed. She told me that Alex felt really bad that I was seeing another guy at the very same time that I was seeing him. He thought that I wasn't sending a message that I wanted to be serious. BUT HE NEVER SAID THIS TO ME DIRECTLY! However, I totally agree with your point that I shouldn't listen to other people. But the problem is that unless everything is going perfectly, then Alex closes up. He told me that "he was being anti-social" and not responding to my calls. Edited March 25, 2008 by juliebijoux
City_girl Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 I went with a guarded guy who wouldn't open up to me, wouldn't let me in then didn't want to let me out, very painful experience. He won't suddenly change into someone else. I think you need to move on, this guy is clearly not ready for a relationship
AussieJack Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 AJ how many rules do you have? I have never counted them- Perhaps 20 or so... They are a collection of guidelines and slogans and proverbs which I know to be true because I have road tested them. Tens years work.
AussieJack Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 Today I found out that after our first date that the guy really liked me, but that he thought I didn't like him. So he didn't call until I contacted him. Then he was extremely troubled and hurt by the fact that I had just gone out with another guy at the beginning of our relationship. For some reason Alex thought that I was going to go back to this other guy. These sorts of misunderstandings are very common in the first month. The way to get through this period is for ONE of you to STEER the new relationship calmly by understanding that confusion is inevitable and that in a few weeks it all settles into a dating rhythm. However if he was indeed," extremely troubled and hurt by the fact that you had gone out with another guy.,." then I can tell you that he really LIKES you (or was that axiomatic) Because he is closed off does NOT mean anything negative. HE may be a person with good self control or someone who just "watches and waits" . ONce again, do not discuss men with women or take advice from women about dating men - ask another man.. Good luck with MR Eggshells.
Author juliebijoux Posted March 25, 2008 Author Posted March 25, 2008 Yeah, I do really think that he likes me, just from his behavior on dates and hanging out. Plus he has told his friends this, who have told me (it makes me feel like I'm in 6th grade though...) Do you think that I should keep on trying to keep up daily communication with him to reassure him of my feelings as well? Just little texts, b/c he isn't very talkative on the phone. Or should I wait for him to contact me?
AussieJack Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 Do you think that I should keep on trying to keep up daily communication with him to reassure him of my feelings as well? Just little texts, b/c he isn't very talkative on the phone. Or should I wait for him to contact me? Here are some clues - "We usually pursue ONLY those people who are moving away from us" "Perceived 'value' is a powerful factor in increasing our popularity" "Scarcity increases perceived value and triggers desire " Ya feel me on this ?
mortensorchid Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 What are we, back in eighth grade here? You have your friend get information for you? Whatever will be will be. But, allow me to say that you as the woman should not make things too easy for him at first. If he's suddenly interested, get busy all of a sudden - even if you're just sitting in front of the TV on Saturday night. Make him work over it. Just a little.
Author juliebijoux Posted March 26, 2008 Author Posted March 26, 2008 Yeah, I don't even really ask for information from my friends.... however, all of our friends really seem to want the dating to turn into a relationship. Ok, I am no longer talking to them about Alex though. Tonight he texted me, and we were flirty back and forth. Then at one point he was like oh you're my f*ck buddy. And I responded with "oh" and then he actually opened up!! He texted back that he didn't mean that he only wanted to be that. He said that he would hope that it would turn into something more, but we should see how it naturally progresses. That is how I feel too. He did say that he wanted me to come over tonight, however, I said that i was busy. But I might see him tomorrow.
Little Shy Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 Ok, I am no longer talking to them about Alex though. Tonight he texted me, and we were flirty back and forth. Then at one point he was like oh you're my f*ck buddy. And I responded with "oh" and then he actually opened up!! He texted back that he didn't mean that he only wanted to be that. He said that he would hope that it would turn into something more, but we should see how it naturally progresses. That is how I feel too. He did say that he wanted me to come over tonight, however, I said that i was busy. But I might see him tomorrow. Uh oh! I wouldn't like that. Even in a "joking" tone, for some guy that I had sex with early on to refer to me as a f**K buddy.If that's what I wanted from him also, then fine. Can't help but wonder if he was just testing the waters to see if that term/arrangement would fly with you? But does he really mean that, that he hopes it will develop to more, but we will see?? Then the extra concern to the situation, after this type of conversation with him, he asks you if you want to come over tonight? What time was this? Come over to go to sleep, or for some vertical activity of some sort? Not to sound too ominous here, because I do believe (unlike a lot of posters here) that a LTR can come from a relationship with sex early on, but I would be careful & proceed with caution with this one.
Advocate's Devilette Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 Honestly, your friend is just giving you her version of what she feels he is thinking. I don't think he was put off by you being in a relationship before him, that is not your fault. This guy just isn't that into you. Under no circumstances should you continue to initiate contact with him. If he's into you, he'll contact you. I'm so tired of people making all these excuses for men that aren't into them. It is kind of sad actually.
skinnybrowngirl Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 He only wants you for sex. He has you wanting him more than he wants you and now he has that he is working on stringing you along, getting sex from you with the promise that *maybe* one day it will be more. RUN
Legend Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 What are we, back in eighth grade here? You have your friend get information for you? Whatever will be will be. But, allow me to say that you as the woman should not make things too easy for him at first. If he's suddenly interested, get busy all of a sudden - even if you're just sitting in front of the TV on Saturday night. Make him work over it. Just a little. You're advising the epitome of what is wrong with the society. Don't play BS games. Seriously. If 2 people are interested they should show it. You've got it so mixed up Mortenchild
ohmegah7 Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 I have never counted them- Perhaps 20 or so... They are a collection of guidelines and slogans and proverbs which I know to be true because I have road tested them. Tens years work. you need a blog or something... always have the best advice.
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