u91746 Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 I posted the summary of my EA which became a bit of a PA (no sex) and how that affair with a co-worker has been completely revealed - down to the e-mails, etc. OW is on holidays with her husband for a couple of weeks - therapy - and I've taken a week off to add to the time away from each other at work. We work in a relatively large unit, and now in separate units, so there should be minimal contact with each other. My question is this: in the event of incidental or professional conduct, how do I carry on? Avoid her completely? Treat her like any other co-worker? Be friendly and chat? I know this seems like small potatoes, but it isn't. Earlier, after the affair broke, we ran into each other and chatted professionally in front of others. She pulled me aside afterwards and we chatted briefly about how things were going with our spouses, etc., and she was very professional, very pleasant. Is this what I should expect or should I run away at the sight of her.
justice Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 What a horrid situation to be in. You have my deepest sympathies. Can you ignore her? No sense in running away. I'd have as little contact as possible and try to act as if seeing her when you do, doesn't really matter that much to you. I know that's easier said than done. I definately would not be friendly though. I would try to be professional if needed but that is it.
whichwayisup Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 My question is this: in the event of incidental or professional conduct, how do I carry on? Avoid her completely? Treat her like any other co-worker? Be friendly and chat? I know this seems like small potatoes, but it isn't. A "hello" and that's it. Be professional, only talk to her WHEN absolutely necessary. Don't ask how she is, don't encourage ANY personal talk whatsoever, and don't do ANY idle chit-chat. Do NC as much as you can - Even in your mind as well. Don't "look" at her, don't allow yourself to "think" either. Keep your distance and if she crosses the lines, tell her it's inappropriate now to "talk" and walk away. You don't owe her any long explanation.
Owl Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 I wouldn't even suggest a 'hello'. NC means no contact. If you see her, there's no reason to interact with her unless there's truly a BUSINESS REASON to do so. And it needs to be a VALID business reason...not something that you THINK she needs to be engaged on. See the distinction? Don't treat her poorly...just don't interact with her at all. I'd also consider looking for a change of employment that would take you outside of that situation completely. ANY contact can spur a renewal of the affair, or cause feelings to be rekindled. And if your wife knows that the possibility of contact still exists...it will hinder her recovery as well.
whichwayisup Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 I wouldn't even suggest a 'hello'. I agree. But if she says hello first, then say hello back. Don't be the one to say it first.
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