jwmonkey Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 (edited) Me and my ex of 1 1/2 year broke up , she broke up with me after I didnt call her for 12 days after she said something that hurt my feelings. Basically she told me she didnt want me to be with her on New Years becuase she thought I flaked on her party she had days before but the fact is she didnt plan it well and never told me when or where it was until the same day of the party only hours before in a text message. My phone was recharging so i missed the text message and the party. Anyways I got mad and held off calling her as that would be rewarding bad behavior but at 12 days she changed her myspace profile to single and took off all of our pictures together. I got angry and told her I want whatever stuff of mine she has. A week later I told her I want to come get my stuff and she refused to give me my stuff. I told her to just keep it then and F-off and good ridence. A month of NC I start to really miss her and sent her Best friend a letter asking if she thinks that she might want to talk things out with me. I then sent her a letter directly. Also her friend said the best advice I can give you is to just start talking to her again. So after a letter and a text message. I got no reply. Just read and thats it. I sent one more letter. The ignoring my attempts to make things right only drove me nuts so I drove to her house. I waited outside for 2 hours for her to wake and go to work so she would have to see me and talk with me face to face because when she broke up with me it was all done very non face to face. Either texts or on Myspace. So now she had to see my eyes and deny me. Well she did. She told me to move my car. I told her I would but only if she agrees to talk with me. I then moved my car as a show of non threat. I just want us to talk face to face. But behind closed doors she said go away or I will call the police. At that point it hurt to hear but I wasnt going to push anymore. I leave and post a blog about the fact that you cant win them all but you can sure try. I figured yea so she rejected me but it wasnt going to get me down or at least I wasnt going to show it. But I left her alone for another 2 weeks up until St. Pattys day. It braught memories back and I called and left a voicemail , told her I missed her and its hard for me to pretend that she is dead to me. 2 days later I called again and just started talking on her voicemail as if I was talking to her. I was a little drunk and that didnt help but I wasnt groveling or begging I was just talking and trying to bring up memories of us and how things took a turn and how we never got a chance to go over what went wrong and that this was all based on lack of communcation. I left 3 messages becuase the voicemail would cut me off and I need to continue the talk lol. So After all that I finally send a text message that sais. Here I will make this easy. On a scale of 1-10- 1 will tell me that I should leave you alone forever and 10 the opposite but if you dont respond I will consider it a 5 meaning that you are still punishing me and wanting me to suffer for saying mean things when we broke up. So after about an hour she writes back with a 1 and says i thought that by me almost calling the police you would have realised that i dont want anything to do with you ever again. Wow that hurt but I got an answer. I will leave her alone. I wrote back OK and that was it. Its been over a week now and I wrote a blog to save face. It was a simple link to a scene from "Say Anything with Loyyd Dobler holding up a radio while the radio plays IN YOUR EYES" and I asked a question to all who would read the blog that asked "Is this man a stalker or is he just in love and will do anything to keep it?" Now I say this because its her favorite movie. And although I didnt play music and I am not an actor. I waited 2 hours just to see her face. Just to speak with her and see her cat in the window. Close enough. I am not a stalker. I did not beg or grovell or cry. I wanted to do what I could do to save what we had that got so screwed up because of our lack of communication and the fact that we both said stupid things when we were angry. But now when i am nice and sweet and come to apologize and have realized what I did she wont even talk to me. So yeah I just noticed that the link from my blog from Utube is now on her Myspace so she not only saw it she took it and read as well a few other blogs that talk about how I am dating again and losing weight and working on me and feeling good. So I dont know what to think. Maybe she will call maybe she will write. I went out last Saturday and had some fun with a new girl and that made me feel better. Nothing serious with the new girl but I am sure that now I have added her to my Myspace she will leave an incriminating comment that my ex might see and might get her worried that even tho she said never, when I actually stop showing her attention and give it to someone else she might really miss that. I know she goes to my Myspace page and checks up on things. Hmmm Now what? Edited March 24, 2008 by jwmonkey
youngbuckkk Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 Honestly, it seems pretty clear that she is now doing her own thing and doesn't want to try and make things work again. I would think the police threat would show you that. Best thing to do is try to forget her and move on. Avoid trying to guilt trip her or bring up old memories in the form of myspace songs and stuff like that. It makes you seem desperate in her eyes and only makes her feel better about leaving. Gives her an ego boost. Focus on the new girl and just try to live your life without her. Don't count on her becoming jealous and calling, don't call and try to reconcile anymore, you've made it known how you feel and she isn't having it. Just move on dude, there's always a chance she may change her mind, but you can't live hoping she does, you need to make yourself happy and adjust to life without her.
dfreeman Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 but I play one on YouTube! Sorry man, I just couldn't resist! Stay away from the dark side man (needy, clingy, stalkery) and concentrate on those good things you said you were working on! Live good, dfree
Author jwmonkey Posted March 25, 2008 Author Posted March 25, 2008 So last night I wrote her a letter. The whole time I was writting it, I am mentally preparing for her to reject my letter. I am planning for the worst case scenario. But in this way it will be sort of liberating. I dont plan on winning this one. Its weird. I actually hooked up with a girl last saturday and it felt good but I still want to try and get my ex back even when she has said Leave me alone forever!! I think she is just scared of loving me again. My persistance could win this one. She is starting to see that I am getting alot of attention from other women. It could be good but I have again prepared for the worst case scenario. I dont expect her to write back, but i wrote this letter , hand written on lined paper and sprayed it with the cologne she baught me and I mailed it out today. I have already gone through the worst feelings with her. She cant hurt me anymore. So why not keep trying? Here is the letter.... Dear ------- As much as I respect your wishes forme to be out of your life without contact I cannot just give upondoing evrything I can think of and more to open up your closed heart to me and let me back in. I lost your trust then I lost you. I made my mistakes and I have learned fromthem the hard way. I know that you miss me. I know that you still love me. Even if you still hate me you will know that hate isnt that far off from love. You cant hate me forever no matter how hard you try and fool yourself. If you want to fight ,lets have a tickle fight, I will even tie my right arm behind my back. I will make you laugh till you pee. Try hating me then. So I now challenge you to a match! You can reject me all you want but you can not bring me down. I stilllove you and I dont give up on someone or somethings easy just because things seem tough or even impossible. You have not proved to me that you dont still love me or that you are over me. You have only proved that you can hold on to a grudge as a coping mechanism. I see it for what it is. It may be difficult and I may on my own chose to give up this chase for other reasons as I chose to live my life to its fullest. Being without you does have its sense of freedom in and of itself and its only when I have nothing to lose. Right now I can go anywhere and do anything and daet anybody I chose but right now I still chose you. Whatever the outcome I am happy with or without you. But I would be happier with you back in my life again. Did you ever actually believe that a couple would be happier if they never argued or faught. I personally could not live like that. Only by the occasional riff every now and then things stay interesting. Making up after a long one can be pretty damn hot. Again I challenge you! We have been together for a long time. We are still learning from and about each other even if we arent together right now. I made myself a promise to never become boring and too agreeable just to avoid a fight. I will always say how I feel. I make that promise to you as well. I also make the promise to be the rock you can always lean on when you are not feeling so strong. Nobody can stay strong forever. I wasnt there when you really needed me but it was bad planning and communication on noth our parts as well as hurt and confused emotions on both our parts as well. Like all wounds this scar that remains will be tougher then before. We will be better together then before. If you are truelly over me, I will be able to tell but by staying angry and not talking to me and pure avoidance or even dating someone else as a rebound speaks volumes and are just your coping mechanisms that you are just afraid of what you feel and are scared to open up to me again. But you can not hide. Again I challenge you to go out with me or let me come over and cook dinner and I wont even bring up any talk of relationships or us unless you want to and I will be able to see for myself through your body language and your eyes how you really feel. Only then will I be satisfied. Or better yet I challenge you to get drunk with me and have a tickle fight and kiss and make out with me and then have the best make up sex you have ever had in your life. That is a promise I can deliver. Are you up for the challenge? ------------------------------------------------- If I get a responce I will post it here. If not I will try another approach. Or I may end up just getting bored with it all and another woman will come along. I am already on 3 different dating sites and my confidence is back and I am feeling good but I am chosing to use my confidence as a source of power. Might could work just:cool: maybe.
youngbuckkk Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 Lol, dude, she threatened to call the cops to get rid of you, she told you she doesn't want you in her life. You may think she will take this letter as seeing you moving on and not caring as much, but I'd bet the house she sees this as a desperate attempt to get her back and it will only give her an ego boost. You really need to forget about her man, it's over and the only way I can think of you getting her back would be to just leave her life and let her miss you. Why would she take you back now when she sees she can do her own thing and have you waiting in the wings?
Author jwmonkey Posted March 25, 2008 Author Posted March 25, 2008 Well for one thing I am challenging her not begging her back. I am comming from a place of strength and confidence which most people dont do. secondly I am having better luck meeting other women then she is having meeting other men. Secondly I am emotionally numb to her reactions anyways. I dont care if she has a big head or a small head for that matter. She cant call the cops because I mailed her a letter. However I wont be living in doubt thinking what if and or I could have tried that. At this point I pretty much already know that outcome. I am just doing it to satisfy myself. If there is a chance so be it. Also this falls in line with showing someone constant attention and then cutting them off completly. Most people on here dont realize that women want attention even if they act like they dont or take it for granted but you have to get them hooked on it and then when they are hooked like a drug you cut them off completely but only after getting them used to your continued attempts and if she even thinks that I gave up because she was nasty or mean to me the last few times then I look like i am controlled by fear of what she thinks of me. I just havent cut her off yet. Im just not ready yet but if and when i do it will be on my terms. Its like taming a wild animal sometimes you cant rush it you have to just take small steps towards that animal and then sit and relax until they relax and repeat.
dfreeman Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 I will hand you one thing monkey... A lot of people come on here looking for help before they do desperate stuff like this. Even more people come here looking to put the pieces back together after crazy stuff like this has torn their life apart. It is refreshing to see somebody actually come on here during the act of giving someone their last little bit of dignity. I don't think this will work out in your favor, nor do I think this will be your last attempt contacting her, but this is a support forum and I do wish you the best.
mas21 Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 i did not read the whole letter, But i was dating a guy who was a little intense and did not take the hint from no replies to his emails or multiple texts, call and voicemail's. He will get means and drunk and also leave messages. Well we broke up over a year ago and he still will randomly send me something crazy. Sorry if shes lonely and sees you getting attention she may reply one time down the road, but it is not because she wants you. She wants to see if she still has control over you. You might hang out a couple times, but then she will realize oh i dont really like him, i just wanted attention because i know that he will give it to me. And then she will break up with you again. I am not saying this is directly my situation, but unfortunately i have done that and know many many girls who also have done this. Calling the cops is a sure sign. I used to even say leave me alone, go away, all hints saying no i dont want you. Keep up the positive energy and dont bring yourself down with a girl that does not care about your feelings. SHe may not be intentionally hurting you, but she doesnt care enough for it to matter to her.
Ofleg7 Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 (edited) Jwmonkey, you had two 'secondly's in your last post Seriously though.. um.. you should leave off for a bit, give her some space. She doesn't want you around right now.. she's made that very clear. good luck for whatever you do Edited March 25, 2008 by Ofleg7
youngbuckkk Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 Well for one thing I am challenging her not begging her back. I am comming from a place of strength and confidence which most people dont do. secondly I am having better luck meeting other women then she is having meeting other men. Secondly I am emotionally numb to her reactions anyways. I dont care if she has a big head or a small head for that matter. She cant call the cops because I mailed her a letter. However I wont be living in doubt thinking what if and or I could have tried that. At this point I pretty much already know that outcome. I am just doing it to satisfy myself. If there is a chance so be it. Also this falls in line with showing someone constant attention and then cutting them off completly. Most people on here dont realize that women want attention even if they act like they dont or take it for granted but you have to get them hooked on it and then when they are hooked like a drug you cut them off completely but only after getting them used to your continued attempts and if she even thinks that I gave up because she was nasty or mean to me the last few times then I look like i am controlled by fear of what she thinks of me. I just havent cut her off yet. Im just not ready yet but if and when i do it will be on my terms. Its like taming a wild animal sometimes you cant rush it you have to just take small steps towards that animal and then sit and relax until they relax and repeat. I really don't see it as "challenging her". You're trying to manipulate her into taking you back. You say you're in a position of power and are emotionally numb to her, then why do you want her back so bad? This letter shows her you still are into her, and you said if it doesn't work you will try another approach. I think you are lying to yourself with the power trip, you need to forget her. BTW, how do you know she is not having luck with the dudes when you don't even speak to her? You talk about giving her attention then cutting it off, while I bet she is taking your attention now for an ego boost while getting whatever else she needs from other guys. You are making the transition much easier on her and reinforcing her belief that she made the right decision. I don't mean to be mean man, but this is just how I see it. You already sent this so nothing you can do about that, but I would definetly recommend not expecting anything positive back, and leaving it at that. I see her getting this and having tons of laughs with her girlfriends. Besides, even if she does end up taking you back it won't be the same. She will have all the control in the relationship and what happens the next time you piss her off? She will know that she can go on without you and have a good time well you are thinking of ways to simply win her back. Besides I think she broke up with you for a pretty crappy reason, so you should look for a better girl.
sedgwick Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 Stop stalking her! She's not reading anything you send her. She knows how you feel. She's not listening to your voice mails. Once someone threatens to get the police involved, that's a pretty good indication it's over. Stop!
liyah26 Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 omg u wat i dont think ur a stalker !!!! but u know wat i went through the same thing except when he ended things with me i right away gave up lol because he was wrong but i swear its been a month and im ****in dying i miss him....... this sucks it s like i wanna call him and tell him i miss him but i cant ...... so anyways i know wat ur going threw but hey just try something new and with someone who gives a **** u know wat i mean uuuu tried !!! peaceeeeee
XxBacktoBlackXx Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 If you want to fight ,lets have a tickle fight, I will even tie my right arm behind my back. I will make you laugh till you pee. Try hating me then. So I now challenge you to a match! [/Quote] :lmao: WTF!!! Are you serious??? Leave the girl alone!
sedona Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 I will hand you one thing monkey... A lot of people come on here looking for help before they do desperate stuff like this. Even more people come here looking to put the pieces back together after crazy stuff like this has torn their life apart. It is refreshing to see somebody actually come on here during the act of giving someone their last little bit of dignity. Well said dfreeman! Monkey, according to the title of your post, you were wondering whether she was done with you. She is. Leave her alone. Stop writing her. Stop waiting outside her house. Do not call her anymore. I'm sorry.
aln186 Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 Not worth the effort. Find a new one cause life goes on. Good luck.
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