themessenger Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 OK so we all no when a girl hits you you don't hit back. I'm finding that when a girl attacks you verbaly during an argument, firing back may be the same thing. Maybe its better to just let them vent and then cool off. If shes being nasty I would fire back even worse and all of a sudden wind up the bad guy. Sometimes its hard when they throw low blows. How do you guys handle these situations?
Woggle Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 I won't hit a woman because that will land you in prison but verbally I will rip her to shreds if she attacks first. Her tongue is no weaker than mine so there should be no double standard there.
blind_otter Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 OK so we all no when a girl hits you you don't hit back. I'm finding that when a girl attacks you verbaly during an argument, firing back may be the same thing. Maybe its better to just let them vent and then cool off. If shes being nasty I would fire back even worse and all of a sudden wind up the bad guy. Sometimes its hard when they throw low blows. How do you guys handle these situations? I just read your post to my SO. He said you're on the right track. The natural thing is to react with "**** you!" but the better tactic is to be extra nice and sweet and say "why are you hurting me?"
Author themessenger Posted March 24, 2008 Author Posted March 24, 2008 Woggle, do you gauge the things you say to her by what she has said to you? Or do you go for the meanest stuff possible and dominate? how has that worked out for you in relationships? blind otter, can your SO elaborate?
Woggle Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 Woggle, do you gauge the things you say to her by what she has said to you? Or do you go for the meanest stuff possible and dominate? how has that worked out for you in relationships? blind otter, can your SO elaborate? I give back what I get and if the relationship is over I will drop a bomb.
Author themessenger Posted March 24, 2008 Author Posted March 24, 2008 Blind Otter where does your SO find the strength to hold back? what is going threw his head when on the verge of saying **** you?! how does he control the impulse reaction? I hear you woggle. problem is at the time i may think i want the the relationship is over because of how she is acting. then i drop a bomb and regret it.
Crestfallen_KH Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 It's a maturity issue, on both sides. I was taught to yell and name call growing up. Well, I learned very quickly when I got married that a) that tactic wasn't successful b) I didn't feel good about myself when I did it and c) I don't want to hurt someone I proclaim to love. I still feel anger rising in me, but now when I get upset, I take a deep breath. If I remain calm, I find it calms the other person. If it doesn't, I say "I think it might be a good idea to talk about this at another time, after we've both cooled down so neither of us say something we'll regret." Often that will calm down the other person right away. If it doesn't, I just try not to engage and say things like "I'm sorry you feel that way" and let him vent away. Once he gets it all out, then often he'll calm down. If not, I follow through on my proclamation. No one deserves to be verbally assaulted.
directx Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 Hey, women fought long and hard for equality, don't take it from them. Only when it comes to the death penalty or divorce settlements do they want things unequal. Don't sell them short by going easy on them in the argument department. Verbally, let them know if they can dish it out, they have to take it. And physically? Believe me, I know many women younger than I and even older that can take me out of commission if need be. But all things being equal, yes, you let them hit you. Especially if they are hot because thats a turn on (for some people).
AussieJack Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 OK so we all no when a girl hits you you don't hit back. I'm finding that when a girl attacks you verbaly during an argument, firing back may be the same thing. Maybe its better to just let them vent and then cool off. If shes being nasty I would fire back even worse and all of a sudden wind up the bad guy. Sometimes its hard when they throw low blows. How do you guys handle these situations? TO the guys here -- I will answer this post assuming that the "girl " is your SO. Remember my first RULE of relationships? NO? OK, so you need to be reminded.. Rule #1 " At the first sign of significant disrespect from a woman, you walk away." A woman has NO business yelling at a man - it is disrespectful, so you refer to rule #1 and just walk away. You do not yell back at her or engage her in her hysterical rantings - you just turn away, get in your car and drive away.. This may sound counter-intuitive but it is the BEST tactic to deal with a woman on a rampage because it is also consistent with another two of my rules of relationships. But before I explain further I want to say this - YOU are a man.. THat means that YOU are the stable one. YOu need to assert your just leadership whenever the situation calls for you to be dominant and "in charge" .. Let me explain how my "rules" mesh in together, and this situation is a perfect expample. AJs Rule - "Your value to a woman and your attractiveness is based on the three C's " - 1. Confidence ( leadership and dominance) 2. Control ( In control of YOUR emotions) 3. Challenge ( Be a man of VALUE ) A woman who is attacking you is trying to engage you in HER world of emotional uproar. IT does not matter what the trigger was - she is trying to drag you into her emotional soup hoping to drown you and feel victorious. So we refer to our requirement to stay in "CONTROL ".Therefore we need to remain detached and not play into her trumped up dramatics. THis means NOT yelling back - not defending yourself and NOT counter attacking . YOu just walk away. Why is this the best response ? BEcause this goes to another of my rules which is really 'Behavior Management 101' AJs Rule - " Reward good behavior and punish undesirable behavior." OK - so now I need to digress a little. Question, " What is you most valuable gift to a woman" ? Give up ? Answer ," Your affection and your attention. " SO, if a woman is behaing badly by attacking you , you "teach" her that this is unacceptable to you by removing what she values most - your attention and affection, and you do it by walking away and leave her to yell at herself.. You then immendiately resume living your VALUABLE life without her and in so doing you have remained undamaged by her ranting, you have not been dragged into her emotional sewer, and you have sent her a powerful "message" that yelling at you is intolerable. You then remain detached unless and until SHE approaches you, full of regret and remorse . Then you MAY take her back IF she shows sufficient understanding that yelling is outside your rules. You also have the option NOT to take her back if you feel that this woman is not a good candidate to share your life. Your choice... Men, you are NOT going to read any of this in any relationship books at Barnes and Noble ..
Covonia Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 I've got quite a short fuse and I can explode with rage, to the point where I can come across as quite intimidating, I threaten, but I've never struck a woman because I know it's wrong and I am able to stop myself. I also calm down real quick as well and then wonder why I got so angry in the first place, I'm like this mainly with my sixteen year old sister more than anyone. I went on a date with a girl and knocked a drink on her dress, her being as common on donkey dung started getting up in my face, so naturally me trying to keep a level head, lost it and swore right in her face, I then walked off and booted a bin a few times. I have anger management issues of some kind, but the best thing to do and the more mature thing to do is just to walk away, calm down, re-group and try and disfuse the situation. I'm gonna start trying that for now on, just walk away, close a door, scream and come out.
Author themessenger Posted March 25, 2008 Author Posted March 25, 2008 (edited) aussie jack makes some realy interesting points. why is it that his stuff can't be found in barnes and nobles? Edited March 25, 2008 by themessenger
Pyro Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 OK so we all no when a girl hits you you don't hit back. I'm finding that when a girl attacks you verbaly during an argument, firing back may be the same thing. Maybe its better to just let them vent and then cool off. If shes being nasty I would fire back even worse and all of a sudden wind up the bad guy. Sometimes its hard when they throw low blows. How do you guys handle these situations? I am fortunate to not have not had to deal with that type of childish behavior in over 2 years. Hypothetically speaking, if my SO were to start verbally abusing me, then I would just walk away. Stooping to the level of verbal abuse is childish, immature, and shows lack of control and character, plus reacting will only keep the person going.
PrincessBOT Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 TO the guys here -- I will answer this post assuming that the "girl " is your SO. Remember my first RULE of relationships? NO? OK, so you need to be reminded.. Rule #1 " At the first sign of significant disrespect from a woman, you walk away." A woman has NO business yelling at a man - it is disrespectful, so you refer to rule #1 and just walk away. You do not yell back at her or engage her in her hysterical rantings - you just turn away, get in your car and drive away.. This may sound counter-intuitive but it is the BEST tactic to deal with a woman on a rampage because it is also consistent with another two of my rules of relationships. But before I explain further I want to say this - YOU are a man.. THat means that YOU are the stable one. YOu need to assert your just leadership whenever the situation calls for you to be dominant and "in charge" .. Let me explain how my "rules" mesh in together, and this situation is a perfect expample. AJs Rule - "Your value to a woman and your attractiveness is based on the three C's " - 1. Confidence ( leadership and dominance) 2. Control ( In control of YOUR emotions) 3. Challenge ( Be a man of VALUE ) A woman who is attacking you is trying to engage you in HER world of emotional uproar. IT does not matter what the trigger was - she is trying to drag you into her emotional soup hoping to drown you and feel victorious. So we refer to our requirement to stay in "CONTROL ".Therefore we need to remain detached and not play into her trumped up dramatics. THis means NOT yelling back - not defending yourself and NOT counter attacking . YOu just walk away. Why is this the best response ? BEcause this goes to another of my rules which is really 'Behavior Management 101' AJs Rule - " Reward good behavior and punish undesirable behavior." OK - so now I need to digress a little. Question, " What is you most valuable gift to a woman" ? Give up ? Answer ," Your affection and your attention. " SO, if a woman is behaing badly by attacking you , you "teach" her that this is unacceptable to you by removing what she values most - your attention and affection, and you do it by walking away and leave her to yell at herself.. You then immendiately resume living your VALUABLE life without her and in so doing you have remained undamaged by her ranting, you have not been dragged into her emotional sewer, and you have sent her a powerful "message" that yelling at you is intolerable. You then remain detached unless and until SHE approaches you, full of regret and remorse . Then you MAY take her back IF she shows sufficient understanding that yelling is outside your rules. You also have the option NOT to take her back if you feel that this woman is not a good candidate to share your life. Your choice... Men, you are NOT going to read any of this in any relationship books at Barnes and Noble .. Give me a break! The woman probably wouldn't be so enraged if the man showed some kind of human emotion and ability communicate. EMOTIONS ARE HUMAN! Why must men try to be less than human by not showing emotions and refusing to communicate.
AussieJack Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 Give me a break! The woman probably wouldn't be so enraged if the man showed some kind of human emotion and ability communicate. EMOTIONS ARE HUMAN! Why must men try to be less than human by not showing emotions and refusing to communicate. You misunderstand- because you are not thinking clearly. Emotions are human, gratnedabted by thw sublject of this thread was - I am not atnd
directx Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 "The first one to raise a fist is the first one to run out of ideas!" HG Wells, from the movie "Time After Time". And another thing that should be equal is women reporters should NOT be allowed into male locker rooms unless men reporters are allowed in female locker rooms. (I'd have a different occupation right now otherwise...)
AussieJack Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 Give me a break! The woman probably wouldn't be so enraged if the man showed some kind of human emotion and ability communicate. EMOTIONS ARE HUMAN! Why must men try to be less than human by not showing emotions and refusing to communicate. ZZZZZzzzzzzzzz.
Woggle Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 Going hysterical and screaming like a banshee does not equate to emotion.
AussieJack Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 (edited) Going hysterical and screaming like a banshee does not equate to emotion. Exactly ! A woman who is attacking you is out of control - she is not "expressing " emotions in a healthy or productive way - quite the opposite . The Princess appears to be intimating that a man should engage a woman who is attacking him, and in so doing, he is, in fact, tolerating her bad behavior by his willingness to react and stand still for this attack.. Apparently he is now communicating with her in a way that is somehow supposed to be good for their relationship, according to the Princess . IN fact,by doing so he is "rewarding " infantile behavior - because a rant from woman is an adult version of a squalling child. Any direct reaction to her anger by him will be felt by her as maintaining their "connection " and so she "gets"at him ,which is satisfying at some level. The way to stop this is for men to completely disconnect and withdraw any 'rewards' for her ranting. Edited March 25, 2008 by AussieJack
Woggle Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 The way to make a connection is by enjoying each other's company and laughing and joking and having a good time together. It's not giving a man the 3rd degree and expecting to just sit there and take it like a doormat.
PrincessBOT Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 TO the guys here -- A) A woman has NO business yelling at a man - it is disrespectful, so you refer to rule #1 and just walk away. You do not yell back at her or engage her in her hysterical rantings - you just turn away, get in your car and drive away.. B) YOU are a man.. THat means that YOU are the stable one. C) "Your value to a woman and your attractiveness is based on the three C's " - 1. Confidence ( leadership and dominance) 2. Control ( In control of YOUR emotions) 3. Challenge ( Be a man of VALUE ) D) A woman who is attacking you is trying to engage you in HER world of emotional uproar. IT does not matter what the trigger was - she is trying to drag you into her emotional soup hoping to drown you and feel victorious. E) So we refer to our requirement to stay in "CONTROL ".Therefore we need to remain detached and not play into her trumped up dramatics. THis means NOT yelling back - not defending yourself and NOT counter attacking . f) Question, " What is you most valuable gift to a woman" ? Give up ? Answer ," Your affection and your attention. " SO, if a woman is behaing badly by attacking you , you "teach" her that this is unacceptable to you by removing what she values most You then immendiately resume living your VALUABLE life without her and in so doing you have remained undamaged by her ranting, you have not been dragged into her emotional sewer, and you have sent her a powerful "message" that yelling at you is intolerable. You then remain detached unless and until SHE approaches you, full of regret and remorse . Then you MAY take her back IF she shows sufficient understanding that yelling is outside your rules. You also have the option NOT to take her back if you feel that this woman is not a good candidate to share your life. Your choice... Men, you are NOT going to read any of this in any relationship books at Barnes and Noble .. Yes Aussie Jack I went to sleep after I posted, but I am back and rested. A. It can just as disrespectful for a man to yell at a woman if it is unwarranted. However, whether a man is yelling at woman or vice versa as human beings we can become angered. Yelling may not be desirable or healthy in every situation, but it can definitely be understandable in some situation and seen as a human reaction. B. Are you implying that just because a person is male/man that he is THE stable one? I assume that is why so many women are abused by their STABLE men. Give me a choice and I will take an unstable ranting and verbally raging female over a STABLE face bashing man. I am in no way saying that because a person is male he is by default a STABLE face basher, but I aim to provide proof that discredits this notion that because a person is male that he the stable one in a relationship. C) What you wrote above is your male opinion on the value of a man to a woman. The female opinion of the value of a man to women is 1) His ability to love through the good and bad 2) Honesty 3) Ability to Communicate 4) Integrity 5) Religious and Family Values 6) The ability to provide for and function as a family Women DON'T want an over confident and controlling man that is always looking for a challenge. D) It is not the nature of a woman to attack that is the nature of a beast. What you are referring to as attack, verbally, is can be a release of built up frustration and desperate attempt to communicate with what seems like a brick wall... men who have the natural ability to emotionally shut down. Furthermore, it is just too general to say that a woman is trying to drag a man into her emotional soup. Please take the time to consider that she may be actually trying to effectively communicate and resolve an issue. Every issue can't be resolved in calm and it should not become test or the basis for being willing to resolve an issue. I don't agree with verbal attacks and I not saying that it is okay for women to yell and rant on regular basis, but you didn't state your scenario either so I assume you mean in general. So in general when I see a woman this way I think my goodness something must have seriously went wrong. FYI- we don't look to feel victorious because we don't look at everything as a challenge. E) Play into her trumped up dramatics. See this is just wrong every which way. If a woman is that upset why assume she wants you to "play" into something. Why see it as a game, why not see it as a situation that needs to be dealt with openly? Once you see it as trumped up dramatics you have already missed the opportunity to resolve the issue and perhaps grow from it. F) Please refer to part C to see the most valuable gifts to a woman from a man. Women are not children to be taught by rewarding good and punishing bad so to speak. Women are partners and it is more mature and effective to communicate to a partner that yelling doesn't solve anything. Yes, sometimes one person may have to leave and let things cool down, but no partner should look for another partner to come to them regretting and remorseful. Barnes and Nobles don't have relationship books with the stuff you wrote for a reason. It's the kind of mindset that ruins relationships. The Princess appears to be intimating that a man should engage a woman who is attacking him, and in so doing, he is, in fact, tolerating her bad behavior by his willingness to react and stand still for this attack.. Apparently he is now communicating with her in a way that is somehow supposed to be good for their relationship, according to the Princess . The way to stop this is for men to completely disconnect and withdraw any 'rewards' for her ranting. What exactly is the"attack". Verbal attack? If we have to assume that the attacks don't just start out of nowhere. So lets take a step back, two people had some kind of interaction, misunderstanding, disagreement etc about events that concerned one or the other or both. One person did something that the other person disagreed with or didn't understand or whatever. So, according to you that if a woman verbally expresses herself she is "attacking" the man. I disagree. If the man shuts down because natuarally he thinks in terms of challenge and control as you have stated, perhaps the man is shutting down on communicating through the situation that involved two people. So, no, a man should not engage an attack by a woman, IF it is actually an attack and neither should a woman. Turning something into an attack for the purpose of avoiding communication and attempting to control someone is not good for the relationship. Neither is this dog and bone "reward" mentality.
PrincessBOT Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 TO the guys here -- A) A woman has NO business yelling at a man - it is disrespectful, so you refer to rule #1 and just walk away. You do not yell back at her or engage her in her hysterical rantings - you just turn away, get in your car and drive away.. B) YOU are a man.. THat means that YOU are the stable one. C) "Your value to a woman and your attractiveness is based on the three C's " - 1. Confidence ( leadership and dominance) 2. Control ( In control of YOUR emotions) 3. Challenge ( Be a man of VALUE ) D) A woman who is attacking you is trying to engage you in HER world of emotional uproar. IT does not matter what the trigger was - she is trying to drag you into her emotional soup hoping to drown you and feel victorious. E) So we refer to our requirement to stay in "CONTROL ".Therefore we need to remain detached and not play into her trumped up dramatics. THis means NOT yelling back - not defending yourself and NOT counter attacking . f) Question, " What is you most valuable gift to a woman" ? Give up ? Answer ," Your affection and your attention. " SO, if a woman is behaing badly by attacking you , you "teach" her that this is unacceptable to you by removing what she values most You then immendiately resume living your VALUABLE life without her and in so doing you have remained undamaged by her ranting, you have not been dragged into her emotional sewer, and you have sent her a powerful "message" that yelling at you is intolerable. You then remain detached unless and until SHE approaches you, full of regret and remorse . Then you MAY take her back IF she shows sufficient understanding that yelling is outside your rules. You also have the option NOT to take her back if you feel that this woman is not a good candidate to share your life. Your choice... Men, you are NOT going to read any of this in any relationship books at Barnes and Noble .. Yes Aussie Jack I went to sleep after I posted, but I am back and rested. A. It can be just as disrespectful for a man to yell at a woman if it is unwarranted. However, whether a man is yelling at woman or vice versa as human beings we can become angered. Yelling may not be desirable or healthy in every situation, but it can definitely be understandable in some situation and seen as a human reaction. B. Are you implying that just because a person is male/man that he is THE stable one? I assume that is why so many women are abused by their STABLE men. Give me a choice and I will take an unstable ranting and verbally raging female over a STABLE face bashing man. I am in no way saying that because a person is male he is by default a STABLE face basher, but I aim to provide proof that discredits this notion that because a person is male that he the stable one in a relationship. C) What you wrote above is your male opinion on the value of a man to a woman. The female opinion of the value of a man to women is 1) His ability to love through the good and bad 2) Honesty 3) Ability to Communicate 4) Integrity 5) Religious and Family Values 6) The ability to provide for and function as a family Women DON'T want an over confident and controlling man that is always looking for a challenge. D) It is not the nature of a woman to attack that is the nature of a beast. What you are referring to as attack, verbally, is can be a release of built up frustration and desperate attempt to communicate with what seems like a brick wall... men who have the natural ability to emotionally shut down. Furthermore, it is just too general to say that a woman is trying to drag a man into her emotional soup. Please take the time to consider that she may be actually trying to effectively communicate and resolve an issue. Every issue can't be resolved in calm and it should not become test or the basis for being willing to resolve an issue. I don't agree with verbal attacks and I not saying that it is okay for women to yell and rant on regular basis, but you didn't state your scenario either so I assume you mean in general. So in general when I see a woman this way I think my goodness something must have seriously went wrong. FYI- we don't look to feel victorious because we don't look at everything as a challenge. E) Play into her trumped up dramatics. See this is just wrong every which way. If a woman is that upset why assume she wants you to "play" into something. Why see it as a game, why not see it as a situation that needs to be dealt with openly? Once you see it as trumped up dramatics you have already missed the opportunity to resolve the issue and perhaps grow from it. F) Please refer to part C to see the most valuable gifts to a woman from a man. Women are not children to be taught by rewarding good and punishing bad so to speak. Women are partners and it is more mature and effective to communicate to a partner that yelling doesn't solve anything. Yes, sometimes one person may have to leave and let things cool down, but no partner should look for another partner to come to them regretting and remorseful. Barnes and Nobles don't have relationship books with the stuff you wrote for a reason. It's the kind of mindset that ruins relationships. The Princess appears to be intimating that a man should engage a woman who is attacking him, and in so doing, he is, in fact, tolerating her bad behavior by his willingness to react and stand still for this attack.. Apparently he is now communicating with her in a way that is somehow supposed to be good for their relationship, according to the Princess . The way to stop this is for men to completely disconnect and withdraw any 'rewards' for her ranting. What exactly is the"attack". Verbal attack? If we have to assume that the attacks don't just start out of nowhere. So lets take a step back, two people had some kind of interaction, misunderstanding, disagreement etc about events that concerned one or the other or both. One person did something that the other person disagreed with or didn't understand or whatever. So, according to you that if a woman verbally expresses herself she is "attacking" the man. I disagree. If the man shuts down because natuarally he thinks in terms of challenge and control as you have stated, perhaps the man is shutting down on communicating through the situation that involved two people. So, no, a man should not engage an attack by a woman, IF it is actually an attack and neither should a woman. Turning something into an attack for the purpose of avoiding communication and attempting to control someone is not good for the relationship. Neither is this dog and bone "reward" mentality. For all the men who want the fastest way to lose the love and emotions of a woman AussieJacks assumption of an attack then disengage, retreat, and think in terms of a no reward method. Refuse to acknowlege that your women is upset and in pain, do that often and you will surely lose her forever.
AussieJack Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 Women are not children to be taught by rewarding good and punishing bad so to speak. Yes, they are children in adult bodies when they are ranting. Punishment is then called for. You and I disagree on all points - we have no common ground . I am happy with that situation ..Lets leave it that way..
PRSun Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 Save your strength. Usually when people are angry they lose their minds temporarily so just sit there and kinda ohm out. When my last girlfriend use to yell at me, I use to think about lakers games, and when she got tired I'd say "You get so cute when you're angry" and hug her and stuff. Eventually she starts smiling and everything works out. Note:This works conciderably less depending on the degree of the argument. If you're a drug dealer or something and you're getting raided by the DEA, then no amount of hugging will help and she won't get tired.
AussieJack Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 For all the men who want the fastest way to lose the love and emotions of a woman AussieJacks assumption of an attack then disengage, retreat, and think in terms of a no reward method. Refuse to acknowlege that your women is upset and in pain, do that often and you will surely lose her forever. This is excellent Princess . I strongly suggest that you guys read her last sentence - it is true ..I agree totally. IF any of you guys are in a relationship with a women who rants, then the The Princess is giving you great advice. SHe is telling you how to remove this kind women permanently from your life and "lose her forever ". Props to you , Princess .
PrincessBOT Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 This is excellent Princess . I strongly suggest that you guys read her last sentence - it is true ..I agree totally. IF any of you guys are in a relationship with a women who rants, then the The Princess is giving you great advice. SHe is telling you how to remove this kind women permanently from your life and "lose her forever ". Props to you , Princess . Guys take note as to the part you may have played in the reason for any ranting.Then weigh your willingness to lose your women against your willingness to communicate and address the issue not the rant that resulted. But if you have a woman that just jumps up and starts ranting for no apparent reason than take AussieJack's advice and use my advice to lose her. After all, only crazy people start ranting for no reason.
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