Precious K Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 I feel as I need to let my feelings out before I drive myself crazy. It scares me to feel that I will end up getting depressed. So far I am blocking feelings and thoughts about my previous relationship, a relationship that was building and friendship that would have lead to the other stage. Let me explain- My Ex! We were together on and off for 5yrs, and things happen to where I ended it. I had to. But something I didn't do was go on NC. I kept him as my friend/kinda not really bf. We talked and acted as we were together. I do love this guy, I always will. As much crap he put me through I will always have feelings for him. Somewhere in this site is my story about him. Well finally everything actually ended yesterday! I know im hurt, I cant seem to bring myself to cry or feel that pain everyone goes through when they leave the person they love. Im scared that some day I will break down in tears, or that I will never let him go. In the back of my mind I have this thought of "maybe some day we will be together". I dont want that though, he cheated on me and hurt me like no one has. And I also did my part in hurting him back, our relationship was never healthy but we did love each other. After all of this I still stuck by him, maybe I just didn't feel I was worth enough or respected myself to leave. Second guy! He was cool, I just dont know where we are. But I want to let this one go as well. I know we can lead to a full blown relationship and deep down I dont want one. Im not ready for one and maybe I will never be ready to be in one. He's a great guy and a blast to be around but I just want to hide half the time. I think I have a... wait I like him, that's a given! My dude friend! We were trying to see what was up with us, and somehow I really wanted to be with him. We just had a major fall out and I dont know where we are anymore. I briefly talk! I just dont know what is wrong with me. In order for me to not think about my ex I get other guys attention. I like it but I dont want anything serious with anyone else but the 3rd guy. I miss this guy and I dont know why! Basically, I need help!! Lots of it! I need to know why do I need other guys attention, why cant I just cope like everyone else? Why am I so scared to feel pain and loss of my relationship? Why do I need reassurance of other guys? Its NC day 1 with my ex! And Im sad!
Recommended Posts