Bummed&Hurt Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 I have been posting in the separation and divorce forum since December and have been quiet for a while. Things have changed in my life and decided I might try some help over here now. My wife of 20 years had an affair with someone who I considered my best friend. She and him had a physical affair for around 8 months, at least that's what I can deduce from her. The scumbag promised her the world and she threw our marriage and our five children into turmoil over it. At the end of last year, the affair became public and the other man's true personality came shining through and exposed him for the person he truly is. A self serving narcissist who only looked at my wife as a piece of ass. When things broke down she became a basket case. She had moved into her own place a few months before this and I really was worried about her well being. I helped her get her feet back under her and now she says that she has come out of a "fog" she was in wants her family and life back. I also want things to work out, but I was hoping someone out there might have been through something similar. I obviously still have issues with my wife and mother of my children putting our marriage in jeopardy, but I love her and want us to have a healthy relationship. Does anyone have a similar situation regarding?
Ronni_W Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 Even though your situation might look the same as someone else's, your feelings are unique. And what you ultimately choose will also be based on your unique needs, strengths and desires. It sounds as if you might still have some hostility to overcome, as well as to look objectively at the WHOLE picture of what, why and how she felt compelled to do what she did. From her perspective, it likely wasn't a crystalized thought that she might be putting her marriage in jeopardy or a conscious intention to do so. More likely, she was working from a place of feeling...something that wasn't that great on her self-confidence and self-esteem! Without judgment or accusation, help her uncover what it was, so that you can do your part to ensure that you both feel completely appreciated, loved, respected, safe, cherished, content, accepted, nurtured, happy, etc., etc. If you take the stance of just blaming her and being the victim yourself, then it doesn't really bode well that you can ever come to a place of fully accepting what is the past, forgiving, and moving forward together. Individual counseling followed by couples' may serve you both very well. Best of luck.
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