notgoodatthis Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 Hello, Please help with my situation. I would like to see what others think. We all have pondered the same "should I forgive a cheater" questions over and over again. Mine is unique. In short, I was dating a girl who was on the rebound and I was absolutely crazy about her. We got along so well and her family loved me and still asks about me. We were only dating for a couple of months but were inseparable for that time. Anyway, she cheated on me and broke it off immediately for whatever reason. We are neighbors so we cross paths all the time. She has repented for what she did and I think she has changed. She realized how much she loves me and I still love her. We still get googly-eyed when we see each other. I think it is true love, she just made a bad mistake. That was November, this is March and she still wants me back. There is just one thing that is keeping me from giving her a second chance and that is the fact that she got HERPES from cheating on me. I have been struggling with this since I learned about it 2 months ago. We try to move on but we somehow run into each other and the feelings come back. I just don't know what to do. What would you do? By the way, I'm 38 and she is 30. Thank you so much!
Owl Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 Since you're asking what others 'think'... I'd say that if she cheated while you're still just dating (which is when things should be great, and is a trial run for marriage), you're running a major risk if you marry her. The odds of her cheating again on you at some point later down the road are MUCH higher than if you were with someone who hadn't cheated prior to marriage. Add to that the whole herpes thing... I'd tell you to consider the relationship ended.
Starla Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 you could maybe take it slow...just date, casually. no sex, but maybe dinner, a walk, a coffee, a drive somewhere. really talk things through but also take it slowly. you said you spent all your time together last time, well perhaps this time you could move it forward at a much slower pace, giving yourselves room and time on your own. if it is true love as you think, you can recover from what happened, as long as you take it slow and both of you know where you stand!! and what happened with the sti is devastating, but it doesn't have to ruin lives.
norajane Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 If herpes is your primary concern and not the cheating, read through this recent thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t147743/?highlight=herpes and this one also has good information: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t139521/?highlight=herpes You can do a search here on herpes and find many more threads. You should also google it and get educated so you know what you'd be dealing with. There are many good medical sites that will give you all kinds of information.
MarriedLife Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 My friend, Please don't settle! I know you think she's "the one", but the ball is really in your court. Use this opportunity to keep things surface level simple with her and date others to see where your options lead. I commend you for trying to see beyond her STD but she f'up. Stay clean healthy and free to make solid choices going forward! Good luck!
Bryanp Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 If the roles were reversed and you cheated on her and picked up an STD; do you honestly think she would want to be with you?
mark982 Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 i wouldn't have anything to do with her! what's she gonna bring you next---aids?
Cobra_X30 Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 I think it is true love, she just made a bad mistake. That was November, this is March and she still wants me back. There is just one thing that is keeping me from giving her a second chance and that is the fact that she got HERPES from cheating on me. I have been struggling with this since I learned about it 2 months ago. We try to move on but we somehow run into each other and the feelings come back. I just don't know what to do. What would you do? By the way, I'm 38 and she is 30. Thank you so much! Ah... True Love? If she was 20 I'd say maybe forgive. However... this chick is 30 friggin years old. This ain't her first rodeo! If she has not learned by now not to cheat... what's going to change? Is she suddenly going to realize what a fantastic, wonderful, amazing, perfect guy you are? Don't kid yourself. Seriously... find someone with integrity... who isn't packing STD's.
LakesideDream Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 Sorry, I think she has disqualified herself. She "cheated" while dating. That should be enough. If you two had agreed to be exclusive, there is no excuse for her behavior, just a glaring example of huberus. As for the Herpies. That's a big problem too. Personally I don't want to wake up every morning and examine myself for scabs and rashes. She could give you a gift that will keep on giving for the rest of your life. Me thinks shes a loser.
Lizzie60 Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 I would never ever dated someone who has herpes.. I wouldn't take her back.. if I were you...
Lookingforward Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 (edited) Not only did she cheat on you but wasn't even smart enough to protect herself from STDs, and she's old enough to know better. Apparently she was so swept up in the moment she didn't think of it (or you for that matter)? As others have posted, if she cheated on you while dating, she's likely to cheat on you later as well, and who knows what little "gift" she'll bring back next time? Consider yourself lucky to have dodged a bullet on this one is my opinion Edited March 25, 2008 by Lookingforward typo
michelangelo Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 We were engaged and that didn't stop her. Hell, i didn';t get to find that out until years later when she admitted to cheating at that time and tossed in the earlier one when I sarcastically asked her if there were any others i needed to know about. Shocked, I was to say the least. Consider yourself warned. a woman who will cheat on her exclusive boyfriend/fiancee will have no problem cheating on her husband. And yes, she gave me STDs. IMHO, you should move on and be thankful you acquired one of the relatively harmless if annoying STDs.
Author notgoodatthis Posted March 26, 2008 Author Posted March 26, 2008 We were engaged and that didn't stop her. Hell, i didn';t get to find that out until years later when she admitted to cheating at that time and tossed in the earlier one when I sarcastically asked her if there were any others i needed to know about. Shocked, I was to say the least. Consider yourself warned. a woman who will cheat on her exclusive boyfriend/fiancee will have no problem cheating on her husband. And yes, she gave me STDs. IMHO, you should move on and be thankful you acquired one of the relatively harmless if annoying STDs. I appreciate the response and you are so right. By the way, she didnt give it to me. Luckily, we never ****ed again.
jmargel Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 You really need to take the STDs out of the picture. She was upfront about it and it was not like she gave you it, without your knowledge. I'm sure she didn't want that STD and it just happened it was a result of being with this guy. The only thing you need to take into consideration is her cheating. I think once you find out 'why' she cheated then you can either move on with or without her. This is a question you need to ask her. 'I don't know' is not an answer. I am sure she would be willing to give you this information, since she told you about her STDs. That is something very hard for a person to tell another. She could have easily kept it from you. If you decide to go back with her, with her STDs, make sure she's on valtrex everyday. Though if you have unprotected sex, you will eventually get it. However it's probably the best of the STDs if you have to have one. From reading on it, it's more like an annoyance than anything and sometimes people go years without an outbreak which only last for a few days.
BladeSteel Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 I appreciate the response and you are so right. By the way, she didnt give it to me. Luckily, we never ****ed again. You are lucky, please stay luck too...never **** her again. In fact, don't have anything to do with her. Your time and attention should be focused on people that deserve it. Anybody that cheats has very little respect for themselves and the person they are with. By giving her another chance, you will only be lower yourself down to her level. When it comes to women, disregard anything they say, but pay very close to their actions. What they DO will tell you everything. Respect yourself, take this one on the chin, and stand tall. There are plenty of good women out there to focus on!
lexuswht Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 I would not take her back. Not only did she cheat but she was unsafe about it. Way not cool. You can do better and should seek to do so
Habibti Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 She has herpes and you display some sense of vulnerability that she has detected she can use for her benefit. I'm willing to bet high that if she were clean the interest wouldn't be there, she's damaged goods now and she gravitates you because she's thinking you're the only one going to put up with her BS and love bumps.
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