Did I push him away... for good?

[rynj]

I know I did, but I would like some advice.

 

I dated this guy for 3 months (2 months after a 2 year relationship with my first love) and it was great, he was nice to me. The whole time I would think about my ex and tell him that I am not completely over my ex. He asked me out after 3 months of dating and I said yes. I thought I felt ok to start the relationship. He asked me out when we went to knot's theme park, I was the one that surprised him in going and rented a hotel for two nights. The next day, 1 day of being official, we went to the theme park he didn’t know that knots had a lot of ROLLER COASTERS and started to complain. “I hate roller coasters”…. I told him he will be fine and enjoy it. During the first ride he began to complain again “There are so many people waiting in line UG!,” then after the ride he had the most disgusting look on his face “that was horrible, I hated it” Then we go on our next ride and he tells me “I don’t want to go on it you just go by yourself” (I was angry because he kept complaining and I planned this whole trip for us to enjoy TOGETHER and I had no energy to keep going so I said LETS GO BACK TO THE HOTEL.” I had no will to go on with the day, it was ruined, we got a bite to eat at Panda Express and there was a little boy who kept saying “mommy mommy mommy look look” and he tells me “that little boy is so annoying” (complaining again… IT’S A LITTLE BOY not more tan 4 years old.) When we got to the hotel I told him lets go and I don’t think I am ready to be with you officially). We still dated afterward, I liked him but I just wouldn’t help it, even before he made remarks for instance he told me “woman will never be as intelligent as men because they are just not built to be” and I told him that I was really into this drama that I was watching and he comes over and tells me “this is the stupidest show I have ever seen.”

 

Even with saying that a month later I felt like I was ready to be in a committed relationship with him again (I felt I was completely over my ex and that he was a great guy and I should give him a chance), during this time we were still seeing each other kissing, hugging, etc. I tell him that I would like to be more than friends and he tells me that he only considers me as a friend now. When I broke up with him during the theme park weekend he told me “well in the future I might be different, but will you fight for me… I said yes. So I continued to fight for him all week, I woke up early in the morning to surprise him ( I am a night person, woke up at 5AM,) to go to the gym (when he saw me he said OK I give up I’ll date you again but im not ready for a relationship, I was fine with that), the next day I wrote him a love letter and I told him how much I cared about him and what a great guy he was and WHEN HE’S ready I will be honored for us to be official. That night I saw him and he tells me “tomorrow my cousin is out of town, you should come over around 12 APPARENTLY HE SAID AM, but I thought it was PM” so the next day IN THE MORNING BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT WAS 12 PM HE WANTED ME OVER, I woke up at 8 and made pasta and oatmeal cookies. I went to his house texted him and asked “hey where are you” he replies with “I am at work” so I asked “Are you on your way back” he goes “Im at work… WORKING”. So I was mad I thought he forgot he told me to come over at 12 and I made lunch for him. Later he texted me and said 'I TOLD YOU 12 AM, (12 am WTF lol, but I said sorry) but that night I waited for us to hang out and he didn’t... I texted him and asked “where are you” “im at a friends” I was hurt I thought we were going to spend time together. So since he blew me off, I went clubbing but I was thinking about him the whole night. When I returned home, it was around 5 AM, I went to his house unannounced and knocked on his window. He let me in and we laid down on his bed, we started to cuddle and then he began to kiss me, eventually it lead to sex. The next morning he was being sweet again telling me “if I paid you 1 dollar every single day to wake up to such a beautiful person, I would be broke,” he started to kiss me and tackle me. That night I asked him to get dinner and he goes “I cant” I asked why, “I am getting dinner with my friends” “can I come” “no you cant”. He was screening my calls all night. So around 4 AM I went to his house again like the day before and HE WAS FURIOUS… “GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!, GO GO AWAY!, LEAVE ME ALONE! GO GO GO”… I have never seen him like that ever. I said sorry for just going unannounced, but the way he was the night before lead me to believe he would act the same. I called him a couple hours later to apologize and he did not pick up, but he lated called me. I told him how sorry I was for just going over I just thought it was fine since I did it the night before. He said “Apology accepted, but I cant date you, you’re not in my future” I asked him when he made that decision he said “at 4am last night.” I was hurt, but he already told me before that he just wanted to be friends, but the way he was acting the night before lead me to believe we were ok because he touching me, telling me how beautiful I was, and kissing me.

 

Now I am here sad, extremely sad, but I can’t do anything about it. I had no intention going to his house but to just see him. I feel like such a bad person, I didn’t think by TRYING HARD TO SHOW HIM I CARED; in reality I pushed him away. I know I should not have gone at 4 AM in the morning, but I did it the day before and he was more than fine. I am just giving him space now and maybe permanently, he did now seem like he wanted to see me again. I am not sure if he was just angry for now and will change later that I don’t know. But I do know is that I have to give me space, I have tried too hard and lead to pushing him away.

 

Any advice would be great, I would just like to know if what I was doing to show I cared was wrong. I never meant to hurt him let alone push him away. I had good intentions.

Edited March 24, 2008 by rynj

[Kiss Dont Miss]

Rynj, I can hardly find something wrong YOU did. Why did you push him away? From your post it looks like HE pushed you away. Something must be happening in his life, a girl he likes, or something like that.

 

If he wanted you to be together, he would have never acted like that!

 

Forget about that guy, for him your relation is over. Take your time, try not to think about him, and some day it will over for you, too.

 

Be patient and reasonable. Don't call, text him, or visit his place. Forget about him.

[dreamergrl]

You couldn't push that relationship in any direction - because he had emotional control over you the whole time. He treated you like crap, but was nice when he wanted something or you on his terms. Move on, he's not even close to worth worrying about. Next time he tries to talk to you IGNORE HIM!

[NotMyselfNEmore]

Ok, so you were a bit of a challenge for him at the beginning and once you became "available", you made yourself TOO available for him. The challenge was over! Everytime he wanted to see you, you jumped and did it! He learned very quickly that he could project his insecurities on you. Every time he said jump, you did.

 

You didn't push him away!!! I walked away from an inconclusive end of a relationship thinking the same exact thing. It wasn't until I really thought about it, honestly thought about it that I realized that I never did anything wrong other than being too available. The rest was completely HIS fault. He had the problem, he had the insecurities and he was the one who took me for granted.

 

I see you did the same thing. And you will have a tendency to feel guilty for "pushing him away" because he made you feel that way. DO NOT ALLOW HIM TO MAKE YOU FEEL GUILTY FOR ANYTHING YOU DIDN'T DO!!!!

 

Honestly, he will NOT change. Don't talk yourself into it. He won't change! If he ever apologizes for it, fine but do not let him crawl right back in. Keep him at arm's length. If he proves to behave on a friendship level again, then you might consider trying again but TAKE IT SLOW! He's a bit slippery.... be careful.

[Siphon9a]

Sweetie,

 

Just let that whole situation go. Take it from a guy's perspective that's actually looking for something real. You just wait and be cautious about who you meet and date. There are more crazies out there than you would care to know. Find a man, not a kid and do those things for him and you'll have him wrapped around your little finger. Trust me! I know!!!