Prosecco Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 (edited) One of the issues that has been bugging me about my breakup is how my ex could not believe, even with hindsight, that I love him - and how me telling him so could be such a shock... For a while - I wondered if I was some kinda freak - who loves without any sign. But the more I think, and the fact that even his friends accepted the truth of it with ease... makes me think that - I was/am loving someone who wasn't him - as in a completely different person. This might sound odd - but my logic is: The person I love wasn't in love with me - but was caring and affectionate, willing to talk about issues I have with expressing certain things. He wanted to help me get rid of a few emotional barriers. Seemed to want to be close. Incredibly caring, supportive - with issues with my parents, work etc. Spoke every day, went out together often, stayed at his at least once a week. I knew he didn't love me, but I knew he cared a lot, and appreciated my company. I was the first person he trusted enough to get close to since his ex. But I can't equate that with someone who seems utterly blind to being loved. I also can't equate it with someone who says I've been in his mind a lot over the past few weeks, but otherwise is totally and utterly over me. (We had a break in non-contact - initiated by him, but I was weak. I will write about that later, as it was the first time I ended up... angry.) So - I don't know if this will make it harder to become friends, or easier. I've just realised - that despite all we talked about, all the things I shared - if he can't believe, even now, that I love him - then he has no idea who I am. And if I can't equate him with who I previously knew him to be... I have no idea who he is. So - it will almost be like getting to know a complete stranger. Bits will be familiar - but once you know your view of someone is so fundamentally wrong... You have to reassess everything. It'll take time - but this wasn't a stage I expected. I'm still heartbroken, still devastated. The man I thought him to be, even while knowing he wasn't in love, is still the best man for me - I can't imagine anyone ever coming close. But somehow - he did all the actions, said all the words - but... can't be that man. So - anyone else had this realisation? Is it just another stage you go through and get past? Does it make future friendship harder or easier? On a completely unrelated note - I'm glad I haven't been going psycho or bitching about him to anyone but one mutual friend who pretty much agrees with me 100% - as I spent a lovely afternoon with friends of his - whom I'd thought I was going to have to lose as a result of the breakup. Admittedly - they're still HIS best friends - but... it was good to know they could be comfy with me. Edited March 24, 2008 by Prosecco
sedona Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 My guy told me that it won't take long for me to get over him. He said that he's had to get over worse things with other relationships. In other words, he has no idea about what I felt (feel) about him. No other break-up has left me as devastated as this one. He can just brush it and my feelings aside.
Author Prosecco Posted March 24, 2008 Author Posted March 24, 2008 But is it weird for that kind of treatment to make me think that I love a mythical beast? And that for some reason... it makes me care less about him? Maybe it's just a today thing - it's been an interesting path, and it's only been a few weeks.
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