Sand&Water Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 Scaring me. I'm freaking out. What happened? I thought I was in BlissLand. The dynamic of this situation changed within a blink of an eye, and with it brought about a whole new world. Everything with this new man had been going wonderfully and beautifully, until about half a dozen weeks ago, when the shyte hit the fan! I have kept things between him and I, very light and minimal -and platonic. Why? Due to several bold and important reasons. But, having put those aside, one of the main reasons is because he does not want children. I will come back to the issue of children, shortly thereafter I finish with this second issue. Marriage. Yes. That one word, that should be discussed after a long period of togetherness. But not in this case. He's been mentioning that he and I should get married. Notice he uses the word should, and I don't know why. Every time he comes up with something new to prove that we should get married -telling me whenever we share a great time together: "just marry me", "you know that's the only way, just marry me". I have attempted many times to change the subject, with much success, or laugh it off, but he always seems to come back talking about it. Remember how he told me he does not want children? Well. That's no longer valid. He'd be willing to have children with me, his words not mine, and he's mentioned this 2 times before. It seems he would have a child with me, and only me, but no one else. How? Why? My mind is spinning. Beyond spinning. I honestly don't know what's going through his head. .....and he's said the "L" word before. Not once, but a handful of times. I have soooo many questions to ask but this is what I want to know: (1) WTF IS HE THINKING????? (2) He says he doesn't want to get into a relationship with a woman, because it will "ruin his career and future". Yes. That's what he told me. Then, WTF is he doing staying with me???? I don't know what to do. Walk away? Continue to just go along with it? OR What? PS: Pardon me for my profane language above. I'm mad and confused. Sand&Water
Kiss Dont Miss Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 Hi Sand and Water! I think your BF has something on his mind. Can it be that his words about children can be due to your platonic relations and his wanting more? You know, it is difficult to say how you feel about that guy. Do you care about him so much to get married and have children? And what are his feelings to you? I don't mean his words solely, but his doings mainly. If you love each other and want to be together, try and talk over the marriage thing with him. Who knows, he can understand. Wish you happy time! KissdontMiss
AussieJack Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 (edited) Everything with this new man had been going wonderfully and beautifully, until about half a dozen weeks ago, when the shyte hit the fan! I don't know what to do. Walk away? Continue to just go along with it? OR What? So, let me get this straight - You are seeing a new man and you and he have not "bleeped" yet ? HE talks marriage with you but said that he did not want children but has now changed his mind and is willing to be the father of your children ? Also he said that a women would not be good for his career but continues to date you (with no "bleeping" !!). And you kept things "platonic ,for bold and important reasons" .. What does THAT mean? So YOU are confused ? How do you think I feel ? I have no clue what to say to you. Your story is just weird ( bizarre is a better word). Perhaps you might post about another area of your life which needs assistance.. Pets, furniture, kitchen appliances, income tax advice even your golf handicap. I'm here to help ... I am AussieJack - the Thunder from Down Under. Edited March 24, 2008 by AussieJack
shanny Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 Ok... so he started off by saying that he does not want children, now he is willing to. My guess is that he really doesn't want children but is willing to have them with you because he is crazy in love or infatuated. That is NOT the reason why you want to have a baby with someone. If you do have one together, all may be good and dandy, but what if after the fact he realizes that kids are not the path he wanted to take? It could drive a huge wedge between you two and you could be a single mom. I personally do not want kids. I know it. I almost gave in once based on infatuation. I am so glad I didn't. I would have been miserable. Just make sure that he is 100% sure. Good luck!
dreamergrl Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 I'm wondering (sorry if I missed it) how long you have been together? I think some people don't realize they want something (example kids) until they have met someone they want those things with.
mortensorchid Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 I went out with someone recently who did nothing but sit there and tell me what all my bad points were and what I needed to improve on. It was offensive, but I realized that he did this because he was unsure of himself rather than not being sure of who I was. I decided since I already have a father and a shrink, I didn't need him. And you don't need this dummy putting you down for the things you should and shouldn't do.
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