Really need ....

[jet24]

I'm sorry for the long post.

 

I'm posting on this site, basically to find some answers. From a few of the posts I've read, it seems like many people have the same problems that I have had, which is comforting.

 

Basically......I just can't move on/let go/anything you want to call it. All the advice I've been given, was to just focus on other things, meet a new girl/girlfriend, and most importantly avoid her.

 

I had known my ex gf (before we were together) for a few months, and we really clicked, and go along great. One night, she hinted about something that is worrying her. So I told her she could talk to me, if she ever needed to. It wasn't for a few more days, that she came forward, and told me about how she was really sick. I was a little confused at what she meant. She said that she had these infections on her legs, and it hurt to walk, and she had to lay in bed all time. I asked her why she didn't go to the doctor....and thats when it got worse... She told me that a few months before, she had gone to this guys house whom she knew, and while she was there he started talking about sex. And then he started to try and goad her into it. The way she described the story, it seemed like he forced her to sexual things. So she believed she got the infection from that. And because of that, she was too afraid or embarrassed to go to the doctor, because she was afraid of what her parents would think, or what they would do. She made me promise not to tell anyone, for that reason.

 

I felt really bad for her, and I wanted to help her. I really started to worry about her. All the while we got closer and closer. She said she would just sit in her bathroom and cry.....I remember seeing blood on her pants one time when we were out. So I suggested going to the free clinic for help. But she would say, "what if i don't want to go?". I figured she was scared, as anyone would be. It was really hard to find a time to go, since the clinics were only open on certain days, and she had school. By this time I had told her how I felt about her, and she felt the same way, and the relationship had started.

 

No matter what I suggested, something always stood in the way of getting her to go. Especially because she believed the doctor would tell her parents. I was really stressed out already, and things only got worse. One day she said we needed to talk. She told me, that she wanted to break up. I was really confused why. That night I didn't feel anything, but the next day I was really upset.

 

We attended the same martial arts class, so I saw her there the very next day, and to say the least it wasn't fun. Even though I was upset, I wanted to talk to her, and I was especially worried about her condition. I would call, but she wouldn't pick up. And if i text messaged, then she would ignore me, or start cursing at me. The fighting got worse and worse. One day at a end of the year party, I sat down and talked to her, and told her I wanted to be her friend...basically trying to reconcile anything that was left. And for the time being, things seemed ok. She wanted time apart, before we started talking again. Maybe I should have waited, but all I could think of is that she is getting sicker. So after a week or so, I tried to contact her again. But things only got much much worse. Fighting was really bad. and one night during a fight she told me she didn't give **** how I felt about her. So I got really pissed off and told her I hated her, and loved her at the same time. and I was just going to tell someone about her being sick. So she said if I told anyone, she was just going to off herself.

 

After that my heart sank. I felt horrible. Our arguments calmed for a while, but eventually our communication totally stopped. She wouldn't look at me, let alone listen to me. By this time I was really depressed, and my grades were going down the drain. Weeks went by, and I attempted to get her to the doctor one more time, but all she said was there was nothing she could do, and she was screwed. I felt like the only way to help her, would be to tell someone else. Her dad was a doctor, so it seemed the best way. I got advice from her sister and my friend about how he would react, and I found out he would understand and help out. So we went ahead and told him. After some discussing, and what I explained to him about the symptoms, he said he would try and get her to the doctor, without revealing that he knew.

 

I was relieved, but it only lasted a short while. A few days later, she confronted me asking who I told. So I denied it, remembering her threat to hurt/kill herself. Apparently she figured out her dad knew, by the medicine he made her take, even though he said it was for a cold. So I came clean, and tried to explain to her why I told him. But she didn't pay any attention. She just kept calling me a liar, and saying I broke her trust. Then she said if I cared, I would have taken her to the clinic. She then went on to say how she is friends with the guy who supposedly gave it to her in the first place, I think just to hurt me more. Finishing it off, saying I ruined her life.

 

For the next few days, I was at the lowest I have ever been. I didn't eat. I slept most of the day. I couldn't take it anymore. I kept thinking about what she said. I cared about this girl so much....I didn't understand how she could say those things to me. I didn't want to live anymore.

 

So I wrote letters to my close friends, and to her saying goodbye. It was the middle of the night, and my phone was ringing. My friends were calling me, her sister, her. I just left all my stuff in the apartment, and started walking.

 

I was so upset that night, I can't describe how much I just wanted it to end. I just walked, thinking about everyone, deciding how to go. After a few hours, I sat down and started crying. It was then that the police showed up. One of the officers sat down and talked to me for a long time, just about different things. She asked if I wanted some help, so I said yes. I ended up spending the next three days in the hospital, just laying in bed. When I got out, I tried to act happy, but it didn't seem any better.

 

I found out later everyone came looking for me, and searching the campus. She couldn't stop crying.

 

I was stuck in depression for a long time after. I couldn't take seeing her at practice. Everyday I would wake up, feeling like I hadn't slept the whole night. After a few months I decided it was best to go somewhere else for a while. So I lived with my dad for almost a year, and took time off of school. I tried once to get some closure, but she blew me off, giving me a short answer.

 

So, now I'm here. I'm back at school, and practice. she doesn't come anymore. Although I see her dad almost every week.

 

I can't get over what happened. I have these incredibly mixed feelings for her. I used to have so much disgust and scorn for her, but it was eating me away inside. So I tried to forgive her as best I could.

 

Its been 2 years since all of that happened. I've tried all of the things one can do to get over someone, but it hasn't worked for me. New girls, new hobby, avoiding, everything.

 

I'm so confused why I still think about her. Or have feelings for her. My friends tell me to give it time. But how much more? I'm sick of feeling this way.

 

 

What else can I do?

[jet24]

Can anyone help? It is alot to read, but I figured its the only way to really show my situation.

 

I basically just want to know, how to get over someone, when nothing seems to work....if it can be done.

[Amy22]

I am wondering how old this girl is because she is acting immature. Blaming you because you didn't take her to the clinic. How many more times did she want you to ask? Don't let her make you feel guilty for something she had control over. I am guessing she is an adult and can make decisions for herself.

 

I do think 2 years is a long time to still be so attached. Can you pinpoint what it is that is stopping you from getting over her? Have you had any relationships since you broke up? What was so great about her? What did she do for you? It doesn't sound like she did much. It sounds like everything was about her. I think you need to tell yourself that you deserve better. Reading your post and seeing how she treated you. You don't deserve that. You are better then that to let someone treat you like she did. Don't let her control your life anymore. Two years is long enough to give up to someone.

 

Have you tried counseling at all? I think sometimes that can really help.

 

I am sorry I can't offer better advice. I am really not sure what to tell you to do. But build your self esteem and know that you deserve better then her and decide you don't want her anymore. I hope things get better for you. You don't deserve to be miserable over a girl for 2 years.

 

Good Luck Amy

[sedgwick]

Did you ever find out what was wrong with her? Did she?

[Quiksilver ca]

You need a swift kick in the butt!

 

Get out there and stop tying YOUR enjoyment of YOUR life to this girl.

 

There is far more to life than women, and far more women in life.

 

Get out there, enjoy life, flirt with some more ladies, and be a man.

[sedgwick]

What's with all this "be a man" stuff I'm reading on here today? Are we really still living in a time when men aren't allowed to have emotions? Maybe that's what was wrong with mine...

[Quiksilver ca]

What's with all this "be a man" stuff I'm reading on here today? Are we really still living in a time when men aren't allowed to have emotions? Maybe that's what was wrong with mine...

 

And this helps him, how?

 

--

 

Men are allowed to have emotions. Men are almost as emotional as women are, it's the illusions that society has thrust upon men that has decided that men 'aren't allowed to have emotions'.

 

While I agree that men have emotions for sure, we should not be governed by them to the point where our emotions are ruining our lives.

[jet24]

I appreciate all of the advice. I agree that 2 years is a long time to be like this. I don't want to be like this anymore.

 

I don't sit around the house moping or anything, I have fun with friends, play sports, etc etc. but I can't have something to do all of the time....and thats when it usually gets to me. before I got to bed, or when I'm alone.

 

I tried dating new girls, but my interest was not there.

 

I think i'm doing all of the right things, so I don't know why it hasn't faded. I tried therapy too, but I got sick of the guy telling me his rendition of how I felt.

 

I think alot of the problem is, I don't understand why she acted the way she did.

 

And another part is many things in my daily life remind me of her. I'm not sure if i mentioned it before but, I see her dad every week at sports practice. Plus there are pictures of her on the wall at this place. Plus at practice I would see her frequently, although she hasn't gone lately, which is better for me.