Kia Kaha Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 I'm currently going through a really difficult break up. It's made worse by the fact that I didn't see it coming at all and I'm still struggling with the denial. We were together 9 years, emmigrated and then split up 6 weeks ago. Like so many others I feel that I'm doing a little better one day and then a lot worse the next. I'm overwhelmed by feelings of sadness, guilt, fear, worthlessness. I cry a lot. Reading the posts on this forum have helped me to realise that at least I'm not alone and that this is all part of the process, as painful as it is. I have begun NC, although our situation is complicated so I will need to have some contact for pratical/financial reasons. She has suggested that we move in together as friends (I don't have a job or anywhere to live), but I think we both know that's not going to happen. In my rational moments I can see that, for her, it is over and I genuinely do not see her as turning round and saying that she loves me and that it was all a mistake. Yet, I found myself today thinking about getting my life back together and then realised that underlying all my good intentions was the hope that this would attract her back to me. I then became very down again as I realised I hadn't really moved on. I guess I was/am? hoping that NC would change her mind, but I know deep down that it's over (I knew the very day 6 weeks ago when she became a different person to me). Also, because of everything that has happened and the way that it has happened I would be a complete fool to ever trust her again. So this further frustrates me because I seem to be holding out for something that I know I shouldn't let happen anyway. I wish I had the strength to accept that she's decided that it's over and that even if she changed her mind I shouldn't go back, although my life at the moment seems to be ruled by the slightest glimmer of a hope that it may. Any words of advice? This is horrible.
bejshermanoaks Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 You know--if you think it could be worked out, then maybe moving in IS the answer--it would promote communication and closeness...thats my initial thought. If shes willing to have you live there, sounds like there is hope to me....I know my ex would never let me live there , no matter what finances I had...
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