Boyfriends with Stripper Habits

[MakeLemonade]

I agree. Of course, I've been to a strip club all of three times in my life, twice during college and once for a wedding.

 

That said... if I'm with a woman who satisfies me, I normally don't have an overwhelming urge to see other women naked, just her. Certainly not enough urge to go blow several hundred dollars at a strip club.

 

If your guy's a regular at the strip club, ditch him.

 

Normal guys don't date strippers, right? Why should you date someone that is fooled by a stripper into spending money?

 

As far as whether it's cheating or not, that depends on the guy's intent... I guess. In my opinion, at the very least, it's disrespectful to the woman you're with.

 

I would tend to agree with this - while I have absolutely no issues w/ porn of (nearly) any kind. If your man goes to clubs more than 3-4 times a year - gotta go - that is a serious issue - strip clubs are for single men, or bachelor parties.

 

I really have no issue with them per se - I would probably go if my guy wanted to go - I think as a couple, strip clubs can be highly erotic as a once in awhile thing - but hubby has no desire, and actually - no guy I have ever dated or had relationships with has wanted to go. I can recall stories of visits before they met me, but not one has gone while I was with them and it was never an issue as far as not telling me either, they wouldn't have been afraid to. Never really thought about that before now - it is interesting - but anyway - I think if a committed man has needs for strip clubs beyond rare bachelor-partyesque romps he shouldn't be in a relationship. Period.

 

They are fine and well, for single guys, for parties, for couples wanting to spice things up, but unfortunately there is probably a sad reality, albeit - I would think - minority of patrons that are married/in a R, and shouldn't be there, but don't know how to (or want to) fill up the holes in their relationships that make them want to go there so much in the first place.

 

I really have no issue with them though for what they are. I can see how they would be threatening to someone whose man was going more than every once in awhile though - I certainly can see that.

Edited March 26, 2008 by MakeLemonade

[Little Shy]

The real question is do you trust your man enough to go to a strip club and "be good"? My friends who go to to local strip clubs get lap dances but then go home and give their girlfriends the best nights of their lives. Sure the concept may seem strange but it's not uncommon for lines of cheating to be drawn in different locations for different people. It depends on the security and nature of the relationship in which it resides.

 

If you have proper confidence in your relationship and functionality in your relationsip then a little thing like a strip club won't cause that many headaches. Taking it to the opposite extreme you could have so little confidence in your relationship that you don't even let your man hang out with friends without calling you every 20 mins or so...does that sound fair?

 

P.S. Since porn was already brought up here, and to further my point, we should also concider that there are many porn stars who are married...and not just to other people in porn. They seem to manage okay and their spouse full on has sex with other people. Strip clubs don't seem too bad now do they?

 

Alright, you bring up some interesting points here. This is about the woman being secure in the relationship huh? Hmmmmmm, let's see then.

 

How secure would you feel, if say, for instance, instead of your girlfriend waiting at home to get her "little reward" of being screwed by her boyfriend who got all horny having other naked women sitting in his lap rubbing their tits in his face, she decided to be proactive in facilitating your wonderful evening of drunk sex that lies ahead.

And, she decides, that she will go out on a date with a guy she just met, and afterwards, (of course he bought her dinner) in his car, apartment, whatever, she decides (once again, just to get herself turned on for her night of hot sex that lies ahead with you) to take off just about all her close & rub up on him.

Then! She returns home like the dutiful girlfriend that I am sure you will agree that she is, and meet up with you, and you have the hot steamy sex you have both been preparing yourselves for all night!

Has she done anything more "wrong" than you have?

Oh, and by the way, in all fairness, she would surely discuss this beforehand with you, as you both headed out the door for your respective nights out on the town.

And, with this love & understanding, are you still in fact in a monogamous relationship?

And FYI, you are not shocking me with the useless info on people working in Porn & their ****ed up marriages & lives together. I am totally aware, based on where I live & my line of work, exactly how some people such as sex workers choose to live.

I'm sure the quality of Jenna Jamison & Peter Ortiz' love life together is JUST spectacular.

Once again, I am NOT addressing porn here, nor did I want this thread to jump to a comparison of porn vs. stripping.

Edited March 26, 2008 by Little Shy

[PRSun]

The situations are different. Going to a bar or stripclub is completely different then the process you described...which is pretty much a hot date. I'm not going to argue that there are indeed people who find that sort of thing acceptable, there are but they're in the rarity. I'm sure there are few people who make the romantic connection involved with dating while visting a strip club. If my girlfriend went to a male strip club or something, I wouldn't mind. Most girls I date don't want to "date" stripper. Sure it's a nice fantasy but it's a taboo you usually keep in check when it comes to hooking up with or intecourse on some level. If I can't trust her to go to a bar, a strip club, a night club, then our relationship has other issues and one or both of us isn't comforable/secure in the relationship.

[Little Shy]

The situations are different. Going to a bar or stripclub is completely different then the process you described...which is pretty much a hot date. I'm not going to argue that there are indeed people who find that sort of thing acceptable, there are but they're in the rarity. I'm sure there are few people who make the romantic connection involved with dating while visting a strip club.

 

But wait a minute. Why are they so different? You are going to pleasure yourself by paying for some naked chick to rub up on you, that you have no romantic involvement with.

Wonder if your girlfriend strictly wanted to be taken out for the night & shown a good time (since you are out spending your money on other women that night anyway) and spend some time getting fresh with a guy that she is NOT romanticly involved with, but that she just wanted to have some thrills with?

What makes you think that because a girl takes a date with a guy, & then gets fresh with him, she wants to get involved with him beyond that night?

If she does not, there is no difference here.

And please dont try & say it would be equal & you would be fine with her going to a male strip club. Women at strip clubs have great figures & huge racks, & they know how to move. This is a big turn on.

I am presuming you have SEEN the greased up, shaved up, banana hammock sporting, Jerry Curl - Flavios that work as male dancers?? They are actually repelents! Those guys come after you & most girls I know want to run! Plus, a great deal of them are gay!

Please, to equal the playing field, your hypothetical girlfriend gets to go out & spend some quality time with the hot dude of her choice.

Just like you get to select the stripper that gives you a lap dance!

[PRSun]

Like i said, there is NO romance in strip clubs. There is however romance and connection on dates. The two are not equal interms of emotional involvment. On dates your intent is usually to make some sort of intelectual understand and thus bond with a person. Men and women go on dates to find significant others and built relationships on a more personal level. No one, men or women, make that same connection in strip clubs...well usually, i guess porn stars could...since they're f*cked up but that's besides the point.

 

Your rationale is flawed on a primary level. It's not that you're comparing apples and oranges on a physical level. You're talking about the basis for relationship building vs. leasure activites. Going to the park one on one, going to the zoo one on one, the movies, dinner, shopping. These are things you do with someone because you're are establishing something more then physical with this person. Strip clubs, bars, nightclubs, lounges, these are places where you can go with your friends and forget the worries of the day. For some it may be an escape from a relationship or a means to an out, but most people can perform the latter without emotional strain because it's essentially empty in meaningness. The former is on an etirely different level. Can a relationship reside there? Yes but it's not very common.

[Little Shy]

Stop telling me my thinking is flawed.

My thinking is different from yours, is all.

Your thinking serves your own selfish purpose to rationlize that cheap thrills with other women can still exist & be enjoyed by men while you are in a relationship with another woman.

Your basis for saying this, is that your intent is not to form a relationship with any of these women (dancers).

First of all, who cares that you don't want a relationship with them! You want them to rub up on you naked for one night, and that is bad enough.

2nd, I have known many men who have dated strippers, and met them at the club.

And, to say that you know what the objective is behind why every girl would go on a date with a guy?

I have been on plenty of dates, and many of my girlfriends have, where I was in no way intending or hoping for a relationship to come from it.

 

I have gone on dates with men knowing that afterwards, we would likely mess around a bit (that's why I took them up on going on a date with them) and then likely thats about as far as my interest goes with them.

This is particularly true with younger men I might date, sorry, but true.

I am not going to go on a date with a 21 year old guy in hope for "intellectual stimulation" or in hope of creating a LTR.

They are fun, but a relationship isn't going to happen with them.

Get real and realize women can have & enjoy fantasy type encounters with men just as much as you can.

If you get a fantasy night, no reason your girl can't either.

 

You cannot make the general call, that everyone who is going to a strip bar is in it for meaningless encounters, and that everyone going on a date is out to form the basis of a relationship.

If everyone going out on a date with a person was looking for something substantial, would forums like this exist?

Let me ask you this, each & every date you took a girl on, was it to investigate the potential for a long term relationship, for intellectual stimulation?? I'll bet!

[Legend]

They make strip clubs for women too. I wouldn't give 2 sh*ts if my gf went there. At the end of the day, you're the one sleeping with them.

[rainfall]

The real question is do you trust your man enough to go to a strip club and "be good"? My friends who go to to local strip clubs get lap dances but then go home and give their girlfriends the best nights of their lives. Sure the concept may seem strange but it's not uncommon for lines of cheating to be drawn in different locations for different people. It depends on the security and nature of the relationship in which it resides.

 

If you have proper confidence in your relationship and functionality in your relationsip then a little thing like a strip club won't cause that many headaches. Taking it to the opposite extreme you could have so little confidence in your relationship that you don't even let your man hang out with friends without calling you every 20 mins or so...does that sound fair?

 

P.S. Since porn was already brought up here, and to further my point, we should also concider that there are many porn stars who are married...and not just to other people in porn. They seem to manage okay and their spouse full on has sex with other people. Strip clubs don't seem too bad now do they?

 

 

I have plenty of confidence in my relationship. Strip clubs are just not a place I want in my relationship. Why in the world would I ever want my man to go get all turned on by some stripper chick and then come home and sleep with me. To me that is disrespectful and disgusting. He got turned on by come chick dancing but the poor baby has to lower himself into sleeping with me. Yeah I think I will pass.

 

Yes strip clubs still seem bad. I don't care if someone is willing to be married to a porn star. That is their relationship and if it works for them great. However if I choose to not allow other people into my relationship then that is my choice as well.

[PRSun]

Let me ask you this, each & every date you took a girl on, was it to investigate the potential for a long term relationship, for intellectual stimulation?? I'll bet!

 

I'm just going to address this portion because the other part our "difference of opinion" is going to keep us at impass for quite sometime i imagine.

 

My anwser to this question is yes (obviously) I'm not sure if you've been to my lil city in nevada but it's not easy to "date around" You have to go on a trial run with one girl for at least a few months before you can go to another one. Character is important here because of the obviouse lack of morality that comes with living in a state where gaining access to sex is as easy as a 2 minute drive. Half of the guys here take the other route and they're pretty much black balled from dating locals because they're kinda gross. You really can't be sure how many unregulated cat houses are out in the desert, or how many times they've gone to fallon or the like. Those guys have zero opportunity for dating. Myself and my friends on the other hand visit strip clubs periodically, while in relationships included, but stay away from the prostitution ring. If we're going to strip clubs, and we have the opportunity to go to wh*re houses, then we're obviously not having sex with strippers. Some times we take whatever girls we're seeing to the clubs with us. Strippers LOVE other girls and usually give them free lap dances! We all end up having a good time and the post strip club sex is amazing.

 

I can see how something like that would be less appealing to more conservative thinkers in relationships but I'm telling you it works. I broke up with my last girlfriend because she wanted to start a familiy and i wasn't ready. Other then that our relationship was bullet proof. The level of trust I established with her was profound and it's more then likely it will be the same with the next person I date. If more people learned to check their ego at the door before entering a relationship and learned to invistigate the likes of their partner and their motives then they'd likely have less problems overall concerining said realtionships...strip clubs and all.

 

I have plenty of confidence in my relationship. Strip clubs are just not a place I want in my relationship. Why in the world would I ever want my man to go get all turned on by some stripper chick and then come home and sleep with me. To me that is disrespectful and disgusting. He got turned on by come chick dancing but the poor baby has to lower himself into sleeping with me. Yeah I think I will pass.

 

Yes strip clubs still seem bad. I don't care if someone is willing to be married to a porn star. That is their relationship and if it works for them great. However if I choose to not allow other people into my relationship then that is my choice as well.

 

Wow that's just super. You're counter points were spot on! Bravo!

[rainfall]

 

Wow that's just super. You're counter points were spot on! Bravo!

 

 

Hey we view strip clubs as different things. I have no desire to allow that into my relationship and you do. You will neevr change my mind and I am sure I will never change yours.

 

Just don't tell me that its ok and I should allow my bf to let other women touch him. Other people view different things as cheating and they shouldn't be told that it ok and they are wrong. I guess to me one person is enough and I expect anyone I date to feel the same way.

[PRSun]

Hey we view strip clubs as different things. I have no desire to allow that into my relationship and you do. You will neevr change my mind and I am sure I will never change yours.

 

Just don't tell me that its ok and I should allow my bf to let other women touch him. Other people view different things as cheating and they shouldn't be told that it ok and they are wrong. I guess to me one person is enough and I expect anyone I date to feel the same way.

 

And that's all good and well. The picture I painted however wasn't made to act as guidelines for your personal relationship though. I'm simply stating that it's very possible to have a functional healthy relationship even if one or both of the parties involved frequents strip clubs. What happens on a personal level ofcourse is up to you. I do find being open to new ideas and possibilities in general will get you conciderably further in understanding people in general. When you make rules set in stone like that you've effectively shortened your horizons. Thinking outside the box provides you with more means to an end.

[rainfall]

And that's all good and well. The picture I painted however wasn't made to act as guidelines for your personal relationship though. I'm simply stating that it's very possible to have a functional healthy relationship even if one or both of the parties involved frequents strip clubs. What happens on a personal level ofcourse is up to you. I do find being open to new ideas and possibilities in general will get you conciderably further in understanding people in general. When you make rules set in stone like that you've effectively shortened your horizons. Thinking outside the box provides you with more means to an end.

 

I agree that being open to new ideas is a good thing. However I don't think my being open to the idea of some chick besides me touching my boyfriend and getting naked for him would bring anything but harm to my relationship. I make rules set in stone because I know what I am comfortable with in a relationship. The thought of some stripper even coming close to touching my bf sickens me so considering it as a new possibility is just not something for me.

[PinkKittyKat]

They make strip clubs for women too. I wouldn't give 2 sh*ts if my gf went there. At the end of the day, you're the one sleeping with them.

 

I hear this argument from men a lot... But, how would you feel if it was your gf dancing naked and GIVING the lap-dances for other dudes?

 

Just curious.

 

Me and my current bf had a calm discussion about lap-dances/stripper bars being cheating, and he didn't seem to really "get it" until I said "So, if I was the one giving lap-dances, it's not cheating?"

 

Him:..................

 

We have an agreement.

Even though he doesn't like strip clubs anyway...

 

His buddies still bug him about the time he refused to go in one and, get this, WAITED FOR THEM IN THE CAR! And, yes, he was single at the time. Pretty brave, if you ask me. The guys really laid it on him, trying to call him a pussy, fag etc. if he didn't go.

 

 

Why in the world would I ever want my man to go get all turned on by some stripper chick and then come home and sleep with me. To me that is disrespectful and disgusting. He got turned on by come chick dancing but the poor baby has to lower himself into sleeping with me. Yeah I think I will pass.

 

My opinion exactly. I once heard a woman say, "I don't care how he gets hungry, as long as he comes home to eat." I tried to take it to heart, but really, I cannot agree with it. At all.

 

I used to be very permissive, and went to fetish clubs, had 3-somes, watched strippers and had a fierce porn habit(no I am not kidding ).

Now, I feel like I was disrespecting the guys I was with when I was like that... So, I stopped.... deleted all my porn, don't go clubbing, or anything.

 

Using someone else to get you horny, then going home and using your SO as basically a masturbation tool seems...wrong to me now.

 

Anyway, if so many guys think it's not cheating, then what about if it was just a random girl naked and climbing on them at a party? How does the exchange of money make it ANY more appropriate in a committed relationship?

[Legend]

To simplify:

 

You give lap dance = cheating

you receive lap dance = not cheating

boyfriend gets lapdance = not cheating

boyfriend gives lapdance = cheating

[PRSun]

However I don't think my being open to the idea of some chick besides me touching my boyfriend and getting naked for him would bring anything but harm to my relationship... The thought of some stripper even coming close to touching my bf sickens me so considering it as a new possibility is just not something for me.

 

Why is this? do you have a difinitive reason for the conditioning behind this or is it the same way people just don't like brussel sprouts? I'm curious to know the reasoning behind absolutes since I believe most of them are mental constructs.

[Little Shy]

Anyway, if so many guys think it's not cheating, then what about if it was just a random girl naked and climbing on them at a party? How does the exchange of money make it ANY more appropriate in a committed relationship?

 

Exactly, but I am sure PR Sun will come up with some brilliant reason why the naked girl on you at a party is an entirely different situation. I'm sure he's got a million reasons why.

PR Sun, your point of origin (Sin City) explains a hell of a lot to me about your opinion you keep inserting here on all your posts.

 

I have known many friends born & raised there, and many friends who tried to live there. I have seen many friends who lived there for several years return, with their souls cut right out of their caverns.

 

Thanks for everyone's input, but this could go in circles forever, with one particular's opinion, at least, so on that note, I'm closing this post.

[rainfall]

Why is this? do you have a difinitive reason for the conditioning behind this or is it the same way people just don't like brussel sprouts? I'm curious to know the reasoning behind absolutes since I believe most of them are mental constructs.

 

 

Well I consider cheating to be any form of sexual contact in which someone is trying to turn on my SO. A lap dance wold fall into this category. If I walked into a party and saw a girl naked dancing on top of my bf I am sure most people here would agree that was wrong.

 

I do not feel it makes it ok just because it is paid for. I think if you need to look to outside sources for sexual pleasure then there is something missing in your relationship.

[PRSun]

Well I consider cheating to be any form of sexual contact in which someone is trying to turn on my SO. A lap dance wold fall into this category. If I walked into a party and saw a girl naked dancing on top of my bf I am sure most people here would agree that was wrong.

 

I do not feel it makes it ok just because it is paid for. I think if you need to look to outside sources for sexual pleasure then there is something missing in your relationship.

 

I understand your point, which is better then where we started from the onset. What happens when your boyfriend is out of your sight and you don't actually see the naked girl dancing in front of him? Out of sight out of mind or does he tell you what happened at the bachelor party he went to?

 

Lets also concider you've been together for quite some time with your significant other and the romance has kind of gone out of the relationship. As opposed to oudside sources, what do you do to spice things up? Factor in you've run out of things to do just between the two of you.

[PinkKittyKat]

What happens when your boyfriend is out of your sight and you don't actually see the naked girl dancing in front of him? Out of sight out of mind or does he tell you what happened at the bachelor party he went to?

 

Well, if there's been an understanding between them, and he goes behind her back to do it anyway, how is there trust in the relationship? That's like saying it's okay to cheat as long as the other person can't find out to be hurt. Just because the other person is in the dark about the behaviour doesn't make it any less wrong.

 

If she asked, "Did you go see strippers?" and he says "No," then he would be lying. If he answers, "Yes," then she will be upset, as she's already told him she considers that to be a violation of her boundaries. I don't see it as being any different if he hides it from her, it's almost WORSE.

[PRSun]

Well, if there's been an understanding between them, and he goes behind her back to do it anyway, how is there trust in the relationship? That's like saying it's okay to cheat as long as the other person can't find out to be hurt. Just because the other person is in the dark about the behaviour doesn't make it any less wrong.

 

If she asked, "Did you go see strippers?" and he says "No," then he would be lying. If he answers, "Yes," then she will be upset, as she's already told him she considers that to be a violation of her boundaries. I don't see it as being any different if he hides it from her, it's almost WORSE.

 

This is true. If one or more parties is lying about the relationship then things won't work overall. Trust is the foundation for any solid relationship. If you establish that certain things are unacceptable in a relationship the crossing that line is a major violation and the spawn of conflict. There are no exceptions without communication.

 

I would also think that a girl going to a bar and she got hit on by a guy or what not and she was virtuous and fended him off, I wouldn't necessarily have to know that fact. There's no need for an explination because she was faithful. I would think if a guy went to a bachelor party and all of a sudden one of the guest shows up with a stripper but the guy does not partake in anyway, that fact could be omitted to avoid conflict. Would you agree?

[PinkKittyKat]

This is true. If one or more parties is lying about the relationship then things won't work overall. Trust is the foundation for any solid relationship. If you establish that certain things are unacceptable in a relationship the crossing that line is a major violation and the spawn of conflict. There are no exceptions without communication.

 

Completely agreed.

 

I would also think that a girl going to a bar and she got hit on by a guy or what not and she was virtuous and fended him off, I wouldn't necessarily have to know that fact. There's no need for an explination because she was faithful. I would think if a guy went to a bachelor party and all of a sudden one of the guest shows up with a stripper but the guy does not partake in anyway, that fact could be omitted to avoid conflict. Would you agree?

 

I, personally, would tell my bf if that happened. I wouldn't be going to the bar alone anyway, but if it did occur, I would let him know. I would assure him that a man came up to me and that I turned him down. That's not only being honest, it's being considerate. It lets the guy know you want ONLY him, and no other guy can come close. I tell my bf when other guys get inappropriate with me, it's only fair.

 

If my bf was at a bachelor party and "didn't partake", as in "left the room and didn't even watch, and did not 'participate' at all", then why wouldn't he tell me? I may find out later from one of the other guys that there was a stripper, and wonder why he kept it from me.

 

Avoiding conflict should not come with the price of withholding important information that could hurt the other party deeply.

[rainfall]

To simplify:

 

You give lap dance = cheating

you receive lap dance = not cheating

boyfriend gets lapdance = not cheating

boyfriend gives lapdance = cheating

 

 

All 4 are cheating.....

[PinkKittyKat]

All 4 are cheating.....

 

 

I agree. Any sexual contact counts as cheating in my book.

[Ketoclubs]

I think there's emotional cheating (the precusor to physical cheating) and then physical cheating. I wouldn't consider a guy going to a strip club cheating any more than his girlfriend having a flirtatious conversation with another guy.

[PinkKittyKat]

I think there's emotional cheating (the precusor to physical cheating) and then physical cheating. I wouldn't consider a guy going to a strip club cheating any more than his girlfriend having a flirtatious conversation with another guy.

 

*shrugs*

But some guys would consider having a flirtatious conversation with another guy cheating, you know?

And some girls would consider going to a strip club cheating.

 

It's all different. There are lots of girls who are cool with their bfs going to peeler bars, and a lot of men who would be cool with their gf chatting up some bar stud.

 

It's all about boundaries, and what both parties are comfortable with.

 

And hello again, Keto.