Little Shy Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 Hey all! So there has long time been a debate about this in my head. I have several guy friends that go to strip bars quite frequently, and I have dated a couple men that liked to frequent strip bars. To me, it's always been a HUGE grey area of acceptance when you are in a committed relationship with a guy. A girlfriend of mine was just talking to me tonight, about how her boyfriend visits these bars a couple times a month, without her. I would really like to know others thoughts on this subject, male & female feedback alike. For me, I feel that it is circumstantial. But let's say you are in a committed, non married relationship with a guy. At what point does visiting strip bars draw the line, if any? A friends bachelor party once or twice a year. I don't see much harm in that. But, I think I become a bit uncomfortable with the "habit" if it starts happening a couple times a month, there is a lot of money spent there (on the ladies) and lastly, when lap dances are involved. And by the way, I have visited strip bars a couple times with friends, and on the odd occasion with a boyfriend. So, I'm pretty well aware of the whole deal there, but once again, except the lap dance, never QUITE sure what the private dance entails. Thanks! All thoughts/feedback is appreciated!
Kiss Dont Miss Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 Little Shy, it's a very interesting theme. I wouldn't like my BF visiting strip clubs. Still I wouldn't mind his going there once a year for a bachelor's party, etc. for the rest of time I would myself become a lap dancer for him, and I'm sure he'll love it . But I don't know whether guys really want this to be done by someone else, not their GFs - guys, what's your opinion? KissdontMiss
NuTuDating Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 Strip clubs are such a waste of money it's ridiculous.
sam light Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 Lap dances cost enough as it is. What goes on in private isn't much more than what happens during the lap dances. If your BF is filthy rich then maybe he's F*&^%* them. But it's very expensive and most strippers won't do it anyhow. He shouldn't overdue his visits and he should always come running to you after when he's all horned up.
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 I guess I've been lucky in that no one I've dated or been serious with had much use for blowing money on strippers. That said, why do you date guys who like to frequent strip clubs if you are uncomfortable with it? I would think it would be easier and more pleasant for all involved to simply date someone who doesn't care about going to strip clubs than it would be to date someone with a habit of it and try to make him change.
Timberlane Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 You girls are right to be skeptical of strip clubs and what goes on there. I had the unexpected circumstance to briefly date a girl that had once worked in a strip club. She counted herself rather naive, and believed all of the girls were just dancing. In fact, a few of them had steady customers who essentially paid for sex. These were the same customers that came in like anyone else. Once a dancer had that sort of arrangement with one or two customers, it was not uncommon for them to take on others. Just to let you know this does occur. I have only been to a strip club once. Honestly, it's a bit creepy. Not into that stuff.
John Who Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 Exactly,alot more happens in strip clubs then you think. I have gone to a strip club twice for bachelor parties,i'm not into that whole strip club thing. Both times i was offered sex,but turned it down. If you are in a R and you are concerned about your BF going to a strip club,maybe you should talk to him about it tell him how you feel . But you do need to know alot of guys don't tell the GF or W they are going to the strip club.
spookie Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 (edited) Strip clubs are as different as people. There are classy clubs that cater to wealthy businessmen where it's true that nothing shady goes on. There are blue-collar tittie bars where every second person deals coke and the strippers will fcvk for drugs and/or money, right there in the club sometimes (I've worked at a place like this). There are BYOB nude bars where all the girls have herpes on their legs. There are rural hick clubs where no one pays for dances and if you have teeth you're hot enough to strip. On top of that, everyone has their own reason for going. Bachelor parties, hanging out with friends, watching naked chicks, paying for hot women to sit on your lap... those are the reasons most people assume. But there's lots of guys that just go there to drink, who aren't there for the girls at all. The trashy clubs are great for that - dim lighting, bad music, lots of creeps - it's easy to remain anonymous, easy to spend hours and hours lost in your thoughts. It's a much more comfortable place than a normal bar. Everything goes at strip clubs. You can just be your lonely self. Some guys go there to buy coke. Some guys go there to talk to people they woudln't in their normal lives, because, let's face is, no one, not even strippers, are as two-dimensional as people like to think. Everyone's got a story. These stories can be interesting. I think it's important to understand why your guy is going there. If he's one of the retards that wants to blow hundreds of dollars for some contact with a naked chick, I personally think that's dancing right on the border of infidelity - and I'm a stripper. If it's one of the other reasons - well, you've got to figure out for yourself what you're ok with. Edited March 24, 2008 by spookie
Author Little Shy Posted March 24, 2008 Author Posted March 24, 2008 I think it's important to understand why your guy is going there. If he's one of the retards that wants to blow hundreds of dollars for some contact with a naked chick, I personally think that's dancing right on the border of infidelity - and I'm a stripper. If it's one of the other reasons - well, you've got to figure out for yourself what you're ok with. Thank you so much for your input Spookie, I don't think anyone else's could compare in value! I am quite aware of the range in strip bars, as I have been to several (all across the board you mentioned) and have known several dancers. As I mentioned, the only real confusion I had was in the intensity of lap dances, as I have only received one ever, and being a female, it was pretty low key! I truly believe that in the past, the men I dated who went to these bars, and I know which bars they went to, just went to get a casual glance on, a strong drink, and companionship with their bro's. They never went for drugs, thats for sure, & were not interested in going as far as having contact with the dancers. I think I might be on the same page with you though, regarding your final statement. I think that if the guy drops a lot of cash on lap dances, then not only is he foolish to pay so much for this contrived "relationship" with the dancer, who is merely doing her job & will walk when the job is done, but also, it boarders on infidelity to the woman he is in a relationship with. Any input from others would also be appreciated! Thanks again Spookie!
Legend Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 I don't see what the big deal is. As long as your guy is faithful, who cares? This goes back to the topic of porn. If you can't deal with him looking at porn, then a strip club is no different. Both should be acceptable and not considered cheating. If you consider them cheating perhaps you should date women instead.
Author Little Shy Posted March 25, 2008 Author Posted March 25, 2008 Legend, I thought someone would draw the parallel between porn & strip clubs. In your opinion they are the same, (but you state it as if it is a fact) in my opinion they are not. One is viewing through a camera, and one is live action with possible skin to skin contact (lap dance). Spookie said herself (and she is a dancer) that lap dancing rides the fence of infidelity. I watch a bit of porn myself, and sometimes with boyfriends, and don't care if they watch it alone. Thanks for the advice on changing my sexual persuasion though. That sounds like a viable & realistic option. It's not going to happen, and it dosen't need too.
blind_otter Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 I don't see what the big deal is. As long as your guy is faithful, who cares? This goes back to the topic of porn. If you can't deal with him looking at porn, then a strip club is no different. Both should be acceptable and not considered cheating. If you consider them cheating perhaps you should date women instead. I have to agree with Little Shy on this one. Porn is not interactive. You sit there and passively look at it, it does not talk back to you or elicit more money from you. Strippers, however, do.
Legend Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 What about private porn webcam chats etc. It's all the same, keep lying to yourself.
lexi29 Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 I honestly thought I would not have a problem with someone I'm dating going to a strip club. Especially since around where I live as someone in this thread put it, if you have teeth you are hot enough to strip. I've been lucky and never dated a guy who was into going to strip clubs. One guy I dated went to a one- it was an upscale one in another state and he said it was just sleezy to him and he said he felt pathetic adn that the other men there were pathetic because here they were paying these girls to keep paying attention them. That once the wallet was gone, the strippers would move onto the next person. He didnt' like it at all (and he LOVED porn). Another guy I was in a long relationship with , I actually offered to pay for him to see strippers for his birthday one year, he refused the offer stating he'd rather have the real thing (that he can actually have sex with ) then just go look at some strangers. My fiance has been to strip clubs in his past (he didn't frequent them) went with his dad when he turned 18 and with some buddies on an off over the years. But hasnt been to one since he's been dating me. now all of a sudden he wants to go with his friends this weekend (just told me yesterday) and it is making me very uncomfortable. I'm pretty open minded- I watch porn with him and even have bought him some porn I think he'll like that he watches on his own but there is something about him getting drunk with horny friends and watching/touching naked women that I am not very comfortable with.
rainfall Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 I don't see what the big deal is. As long as your guy is faithful, who cares? This goes back to the topic of porn. If you can't deal with him looking at porn, then a strip club is no different. Both should be acceptable and not considered cheating. If you consider them cheating perhaps you should date women instead. How is it not cheating if a naked women is touching a guy in an effort to turn him on sexually? If a guy goes to a strip club he knows that there is a chance that a stripper might come up to him and touch him and sit in his lap all in an effort to get his money. How exactly is it not cheating?
spookie Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 It just isnt. Oh ok. But seriously... the parallels between porn and stripping are totally ridiculous. Porn is anonymous and the girls are not "real", you cannot connect to them via conversation or feel their skin on yours. Strippers are so interactive. A night with a stripper is like a night with a very drunk, very very easy date. You chat a little, buy her a drink, and then she takes you into a corner and for twenty bucks a song rides your cock. Oh, and the whole time, all she's wearing is a g-string. People have different definitions, but I don't get how that's NOT cheating. What, because it's her job, because you're blowing cash on this girl it's ok for her to be topless in your lap, bouncing up and down your erection? ps if you want to know what a lap dance entails, you can read about it on my blog: violetk.wordpress.com
rainfall Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 It just isnt. Um ok... If thinking that helps you sleep better at night....
Author Little Shy Posted March 26, 2008 Author Posted March 26, 2008 Hey Spookie thanks again for the input & the link. I read a bit of it, really interesting, an entertaining read! Too bad you are all the way & in Texas, I would certainly stop into The Landing Strip & buy you a Patron! Cheers!
PRSun Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 The real question is do you trust your man enough to go to a strip club and "be good"? My friends who go to to local strip clubs get lap dances but then go home and give their girlfriends the best nights of their lives. Sure the concept may seem strange but it's not uncommon for lines of cheating to be drawn in different locations for different people. It depends on the security and nature of the relationship in which it resides. If you have proper confidence in your relationship and functionality in your relationsip then a little thing like a strip club won't cause that many headaches. Taking it to the opposite extreme you could have so little confidence in your relationship that you don't even let your man hang out with friends without calling you every 20 mins or so...does that sound fair? P.S. Since porn was already brought up here, and to further my point, we should also concider that there are many porn stars who are married...and not just to other people in porn. They seem to manage okay and their spouse full on has sex with other people. Strip clubs don't seem too bad now do they?
NuTuDating Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 Um ok... If thinking that helps you sleep better at night.... I agree. Of course, I've been to a strip club all of three times in my life, twice during college and once for a wedding. That said... if I'm with a woman who satisfies me, I normally don't have an overwhelming urge to see other women naked, just her. Certainly not enough urge to go blow several hundred dollars at a strip club. If your guy's a regular at the strip club, ditch him. Normal guys don't date strippers, right? Why should you date someone that is fooled by a stripper into spending money? As far as whether it's cheating or not, that depends on the guy's intent... I guess. In my opinion, at the very least, it's disrespectful to the woman you're with.
Legend Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 Oh ok. But seriously... the parallels between porn and stripping are totally ridiculous. Porn is anonymous and the girls are not "real", you cannot connect to them via conversation or feel their skin on yours. Strippers are so interactive. A night with a stripper is like a night with a very drunk, very very easy date. You chat a little, buy her a drink, and then she takes you into a corner and for twenty bucks a song rides your cock. Oh, and the whole time, all she's wearing is a g-string. People have different definitions, but I don't get how that's NOT cheating. What, because it's her job, because you're blowing cash on this girl it's ok for her to be topless in your lap, bouncing up and down your erection? ps if you want to know what a lap dance entails, you can read about it on my blog: violetk.wordpress.com So where's this place you strip at? I'm up for throwing a few bills down.
cutegirl Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 I hope you know some guys can ejaculate from lap dances and some guys wear a condom during dances. There are even msg boards online where guys review which strippers at which clubs offer "high mileage dances" etc. SOME strippers, not all, but SOME will screw and give bj's and handjobs for extra payment.
Legend Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 I agree. Of course, I've been to a strip club all of three times in my life, twice during college and once for a wedding. That said... if I'm with a woman who satisfies me, I normally don't have an overwhelming urge to see other women naked, just her. Certainly not enough urge to go blow several hundred dollars at a strip club. If your guy's a regular at the strip club, ditch him. Normal guys don't date strippers, right? Why should you date someone that is fooled by a stripper into spending money? As far as whether it's cheating or not, that depends on the guy's intent... I guess. In my opinion, at the very least, it's disrespectful to the woman you're with. I dated a stripper for a year before.
PRSun Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 I hope you know some guys can ejaculate from lap dances and some guys wear a condom during dances. There are even msg boards online where guys review which strippers at which clubs offer "high mileage dances" etc. SOME strippers, not all, but SOME will screw and give bj's and handjobs for extra payment. SOME strippers are actually hookers yes but SOME guys are honest and won't let things go that far. Again it comes down to trust between the mates. In nevada prostitution is LEGAL. Your wife may not like it but you can be covert and sneak away to have sex with a woman and be within your rights here. Trust is a HUGE issuse for any couple out here. Strippers CAN act as hookers, but why not just bite the bullet and be a hooker because it's legal. Still i stray from the point, tons of guys can and do go to strip clubs regularlly and don't cheat on their signficant others.
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