bigbuck2008 Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 I will try and keep this short but I cant gaurantee anything: To start out I was in a relationship with this girl for about 7 months. She has two kids from two different guys. She is very very very independent...but as for her kids I basically acted like a father to them. I was around every day I took them everywhere I could where we could all have fun together. I got attatched to them and they got attatched to me. My girlfriend and I decided one night we would play poker for charity and we ended up drinking as well. Around 1:30 am I decided it was time to go because I did not want to take money out of the atm to continue drinking and she became mad because I wouldnt take money out to drink more. We went back to her house and I sat on the couch and she started throwing a fit. I told her countless times I did not want to argue but she kept on me. She started throwing food at me and then broke my cell phone and thats when hell broke loose. I became angry with her and pushed her. I know this was wrong to do and there is no excuse for it. After I had done that I left. About 4 weeks passed and there was really no contact with her. I had sent some flowers and an apology letter. The father of one of her children came up to me in the bar and we talked for a little while about everything basically. I then asked him if it was ok if I saw T (Their son) the following day and he said yes that would be ok. Anyway I stopped by the fathers house and saw her boy. He colored me a picture and we talked for a bit then I left. Well just last night my ex texted me asking me if I could pick her up from her moms house...so...I went to her moms. We went outside and she began questioning me on if I had been talking to her sons father...I told her the truth. She became irate and started saying I dont care about her son I just care about getting back at her. I told her that is not the case and she just doesnt believe me. Let me also say that the father and mother (My ex) of t do not have a good relationship. They hate eachother. I know this was wrong to do...I really would like to be her friend but I just dont know what to do anymore. Was it really stupid of me to go see t? I honestly didnt think I would ever be able to see him again. She keeps asking me why I did it and I just tell her its because I wanted to see t....I am not going to lie the father of trevor and his girlfriend were cutting her down alot while I was there but thats not why I went there. I just dont know what to do.
pr-girl Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 First off, she does not sound independent. If she was waiting for you to take money out of the atm and needed you to pick her up from her mom's, she sounds a bit dependent to me. She sounds as though she has some male relationship issues. I don't think it's wrong at all that you went to see her son. I do think you should've walked away prior to the physical incident; however, it was both your doing, not just you. I'm a woman and have bit in an abusive relationship before, but I never behaved like her. I left the relationship and never looked back. Sometimes women use their gender as an excuse to treat others badly feeling as though they have a right. They think a man can't get angry. Well, they can. She needs to chill the eff out and realize she doesn't walk on water. Oh, and don't send anymore flowers or apologies. She doesn't deserve it.
Author bigbuck2008 Posted March 24, 2008 Author Posted March 24, 2008 Yea she is definately not independent money wise, however, she has a really really hard time when a guy is the boss in a relationship...so basically I let her boss me around all the time and it finally hit that night when I had pushed her. I wish we could have just met in the middle...but we couldnt. Im just really suprised we ended up like this. We did so much together but I usually paid for it lol. We had front row tickets to a packer game, constantly went out to eat, and went on vacation alot...I even paid some of her bills lol. I thought it was pretty serious but a lot of people tell me now that shes had more boyfriends than you can count and I was the longest relationship she had...(probably because I let her walk all over me) but I really liked her. Hell I even bought her a 56" tv and a brand new washer and dryer . I think she is mad about me visiting T because she thinks he will use it against her if she ever goes for full custody. Ill be honest the boys father and fathers gf arent very nice people...but like I said it was to see t. She texted me today and said even if it was to see t I still went behind her back...I dont see how I did that seein how we were broke up for almost a month but I didnt feel like fighting so I just said yea i went behind your back and I am sorry. Anyway thanks for the input it really helps me out.
pr-girl Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 Yea she is definately not independent money wise, however, she has a really really hard time when a guy is the boss in a relationship...so basically I let her boss me around all the time and it finally hit that night when I had pushed her. I wish we could have just met in the middle...but we couldnt. Im just really suprised we ended up like this. We did so much together but I usually paid for it lol. We had front row tickets to a packer game, constantly went out to eat, and went on vacation alot...I even paid some of her bills. Sounds to me as though she feels as though men owe her something. Was she good to you? Was she appreciative? I've met several women like this in Vegas: women that treat men like crap, but expect them to pay for everything and take on their kids as well. Honey, she is not independent because she doesn't want a man controlling her. She's codependent because she will always need a man to take care of her. Let me guess... she has bad credit, uses sex to make you feel loved and will always argue when she doesn't get her way?
Author bigbuck2008 Posted March 24, 2008 Author Posted March 24, 2008 Honey, she is not independent because she doesn't want a man controlling her. She's codependent because she will always need a man to take care of her. Let me guess... she has bad credit, uses sex to make you feel loved and will always argue when she doesn't get her way? You hit that on the spot! Horrid credit, sex rarely (she would blow up if I had asked it was like a reward it seemed like), and yea argues when she doesnt get her way.
pr-girl Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 You hit that on the spot! Horrid credit, sex rarely (she would blow up if I had asked it was like a reward it seemed like), and yea argues when she doesnt get her way. Well, I think I've met her several times in my life - actually, women just like her. Be happy that you are no longer together. She's making this all about her. She thinks she hasn't done anything wrong - that it's all your fault. Don't allow her the power to dictate your life. I have a buddy that was broken-hearted when he and his ex (mother of 3 from 3 different men) broke up. Now, all 3 men (who all get along with each other now) always feel SO sorry for the new guys. Haha. He's RELIEVED they are no longer together. You seem like an amazing man. You should be with a truly independent and kind woman. Someone who doesn't expect you to take care of her. Someone who doesn't need you in her life, but wants you in her life. Partners should complement each other; not expect things from each other. They should enhance each other's lives; not burden them. I know how attached you must be to her kids, but maybe when they're older, you can try a relationship with them. For now, let it go. It'll only cause her to think you want her back. If you DO want her back, you will always be trying to live up to her expectations which, REMEMBER THIS, will never be enough. Good luck!
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