Finny89 Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 Hi, im an 18 year old guy in college and I met one of my now best friends in september when I started college. She's a roommate with one of my friends from secondary school so thats how I met her. I realised I liked her about a month after meeting her, but she had a boyfriend so I didnt tell her for ages. Then while we were on our Christmas hols I was texting her and at about 5 in the morning I finally told her. I started off by saying that there was a girl in my home town (so she wouldnt get suspicious because we are both from different places) that I was really good friends with and that I really really liked her but she had a boyfriend. I asked her if I should tell the girl or if that would ruin our friendship. She told me to tell the girl and if she was really my friend it wouldt change the friendship. After this I told her that she was the girl. I asked her if she hadnt had a boyfriend would there be any chance of us getting together, and she sed she really didnt know. About a week after we went back to college she broke up with her boyfriend, that was about 3 months ago now. I waited to see if shed bring the subject up but she didnt. Since the break up she has slept with 2 other guys but no relationship or neting, they were both one time things. Now Im confused becuz my feelings for her have become stronger and we're always texting if we're not together, but im too scared to bring up the subject again. Anybody have any ideas what I should do? I dont want to ruin the friendship by bringing it up again....
Flor Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 I would just leave it how it is. If shes messing around that simply means she doesnt want a relationship and thats what you want rite? You'll just hurting yourself
bejshermanoaks Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 Id personally have to know. Id just get it off my chest--send her an email "I just want you to know that now that you are single, Id love to take you out on a real date. I have strong feelings for you as a friend, and that seems like it could be the foundation for something even better. If you feel the same way about me, Id love to know. If you dont, Id love to know that to. No matter how you feel, your friendship is what I value and dont want to lose". Try it man--you have nothing to lose, and everything to gain--women love confidence, deliver that email with confidence man...
Author Finny89 Posted March 25, 2008 Author Posted March 25, 2008 Thanks to both you guys! Anybody else out there whos been in this situation before?
PRSun Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 Sounds like you're taking yourself out of the game by sitting on the sidelines. Listen, you're never going to know if you were right about this girl unless you try. Have you too hung out at all? Have you tried going out under the guise of friendship yet? At least step up to the plate and take a swing man. If you text her all the time then it should be no problem typing "U wanna hang out 2nite?" and see where it goes. Sounds like the attraction is already there, you just need the initiative to take command of the situation and "be the man"
ketostix Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 Yes I've been in your situation before. I think you already tried to show her you were interested but she just wants to be friends. The only thing that has worked for me in a situation like this was to start ignoring the girls and let her see me flirting with other girls. But I hate doing this. Well I'm new here so I'm looking for advice to for the same problem. How do you avoid just being friends with a girl and being something more without acting like a creepy guy that wants sex?
Author Finny89 Posted March 26, 2008 Author Posted March 26, 2008 Sounds like you're taking yourself out of the game by sitting on the sidelines. Listen, you're never going to know if you were right about this girl unless you try. Have you too hung out at all? Have you tried going out under the guise of friendship yet? At least step up to the plate and take a swing man. If you text her all the time then it should be no problem typing "U wanna hang out 2nite?" and see where it goes. Sounds like the attraction is already there, you just need the initiative to take command of the situation and "be the man" Ya we've gone out loadsa times, but with other frends aswell like. We've also hung out a lot, especially when we first met we were practicaly inseparable. We'd watch movis and both be on the couch and shed rest her head on my shoulder and throw a blanket over both of us, but stuff like that only happened for the first 2 months or so, then is was all normal friend stuff. We're on easter holidays from college now so I cant say wanna hang out tonight cuz she lives over 2 hours away driving, and I dont drive. Ive been thinking about leaving it a week or 2 and text her again some weekend saying I still feel the same way and is there any chance of us happening....
carhill Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 OP, do something novel like cutting contact. She knows how you feel but the lack of contact will throw her off-balance. Wait a sufficient amount of time and then call (not text) her and say "I'm going to xxx tomorrow night and I'd love for you to join me". What you need to do is unring the FZ bell and make her forget that you asked her if there was any chance of getting together. If her answer or tone do not meet your expectations, you have a decision to make. Being attracted to someone and being stuck in their friend zone sucks. Don't do it. If you can break the attraction and truly be a platonic friend, then do that. Otherwise, all or nothing.
Lovegod Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 I started off by saying that there was a girl in my home town (so she wouldnt get suspicious because we are both from different places) that I was really good friends with and that I really really liked her but she had a boyfriend. I asked her if I should tell the girl or if that would ruin our friendship. She told me to tell the girl and if she was really my friend it wouldt change the friendship. After this I told her that she was the girl. Congratulations, you have barfed your feeling onto her lap and she's disgusted by it. When you want a lover, the last thing you do is make a friend. However, that seems to be the FIRST thing you've done and now you're stuck in that friend rut. Getting out is damn near impossible. Attraction isn't something that can be turned on and off with just a few words. You need to make yourself attractive to the woman. You have to be interesting, exciting, and fun. Saying or doing romantic crap is NOT the way to attract someone. Romance exists to make an existing relationship better. I asked her if she hadnt had a boyfriend would there be any chance of us getting together, and she sed she really didnt know. You got rejected. When you get rejected, it's time to move onto other prospects. About a week after we went back to college she broke up with her boyfriend, that was about 3 months ago now. I waited to see if shed bring the subject up but she didnt. Of course not. She's not interested in you. You're not interesting. A woman will not create a queue of guys that want to go out with her. She is going to go for the guy who makes her the most excited! Since the break up she has slept with 2 other guys but no relationship or neting, they were both one time things. Those two guys were more fun than you. Now Im confused becuz my feelings for her have become stronger and we're always texting if we're not together, but im too scared to bring up the subject again. Cut contact and move on. Pursuing this woman, or even keeping in contact with her is a waste of your time and energy. The lesson you need to learn is: NEVER invest your emotions in a woman you're not having sex with.
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