How do you feel about this one ladies??

[Ebeleptik38]

Hey there...

 

So I woke up from a typical Friday night filled with drunken debauchery and headed out to one of my favorite places to get a good breakfast. After ordering I saw this gorgeous Asian girl and just felt like I had to at least try and talk to her...now usually I am very bad at trying meet women randomly when I'm out and about. I feel like I get tongue tied and say stupid stuff...hahah so every so-often I'll just overcome my shyness and bite the bullet.

Well anyhow I found a way to break the ice and we exchanged words for a bit and then she ordered her food. On her way out she told me to have a good afternoon. Now, I wasn't really concerned whether it was really a sincere friendly gesture or not, but more so the fact that at that point would probably be a good time to maybe ask her something more personal, like get her number or ask her out. But I decided not to and afterwards I kinda beat myself up for not approaching her, but my real point is....

 

Do you find it creepy when men approach you when your out to the grocery store/ gym/ mall/ restaurant...etc? Does it just come off creepy? (that's what I think I fear the most)

 

I find it harder and harder to meet women these days, and the bars/clubs just seem kinda hard to meet a quality person. Anyways I just thought I would try and get some feedback on this

[mortensorchid]

I don't see anything wrong with trying to chat with a woman someplace other than a bar or club. Think of it as trying to utilize all options. I can honestly say, I don't think I've ever been in a grocery store or restaurant and encountered anyone who's tried to pick me up, but I guess it could happen. I wouldn't find that creepy, unless you a dressed like a homeless person, are clearly high, or have a noticable stench.

[garnet]

That's a really hard thing to say for sure. I think it depends on any vibes or signals you pick up on. You can usually tell if someone is saying something to be polite or if there might be more to it. I think you did the right thing by initiating conversation with the woman in the first place. You can often tell by someone's response to that if they are interested in something more.

 

If you only sensed politeness from her and didn't pick up on a mutual interest, then you did the right thing by not pursuing it further. I think it's just one of those things that totally depends on the situation. You have learn to trust your instincts and go with what your gut tells you.

 

As long as a stranger was very polite about it and it didn't feel too out of the blue, I don't think I would find it creepy. And if I wasn't interested, I would just say no thanks.

 

My friend met her husband on the train in a situation like that. But they had been talking for awhile and flirting a bit before he asked her out.

[shanny]

I would be totally flattered. If their was an interest, I would give a guy my number and would then agree to meet in a public place and have my own car with me in case something went horribly wrong on the first date. I think it would actually be more promising than someone who tried to pick me up in a club. You know that most guys in a club are looking for sex, but in the morning at breakfast... I'd trust you a lot more because I would think you are intersted in me, not my lady parts.

 

Do it next time... and if she happens to be one of those people that might think it's creepy, then oh well.

[LucreziaBorgia]

It totally depends. If I am not out there to be picked up (doing mundane stuff like grocery shopping, clothes shopping, etc.), I find it creepy. If I am receptive and in an environment that is conducive to that I don't.

[Ebeleptik38]

Yeah...well I guess that's just something that a guy has to get used to, just putting himself on the line regardless the creepy feelings or rejection. Well anyhow I guess it doesn't hurt to try every once in w while

[Tyra]

I find it creepy when guys come to approach me sometimes, depending on if the guy seems like a sexual predator on the prowl. But it's totally fine as long as the guy knows what to say out of his mouth.

[serial muse]

It totally depends. If I am not out there to be picked up (doing mundane stuff like grocery shopping, clothes shopping, etc.), I find it creepy. If I am receptive and in an environment that is conducive to that I don't.

 

I agree with this...it depends a lot on if I'm in the right frame of mind for it. If I'm not, because I'm busy or distracted or running errands or just plain want to be left alone, I don't necessarily think it's creepy when a guy tries to pick me up, but I'll just be polite and distant instead of flirty. So yeah, sometimes it really just comes down to timing.

 

But I'm actually surprised sometimes when a guy doesn't read the "please leave me alone" signals clearly. This happened just the other day, and I admit that I was a bit annoyed about it, since I was definitely not doing anything even remotely "come hither"-ish. Considering the day I was having, I think I may have been scowling.

 

But didn't a study just come out last week that found that men tend to be far less adept at correctly interpreting facial signs of sexual interest - as well as lack of interest - than women?

Edited March 24, 2008 by serial muse

[AussieJack]

Do you find it creepy when men approach you when your out to the grocery store/ gym/ mall/ restaurant...etc? Does it just come off creepy? (that's what I think I fear the most)

 

I find it harder and harder to meet women these days, and the bars/clubs just seem kinda hard to meet a quality person. Anyways I just thought I would try and get some feedback on this

 

You fear REJECTION after a 'cold approach' right ! I can hear your head nodding from down here.. That means that you are FEARFUL about how women are assessing you right? That means that you are looking for women's approval and if you do not get it you will feel bad . Right ?

THis is BAD .very BAD !

 

Read this - it is what I did to cure myself of shyness and fear. This is what I call "target practise"..for men.

I went to the mall and made a deal with myself to 'cold approach' two women (any age) on the first day. I walked around until I saw a 20 something clerk in a shoe store standing by her register.. I just walked up to her and said something to her, 6 inches from her face -somthing "cocky and funny " - can't remember the exact words -it was many years ago,. SHe looked at me all bug-eyed with that look like . " I cant believe that you just said that to me ." I just smirked and walked away .

EVery time i walked past that same store for the next few years she waved or I called out to her. Big smiles and an occasional hug for AJ from then on.

 

The second chick worked in the coffee shop - she would be 25 years old tops.. I am asking her for my "lo fat, hi fiber soya latte ..." and I stop and say. "You old enough to work here. I wanna see some ID, you have a Blockbuster card ? "

Now that is real lame BUT it gets women LAUGHING and being FUNNY is the best dooropener I know.

 

THe key, gentlemen, is to practise becoming confident in saying whatever you think and feel. Be spontaneous - it transmits CONFIDENCE and BOLDNESS - always a hit with women. Nervous people FILTER their words hoping that each syllable will be APPROVED of by the listener - You need to say whatever, and not give a F**k..

 

Start today.

Edited March 24, 2008 by AussieJack

[Little Shy]

Aussie Jack, I think that if you approached me in any of your "great, funny & ingenious" ways you just mentioned & suggested to the OP, I would have punched you in the neck, then ran away as fast as I could.

You are setting a fine example for what most of us women would consider the "creepy" approach under these circumstances.

OP, I think the restaurant circumstances you just mentioned would be just fine to ask this lady out. You are very right in the respect that grocery stores, restaurants, video stores, might be opportunities to meet new people.

I don't know how many girlfriends of mine have joked that they don't want to go to Home Depot, or such & such grocery store with no make up on, or straight out the gym, for fear of looking like crap should they run into some smokin' guy there, in the produce section or waiting in some line, or whatever.

Just go for it darlin'. Life is too short to worry about missed opportunities. Just do it with some CLASS for gods sake. And for MOST of us, we can figure out what that means.

And then of course, just get used to the idea that a little rejection might be involved every now & then.

[Trialbyfire]

Do you find it creepy when men approach you when your out to the grocery store/ gym/ mall/ restaurant...etc?

If they're not creepy, I don't have a problem making small talk in a lineup (except in the morning, getting my first coffee) or something. When I get asked out in these situations and especially when I feel cornered, like in an elevator, it totally creeps me out. I don't date strangers.

 

Does it just come off creepy?

See above response.

 

Maybe it's better to get to know them for awhile, like chatting them up for a number of trips to the gym, etc., previous to asking them out. Better yet, why not take some classes of interest to you and see if there's anyone you might meet who has similar interests.

[AussieJack]

Aussie Jack, I think that if you approached me in any of your "great, funny & ingenious" ways you just mentioned & suggested to the OP, I would have punched you in the neck, then ran

 

Yeah I do meet a few boring humorless 30 year old spinsters occasionally - no biggie. Good luck metting guys at your Quilters Group.

[Little Shy]

Yeah I do meet a few boring humorless 30 year old spinsters occasionally - no biggie. Good luck metting guys at your Quilters Group.

AND if you knew me, you would know that I am the LAST woman to qualify as what you just described.

AND while we are poking at age MR. Down Under 50-60 yr old, ...aren't you on your way to a date with a 20 year old?

Better double up on that cologne & hop in your yellow Vette and get crackin' on that mid life crisis of yours....

[Green]

Creeping women out is great fun, and they are actualy alot harder to creep out then you think, it actualy creeps me out some times. I remember when I went to a pizza place with my friends. they were already in line and I stepped ahead of a group of girls. Then one girl who was really cute said I but them. I gave her a very lite push (as in what you going to do about it) and then just said no, These are my friends and were all ordering togather. As I was eating my pizza I was thinking to myself boy that chick is cute. So after I finished I walked up to the table where her and her friends were sitting and joked about the line butting thing and then asked her for her number... to which all her friends started telling me to go away and noo, but I could see in her eyes she wanted to give me her number so I was, Like no its cool we actualy went to the same High school so I was just hoping we could catch up... and then the girl was like yeah we did and wrote her name and number on a napkin for me. Plenty of things I did were creepy, like walking ahead of them in line to get to my friends (I mean I could have waited behind them I would have got my pizza in around the same amount of time, then I gave her the light push when she acused me of butting, and then I pretended that I had recognized her from HS so her friends would be quiet,,, she could have been like why are you pretending u went to HS with me!!!

[Ebeleptik38]

Well from the women's responses that I'm getting for the most part, is that men need to just not be a creep in the first place...hahha what if we're creepy and don't even know it? It seems that if you want to hit on a girl....regardless how confident you are, appearance matters the most. I'm sure a well dressed handsome guy could be shaking in his pants to say something to a woman he see that may be his only opportunity to make a pass at a women, and he could say the dumbest thing and maybe come off as being "cute" and "shy"...and then on the other hand a scruffy guy who is confident could say something quite smooth but still get the cold shoulder. *sigh* To me it's just starting to seem like a very brief version of a guy that needs to magically know what a woman wants, in the right moment with the right moves - not an easy read I must say. I know women enough to know that they like a guy who knows exactly what to do, without being told...

 

Well I guess at the fear of coming of like a "creep" Aussie jack is right...I'm sure more women are going to be weirded out, than flattered some complete stranger made a pass at them. But then again at the risk of all the guys that face rejection in the face and have no idea how "stlalkerish" they come off...I must say that I am confident enough and physically appealing enough to know that I can't come off that creepy...maybe shy if I can't get the right words out.

 

But you know what? Screw it...I can sense for the most part if a woman doesn't want to be bothered...I am not that socially unaware... so the next time I'm just gonna go for it...don't have that much to lose

 

Thanks for the responses, I'd love to hear more!

[Ebeleptik38]

I agree with this...it depends a lot on if I'm in the right frame of mind for it. If I'm not, because I'm busy or distracted or running errands or just plain want to be left alone, I don't necessarily think it's creepy when a guy tries to pick me up, but I'll just be polite and distant instead of flirty. So yeah, sometimes it really just comes down to timing.

 

But I'm actually surprised sometimes when a guy doesn't read the "please leave me alone" signals clearly. This happened just the other day, and I admit that I was a bit annoyed about it, since I was definitely not doing anything even remotely "come hither"-ish. Considering the day I was having, I think I may have been scowling.

 

But didn't a study just come out last week that found that men tend to be far less adept at correctly interpreting facial signs of sexual interest - as well as lack of interest - than women?

 

If they're not creepy, I don't have a problem making small talk in a lineup (except in the morning, getting my first coffee) or something. When I get asked out in these situations and especially when I feel cornered, like in an elevator, it totally creeps me out. I don't date strangers.

 

See above response.

 

Maybe it's better to get to know them for awhile, like chatting them up for a number of trips to the gym, etc., previous to asking them out. Better yet, why not take some classes of interest to you and see if there's anyone you might meet who has similar interests.

 

 

HAHAHA in an elevator...yeah see I think twice alot about whether I want to take my chances in places....but c'mon an elevator?! hahha I'm sure it happens, but I have rules that I go by.

 

Anyhow for the most part...how do you even get to know "them" for a while if they are a complete stranger? It's not like your gonna hang out at that same Starbucks and hope they come back another time in the near future, you'll probably never see that person again! So that's why it's such a thin line between trying to make that connection while not coming off like a creep and completely blowing it. Therefore there is a slight to none chance you can even have the chance to get to know someone, unless given a very specific scenario like the gym, school, library like you mentioned TrialByFire.

 

Personally I have thought about talking to a girl at the gym, but for some reason seems totally inappropriate to me. I'm not a shy guy, but at the same time it's really not easy to just approach a woman off the streets, but every now and then you someone that you just don't want to miss the opportunity with.

 

mmm I might be blabbering by now...I've had to come back to this response several times...apologize if it's not making sense. Trying to type while busy at work doesn't work too well. lol

[MsJJ]

I agree with it depends on the vibe. The only time I find it more annoying rather than creepy is when I am at the gym. That is mostly bc I had a few guys approach me when I was running away on the treadmill, and that was just annoying bc I was there to work out and it distracted me big time. But aside from that it really does depend on their vibe. If a guy is creepy then yes it is. I have had some convo's at the grocery store that secretly I hoped for the guy to ask me for my number. I have also had some where I am like please go away lol. So it really does depend.

Best of luck to you! Maybe you will run into her again