mortensorchid Posted March 23, 2008 Posted March 23, 2008 Here's a story that looking back on I still don't understand what happened or why things were the way they were... Three years ago, I met this man in FL who lived in IL. We had a LDR for nearly 2 years, and things were for the most part good. We had a few snags here and there, but nothing really out of the ordinary. I smoke, I smoked when I met him, and he didn't. He never directly said it, but he said that he would not consider this to be a permanent set up unless I stopped smoking. So, one day, I decided enough was enough and there would be no more excuses. So I went on the patches, and I QUIT. I had quit for about 6-8 weeks, and we were going to go on a trip overseas when he broke up with me on the phone just DAYS before we were going to go. He listed a viscious diatribe of faults. He didn't like my friends, he thinks all my friends and existence are trash, and he hated everyone and everything I stand for. Plus, he hated the fact that I smoked, and he was FURIOUS with me that I had quit smoking! I asked why he was so angry with me that I had at last quit smoking, he said it was because it took me almost two years before I even considered quitting and I should have quit on the first day we met. If that's not the stupidest thing I've ever heard, I don't know what is. So, we went overseas, having to spend every minute of the day together for a few days. Less the a year later, he met and married another woman. And, I decided to go back to my old habits. Apparently, if you do what others want, you don't get s---.
shanny Posted March 23, 2008 Posted March 23, 2008 What a jerk! It's too bad you still had to go on the trip with him. That must have been awkward, but I assume you went because it was already paid for. As a smoker myself, it is NOT something that's easy to quit, and if you would have tried to quit at the beginning you probably would have failed anyway because you weren't mentally prepared. I could keep writing about this, but the bottom line is that you are better off. It doesn't sound like a big loss to me. Good luck!!!
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 He listed a viscious diatribe of faults. None of which, I would bet were the primary reason he broke up with you. It sounds like he hid his true reasons in a bunch of excuses that make it look like your fault. Blame shifting and excuse making in break ups are all too common.
evoLve Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 Apparently, if you do what others want, you don't get s---. I don't understand this principle either. I used to argue with my ex all the time about things she didn't like about me and things I didn't like about her. It wasn't until I gave in changing for her, giving her what she wanted and reassuring her that everything was ok when she screwed up, that she broke up with me, also with a nice list of faults which were all bogus. I killed myself making her happy because I loved her so much, and it as well backfired. This sounds like something she would have said, as if its not good enough, as if you should have known better, as if it's not the most contradictory thing you've ever heard. I'm sorry you had to go through giving someone exactly what they asked for and having them get upset over it, it hurts and makes no sense. Go figure...
Author mortensorchid Posted March 25, 2008 Author Posted March 25, 2008 Well, I think it makes perfect sense in the end. Nothing I did or said was good enough for him. No one, in his mind, is right or as good as he is. And know what? He's right. He's completely right in that no one is as good or better than he is, because he's a cowardly piece of trash. And I'm just about to have another smoke.
blind_otter Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 TBH you shouldn't quit anything because someone else wants you to. You should quit because you know it's horrible for you and it's slowly killing you.
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