smokiejjj Posted March 23, 2008 Posted March 23, 2008 (edited) Hi, Well my story is that I have been separated from my wife for six months, and just finally we both signed the divorce papers and made a settlement. Six months ago after being married for 11 months my wife abruptly moved out on me. I tried to get her back. After separation I set up an appointment with the religious man that married us. She refused to go to the appointment and I had to cancel it. I set up marriage counseling but and she said she would go only to cancel the day before. I had no idea why she moved out so suddenly, we seemed a happy couple. We had fought a few times but I did not think it was anything out of the normal. About 2 months into the separation she called me and said she was feeling guilty. She told me, that while we were married she fell for another man in her class ( She was a full time student ). Anyways it did not work out with them. She took a job about 1 hour away from me after she was done with school, and we had been talking. The other guy and her did not work out and it seemed she wanted to get back together. I was interested but she did not want to move back to where I lived, and where she used to live. She wanted me to move to where she was ( by her parents ). I refused because first of all it would an hour commute to my job and I already work 10 hours a day. I did not want an 12 hour day. Also there is no work for what I do where her parent's live. However for her field there are plenty of places to work for her ( her mom couldn't wait to get me out of her life ). I don't dislike her parents but I was hesitant about moving close to them as the already have so much influence in her life. It always felt to me like there were 3 people in the marriage: her, me and her mom. Well that was it .. that was the sticking point, I refused to move and then that did it.. we signed the papers and that was it. I was lucky to get away with I guess I'm just trying to get on with my life now. Have been on a few dates and am using eharmony which seems pretty good for meeting people. I guess I'm more or less lonely now as I don't have family close to me and not a whole lot of friends. I just find it to be a sad situation. I do still miss her but I also know that I can't give up my life for someone - I know everytime I give in it leads to more and more giving in - until I have no say in anything. It is a shame. I wanted to lead a good life with her, I wanted us to make our own decisions together but it did not work out. Not sure why I'm posting.. just to get my feelings out I guess. Steve. Edited March 23, 2008 by smokiejjj
Ofleg7 Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 Well done for not dropping everything for her and for acknowledging that it didn't work. Good luck for the future
Author smokiejjj Posted March 24, 2008 Author Posted March 24, 2008 If she had moved back with me we could have talked about moving down the road. I would have moved later on after the relationship was rebuilt, but I just did not think it was a good idea to move without sorting things out. I felt that she was the one that moved out, and she was the one that had fell for another person. I felt that if she was honest about making it work she would have moved back in with me first. Her common argument was "well if you loved me you would move for me", or if "you loved me you would have called me every day to get me back". I just felt me doing this would lead to so many problems down the road, I simply could not give in to every demand, as I know I would be giving up my entire life.
THEBIGARC Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 I feel your pain. We went to MC and it only confirmed her need to leave me. We have a 4 y/o and it is hard for me because I have to have contact with her. Today was my 1st Easter in 6 yrs without her. I saw her and my son early in the morning then I left and went to my family's thing. It really sucks. I know it will be better. Time heals all things. It just seems like time slows down when you are hurting. You and I will make it through this. I am just afraid that I will never be able to find true love because of all the hurt I have been through.
Gunny376 Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 (edited) You did right! You did good! To thine ownself! Be true! Better to be Happy alone! Than Married and miserable! Edited March 24, 2008 by Gunny376
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