Author LoveLace Posted March 27, 2008 Author Posted March 27, 2008 (edited) What are you doing on these dates? Perhaps you could suggest something that you would like to do that would be fun. If you keep doing the same things over and over, you may not have an opportunity to see different sides of him. Also, what are YOU doing on these dates? Are you talking about yourself and your passions? Are you finding out about his passions? Are you flirting at all? Looking into his eyes? Do you say anything that he might laugh at? Maybe you two aren't compatible, or maybe you two aren't so good at 'dating'. Well there's only been 1 date. We went to a nice but laid back place to eat and we drank a beer. We both seem to talk equally about ourselves and equally ask questions about each other. I definitely made him laugh, hysterically at my stupid jokes without even trying to be funny. I can't say the same about him though, he talks but otherwise just kinda sits there. Anyway, we took a drive after that because we both wanted to get a look at some of the high flood waters around. Then we thought about going to a movie, but we had time to kill before it started, so we went to a different place for a couple more drinks and an appetizer. By then we were just ready to relax, so we went to his place with the intention to watch a movie but feel asleep on the couch (mostly I fell asleep...don't know that I would if I thought he was more fun)...and I did initiate the "flirting" finally at the 2nd place we went by scooting closer to him. I initiated holding hands after that...I'm always the one that has to take that next step, yet he seems totally ok with it. On the couch he had his arm around me which was "nice" but nothing special. He did finally initiate a small kiss when I left...which was also "nice" but again, no butterflies. This time our plan is to eat at a fish place he likes, then hit the movie we missed last time. I know it all sounds like it's great, but I struggle with picturing us as a couple cuz there was really nothing "playful" about the way we get along, although we seem to get along ok. His attitude is more "serious" than laid back....like his sense of humor, if he has one, is hiding. I can get along with Serious but I'm more attracted to guys who can be goofy and make me laugh. I also like it better when they make more 1st moves. I gave him like 5 hours together before I finally thought f*ck it and made the 1st moves myself....I don't know he might be too shy for me...I've always gotten along best with very out-going men because I'm outgoing too. My old boyfriend from high school was really shy, so shy that he wouldn't talk to my friends when I brought him around them. His excuse was "I just don't know them"...well DUH your supposed to make effort to change that. Since then I decided a shy guy wasn't for me, and friends tell me the same. They picture me with a funny, out going guy. But still, he's nice enough to hang out with at least one more time to see if he loosens up more. Edited March 27, 2008 by LoveLace
norajane Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 I also like it better when they make more 1st moves. I gave him like 5 hours together before I finally thought f*ck it and made the 1st moves myself....I don't know he might be too shy for me...I've always gotten along best with very out-going men because I'm outgoing too. My old boyfriend from high school was really shy, so shy that he wouldn't talk to my friends when I brought him around them. His excuse was "I just don't know them"...well DUH your supposed to make effort to change that. Since then I decided a shy guy wasn't for me, and friends tell me the same. They picture me with a funny, out going guy. But still, he's nice enough to hang out with at least one more time to see if he loosens up more. See, I would NEVER spend 5 hours on a first date. That's way too much time when you don't know each other yet. And I also wouldn't want him to be making moves on me on the first date, either. Maybe a small kiss good-night, but that's about it. So, I guess I come at dating from a different perspective than you do. This guy isn't your ex from high school. You don't know that he's shy - did he seem shy in terms of talking to the waittresses, etc. when you were out? Shy people are shy with everyone, not just on dates. If you don't share a similar sense of humor, that's the problematic thing I see. The rest is, well, a first date. Doesn't mean that's how it's going to be all the time. Especially if he is being polite and not wanting to be too aggressive or potentially offensive. You're right, though, some guys are outgoing and their charm is right out there immediately. Those guys are often the ones who lose interest pretty quickly, because they have such a wide spectrum of interesting women who are interested in them, too, due to that outgoing personality. I'd give him a chance and get to know him better. Although I don't know how much better you're going to get to know each other at the movies. That's not much of an opportunity to talk, laugh, or engage in something fun together. Why don't you go play darts or pool at a bar or something where you can have an activity you both enjoy and can talk?
NuTuDating Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 Just a thought, and maybe this has already been tried, but have you two just gone and had a few drinks together? I'm not suggesting getting drunk or wasted, but that can loosen people up a bit. Nice to see you're giving him a shot, though. It's tough overcoming shyness.
Author LoveLace Posted March 27, 2008 Author Posted March 27, 2008 Why don't you go play darts or pool at a bar or something where you can have an activity you both enjoy and can talk? I sord of already suggested this...I love to play darts and asked if he did, but he said no...said he used to play pool, but he didn't seem enthusiastic about that as something to do, either...it's like he has this attitude of "I don't do this or that anymore cuz it's all about my job and getting a house"...well those things are GREAT but it doesn't mean your supposed to stop having fun...it's like he thinks he's too good for those things or something, like he's too mature for that, that was when he was "younger and crazier"...gee what a rebel...He's a nice guy so I don't want to seem like I'm knocking him, but that's the impression I got when I brought up darts/pool. Nu, that's exactly what we did on the date, we ate and had a few drinks...and a lot of talking, but I think there's such thing as a little too much talking...it's like he almost talked me right into the friend zone...not that I wanted him to shove his tongue down my throat, but again his flirting skills were extremely flat..kind of like his personality..gosh I should stop while I'm ahead... The only reason the date lasted so long is because we started with lunch, so by the time we had done everything, it had been several hours, and neither of us had anywhere else to be..
Covonia Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 Lovelace, if I was 15 years older, I'd show you a good time with a nice game of darts and few beers.
NuTuDating Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 Nu, that's exactly what we did on the date, we ate and had a few drinks...and a lot of talking, but I think there's such thing as a little too much talking...it's like he almost talked me right into the friend zone...not that I wanted him to shove his tongue down my throat, but again his flirting skills were extremely flat..kind of like his personality..gosh I should stop while I'm ahead... There is such a thing as too much talking. You're exactly right. Wow, one of the more recent women I met and went out with wanted to talk on the phone for hours. By the time we got to the date, we pretty much knew everything about one another and she was unable to hold any further conversation. Very painful. She wasn't willing to play darts or pool, despite being at a restaurant where they were available. She kept saying "So... what else can we talk about?" It got old pretty fast. I do commend you on giving him another chance, not all women are so considerate or open. But he may just not be the one for you.
Author LoveLace Posted March 28, 2008 Author Posted March 28, 2008 I do commend you on giving him another chance, not all women are so considerate or open. But he may just not be the one for you. I'm wondering if Bill also, is just being nice by giving it another go...he kept the phone conversation short last night, today he hasn't called at all; it could be that he's just trying to save some anticipation for the 2nd date; and it isn't like you have to talk everyday just because you've had 1 ok date. But still, I wonder if we're having mutual uncertainty and afraid to say so...
Covonia Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 I do commend you on giving him another chance, not all women are so considerate or open. But he may just not be the one for you. I'm wondering if Bill also, is just being nice by giving it another go...he kept the phone conversation short last night, today he hasn't called at all; it could be that he's just trying to save some anticipation for the 2nd date; and it isn't like you have to talk everyday just because you've had 1 ok date. But still, I wonder if we're having mutual uncertainty and afraid to say so... It wouldn't surprise me if he has lost interest in you. Maybe he doesn't feel the attraction either.
NuTuDating Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 I'm wondering if Bill also, is just being nice by giving it another go...he kept the phone conversation short last night, today he hasn't called at all; it could be that he's just trying to save some anticipation for the 2nd date; and it isn't like you have to talk everyday just because you've had 1 ok date. But still, I wonder if we're having mutual uncertainty and afraid to say so... You know, one thing I've come to learn within the past few months that has helped me out BIG TIME is that a date is just a date, and the purpose of the date, besides to get to know someone, is to have fun and enjoy yourself. I wouldn't get too worked up (and you're probably not) about whether it works out or not. Just be yourself and have fun. I have begun relationships where the first couple of dates were awkward, but turned out to be pretty worthwhile. Good luck!
twice_shy Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 he he not all guys are into sports I know that...but something lacks in my attraction to him...something gives me a "whimpy" impression about him I can't help it! If that is your impression of him, move on.
Author LoveLace Posted March 28, 2008 Author Posted March 28, 2008 You know, one thing I've come to learn within the past few months that has helped me out BIG TIME is that a date is just a date, and the purpose of the date, besides to get to know someone, is to have fun and enjoy yourself. I wouldn't get too worked up (and you're probably not) about whether it works out or not. Just be yourself and have fun. I have begun relationships where the first couple of dates were awkward, but turned out to be pretty worthwhile. Good luck! I did have fun and enjoy myself...just like I would with any friend, so yea not too worked up about it
Author LoveLace Posted March 29, 2008 Author Posted March 29, 2008 So Bill and I haven't talked since Wednesday, when he said that he would call me Thurs. but never did. Our 2nd date was supposed to be tonight. But he called me this morning and left me a voice mail that he worked late and couldn't call, also said he couldn't make it out tonight, and that he would call me tomorrow! Cool, this is probably his way of dropping me... I've already started phoning it with a new guy that is HILARIOUS and much more masculine! Yay. Thanks for all your insight.
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