Advocate's Devilette Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 It sounds to me like SHE's not attracted to HIM. Well, she was the one initiating physical intimacy (handholding), not him. She admitted that.
Balthazar Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 OP, I really enjoyed you in that show with Tony Danza. If Dan or Bill is not doing it for you, I would be glad to step up and show you a good time girl!
Kiss Dont Miss Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 Three years ago, in DR.. I played pool with a sweet 25 yr old fashion photographer from NY... I was sure, by the way he dressed ('model' type, pointy shoes, eccentric clothes) that he was gay. Then one evening, (he was leaving around 4 the next morning) we had a drink at a bar.. he said he was attracted to me.. blablabla.. we end up having sex on the beach and in my room.. he was very 'masculine' in bed.. Just give him a few more dates if you're still interested.. you might have a surprise.. Lizzie, I think you are right. If you enjoy each other's company, have some more dates to see if there's any chemistry. Cheers, KissdontMiss
BlueEyedGirl Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 Well' date=' she was the one initiating physical intimacy (handholding), not him. She admitted that.[/quote'] It doesn't mean that she is attracted to him. Some people find some physical intimacy more comfortable than hours of dry conversation.
Timberlane Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 I know it makes me uncomfortable if a guy doesn't make a move on the first date. I prefer to get making out going fairly soon, but not sex as that's too much. Not getting a sexual vibe from him is a red flag, usually indicating there is not enough chemistry (and it's either there or it's not). I also know myself enough to realize I dislike feminine men (you might be the same), and what you described about this guy wouldn't sit right with me. I kind of prefer someone who will passionatly throw me down and have his way with me but then again I don't want to be treated like a piece of meat either. I think people like you and I get along the best. No pussyfooting and dallying about. I dated a girl a while back that had a strong attraction to me and I to her, but she kept turning down the heat again and again for some sort of controlling reason. Eventually, I had to bail. It was too frustrating.
Author LoveLace Posted March 24, 2008 Author Posted March 24, 2008 It sounds to me like SHE's not attracted to HIM. This is more like it...if he didn't like me he wouldn't have asked me out again for next weekend. Chances are he's just shy and/or respectable which is fine, however I've always been more attracted to guys that are not shy. He's a good-looking guy, there's just a whimpy thing about him that I don't know if I'll be able to get past..
Author LoveLace Posted March 24, 2008 Author Posted March 24, 2008 Again I admit that getting over someone else plays a factor, but even without Dan on the mind, I've always felt more physical attraction towards the more "manly" of men, plain and simple. Yes Bill has his sh*t together and he's clearly a respectable guy and all that, all things we should look for in a person, but if my physical attraction doesn't build up somehow, I'll feel like that major component is missing...if it doesn't happen I can't pretend I'm happy just because he's a nice guy with a good head on his shoulders. I'm sure there others with the same characteristics that I'd feel more compatible with, physically. Besides I"m not throwing it out yet, we're going out again next weekend and I look forward to seeing whether or not I feel differently...
Author LoveLace Posted March 24, 2008 Author Posted March 24, 2008 It doesn't mean that she is attracted to him. Some people find some physical intimacy more comfortable than hours of dry conversation. I enjoyed the hours of conversation...but I needed some type of affection to see if a spark was felt, so yes I initiated holding his hand. He had his arm around me on the couch where we both fell asleep in front of the TV. It felt "nice"...but that can feel "nice" with anyone...a "spark" is a different feeling which I haven't had with him yet....even the kiss was really just "nice"...but I'm keeping in mind that spark may not necessarily happen on a 1st date. I'm keeping an open mind about it because he is a nice person.
twice_shy Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 My date with Bill was very fun...but here's the deal: He's a land surveyer/home improvement kind a guy. Usually a "masculine" kind of job right? At 1st look, he's cute...but almost in a gay, really preppy kind of way. Sord of a "dorky" kind of personality, but in a cool way if that makes sense. We were together a few hours before we got even a little affectionate..which mainly I initiated..holding hands and such. After 7-8 hours together, we went back to his place to see if any good movies were on. Apartment is decorated like Home Makeover came in, a bit odd for a bachelor but ok; he does live alone. He decorated all himself. The bedroom was like, really sexy, with fire red being the main color scheme...hhmm..we cuddled on the couch and gave each other just a peck of a kiss...he didn't try anything more until I left, another tongue-less kiss at that. Absolutely nothing wrong with any of that, it was the 1st date after all...but I'm not getting much of a sexual vibe from the guy. I could totally be friends with him, though. He's not into sports or too much of what you might call "guy stuff"...we talked on the phone for over a week and we never once talked about sex or anything even close to it. No complaints here, no one wants to be a "piece of meat"...is it wrong for me to question the sexuality here? Maybe I have a small fear because in high school I dated a guy that everyone thought was gay, and I always argued it wasn't true. He and I both lost our virginity to each other, and a couple years later the rumor confirmed that he was in fact, definitely gay...guess I helped him know for sure LOL... All of this means he has a sense of style and simply doesn't like things like sports. I don't really like sports either. Why? Because to me they are just downright boring to watch. I do like basketball though because the action keeps going, unlike football where they spend most of their time getting ready for a play, and the play lasts a whole 10 seconds at best. And don't get me started on baseball *yawn*. But if it bothers you that bad about his home decor, then look for that manly man who has deer and bear heads hanging in his living room with a small fridge next to the recliner with nothing but budweiser in it and does nothing but watch sports. And here I thought a man that didn't watch sports was 1 step closer to being the perfect man for a woman.
Author LoveLace Posted March 24, 2008 Author Posted March 24, 2008 he he not all guys are into sports I know that...but something lacks in my attraction to him...something gives me a "whimpy" impression about him I can't help it!
Stockalone Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 If you got a wimpy impression of him, how do you expect to develop that spark? I am just curious, because people never grow on me, either I have that feeling or I don't. So I understand what you are saying about the "wimpy impression", but why the need to question his masculinity instead of simply saying: I didn't feel the necessary desire or he lacked the determination I expect/want from a guy to show me he is into me? Not every guy is the same, just as not all women are the same. If you are questioning his masculinity because he wasn't trying to get in you pants on the first date, then that sounds like a guy thinking: "I know I could have fu**ed her on the first date, she must be a slut."
norajane Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 maybe he just isn't "manly" enough for me? Probably sounds stupid..but that's what I've always gone for, the beer-drinking, car-nut or sports-nut kind of guy To quote Dr. Phil, and how's that been working out for you??? I enjoyed the hours of conversation...I'm keeping an open mind about it because he is a nice person. I would hope you would keep an open mind. What's not to like about a guy who actually COMMUNICATES with you instead of forcing you to leave notes on his car because he's ignoring all your attempts at communication, a guy who actually asks you out for the next date ahead of time instead of booty calling at the last minute, a guy who is nice to you and respects you...? You don't have the spark because you know where you stand with him - he's not forcing you into major anxiety. A lot of times we confuse anxiety with 'in love' and excitement. You should be looking to end up with a guy who makes you feel comfortable with him and relaxed, not anxious. Give it some time get to know him better. Chemistry can grow if you start to appreciate someone for who they are and how they make you feel...cherished.
Trialbyfire Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 To quote Dr. Phil, and how's that been working out for you??? how they make you feel...cherished.Love that phrase, nj.
Star Gazer Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 To quote Dr. Phil, and how's that been working out for you??? So true! You don't have the spark because you know where you stand with him - he's not forcing you into major anxiety. A lot of times we confuse anxiety with 'in love' and excitement. You should be looking to end up with a guy who makes you feel comfortable with him and relaxed, not anxious. My therapist said the same thing, and I couldn't agree more.
NuTuDating Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 I like playing sports, but hate watching them on TV. I play softball and baseball every summer. Watching it on TV just seems like a huge waste of time, though. Unless it's a big game, watching sports is not something I do. And I'm as much a T&A guy as the next. AND I have a leather couch and TWO leather chairs. AND I decorate better than any girl I've dated. At some point, you get past the posters and beer signs and mature a bit. And having the money to buy the nicer things, well, why continue to buy $5 posters and tack them to the wall? Having taste and/or class doesn't mean that you have to be gay. Give him another shot. Not all of us try to get into your pants on the first date... but we will eventually
Trialbyfire Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 I like "treasured" too. That's a good one too. The word "cherish" came up in a convo with a friend, awhile ago. At the time, I was feeling pragmatic and didn't appreciate the impact of the word. In hindsight, when couched in the phrase you used, it packs quite a punch to the emotional instinctive level. Taste the phrase lovelace. Savour it for all its fine nuances. Treat it like a fine wine, where bouquet and complex flavours, delight the emotional palate. Don't write off a gentleman. At minimum, you might gain a valuable friend.
Covonia Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 This is more like it...if he didn't like me he wouldn't have asked me out again for next weekend. Chances are he's just shy and/or respectable which is fine, however I've always been more attracted to guys that are not shy. He's a good-looking guy, there's just a whimpy thing about him that I don't know if I'll be able to get past.. Take your time and if you don't have any attractiveness towards him, then call things off. Shy doesn't equate to masculinity though does it? I've met Rugby players (my age) who are shy in person. I think you are attracted to the Billie Bob Thorton type of a man, a man's man as opposed to a more feminine and reserved Brian Molko. That's fine, we all have preferences, there's no need to beat yourself up about it.
NuTuDating Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 Take your time and if you don't have any attractiveness towards him, then call things off. Shy doesn't equate to masculinity though does it? I've met Rugby players (my age) who are shy in person. I think you are attracted to the Billie Bob Thorton type of a man, a man's man as opposed to a more feminine and reserved Brian Molko. That's fine, we all have preferences, there's no need to beat yourself up about it. Don't you mean John Wayne? Or the fat guys who're in all the beer commercials with the hot wives bringing them food trays and beer while they sit their fat asses on the couch? That sounds like that's what she wants.
Covonia Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 Don't you mean John Wayne? Or the fat guys who're in all the beer commercials with the hot wives bringing them food trays and beer while they sit their fat asses on the couch? That sounds like that's what she wants. She might want that, then again she might not. It depends solely on her and as for John Wayne? Perlease, every woman wishes James Dean was straight, because that man was sculpted by a thousand angels.
AussieJack Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 Hey Guys - I have been reading this thread and shaking my head at all the clueless replies. MEN ! Let me ask you - What is the formula for creating the circumstances in which a woman will WANT to rip your clothes off (or at least want to get physical) How do you GET a woman to fall for you emotionally and then sexually.. You give up ? OK here is the plan - Create ATTRACTION > Create COMFORT > FInd a safe place to ravage her..( or for her to ravage you) OK - a little more detail. You have to create that deep spark of attraction in her FIRST ,. That means being playful, being entertaining but COOL, acting confident and dominant. Be intriguing and mysterious (NOT spilling your life story on the first date ) - and so on. You need to "dial her up" by triggering off her emotions. You show her that you WANT her but not NEED her - and do it subtly ! Frankly it does not really matter what emotions you stir in woman - any will do. BUT make her laugh above all. Next - create COMFORT - show her that you are a strong confident man who is a ROCK - not some metro, not a wuss who seeks her approval. Show her that she is safe with you and you know how to shield her from the world if need be. How are you doing so far - ya feel me on all this, guys ? NOw lets stop here and go back and re-read the OPs post that started this thread . You will notice something - that little of what I have just written about happened to her on the date - no wonder she is not FEELING it for this guy. His behavior resulted in him creating too much COMFORT before he triggered that gut level ATTRACTION in her. This is the short route to the friend zone. Men ! ATTRACTION first, then COMFORT - in THAT order .
Author LoveLace Posted March 25, 2008 Author Posted March 25, 2008 Well I had enough fun to go out with him 1 more time at least. Nora I'm perfectly aware that Bill already has some good things about him that Dan didn't...that's why I'm willing to go out with him again, I never said I wasn't. What I'm looking for is more physical spark, not to feel like I'm "in love" with the guy. On a friendship level the chemistry is fine where it is. But chemistry can exist without physical attraction, chemistry is responsible for all good friendships. So I'm not ready to rule out him out as a "boyfriend" just yet...I'm hoping to feel a little more towards him next time..but if I don't, I don't. Yea it's not that I want a gross guy that sits in front of the TV belching 24/7. Dan, just for example, is very masculine but he's energetic and doesn't like to waste life away in front of the TV set, even though he is a sports junkie. He could care less if he misses a game, long as he finds out the score...I don't think it matters if the guy is into "guy stuff" necessarily...but being with him, physically, I like to feel feminine next to a guy. I've always been into men that are much taller and bigger, I don't Mr. Muscle, just bigger. If I don't feel feminine with him, I don't feel a sexual desire either. Physically, I do not feel feminine next to Bill, I just feel kind of, there...like you'd feel with someone who is just a "friend"...it's no longer about his dislike for sports or great taste for interior decorating...everything about him is great, but at this point I don't feel an energy that goes beyond friendship. There's a chance that it will change, I'm willing to find out.
AussieJack Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 ..everything about him is great, but at this point I don't feel an energy that goes beyond friendship. There's a chance that it will change, I'm willing to find out. Guys, read this comment from Lovelace a few more times - - What is Bill not doing right? Why isn't he doing what he SHOULD be doing to "dial her up" ? BEcause he does not KNOW what to do and how to do it. HE has created a little COMFORT without building ATTRACTION first and the result is that she is not "feeling it " for him at a gut level ..she just "likes him " , like a friend . NOte also how LL yearns to "feel it" for a man, a MANLY man (like Dan) Her words say it all about BIll " ..I dont feel an energy that goes beyond friendship" NO GUT ATTACTION ! And again .." I don't feel feminine ..with Bill " Because he is not MASCULINE in his actions.. I predict that she and Bill will go through the motions of one more date and then she will stick him in the FZ..
City_girl Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 I think you are spot on Auzzie. I think it's either there or it's not and it doesn't seem to be there, don' think he's gay tho, just a sweet sensitive guy who's trying to show respect, trying to take it slow and it's not working. Either way you guys aren't compatable because he's not reading you right and vice versa. My guess is he's a Pices?
MsJJ Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 Here are some 'signs' of his possible androgyny - *There are NO beerbottles in the trash OR in his fridge . *He drinks white wine with a sodawater chaser.. *He has a box of Kleenex on the nightstand and the box is inside one of those knitted covers handknitted by his mother. *Copies of Better Homes and Gardens on the coffee table. *The inside of his car smell like a pine forest. * Leather couch. *The remotes are all neat in a row. *You go to Starbucks and he orders "mocha ,choca, socka, hi fiber, low fat, digitally remixed, decaf, soy latte in an earthenware cup." *He invites you to a Tupperware house party. *He takes longer to get ready than you, and smells better. * He asks you for the name of your hairstylist. You get the idea ! ha ha ! :lmao: that was hilarious, esp the hand knitted covers from his mom. lol!
Recommended Posts