LoveLace Posted March 23, 2008 Posted March 23, 2008 My date with Bill was very fun...but here's the deal: He's a land surveyer/home improvement kind a guy. Usually a "masculine" kind of job right? At 1st look, he's cute...but almost in a gay, really preppy kind of way. Sord of a "dorky" kind of personality, but in a cool way if that makes sense. We were together a few hours before we got even a little affectionate..which mainly I initiated..holding hands and such. After 7-8 hours together, we went back to his place to see if any good movies were on. Apartment is decorated like Home Makeover came in, a bit odd for a bachelor but ok; he does live alone. He decorated all himself. The bedroom was like, really sexy, with fire red being the main color scheme...hhmm..we cuddled on the couch and gave each other just a peck of a kiss...he didn't try anything more until I left, another tongue-less kiss at that. Absolutely nothing wrong with any of that, it was the 1st date after all...but I'm not getting much of a sexual vibe from the guy. I could totally be friends with him, though. He's not into sports or too much of what you might call "guy stuff"...we talked on the phone for over a week and we never once talked about sex or anything even close to it. No complaints here, no one wants to be a "piece of meat"...is it wrong for me to question the sexuality here? Maybe I have a small fear because in high school I dated a guy that everyone thought was gay, and I always argued it wasn't true. He and I both lost our virginity to each other, and a couple years later the rumor confirmed that he was in fact, definitely gay...guess I helped him know for sure LOL...
compassion42 Posted March 23, 2008 Posted March 23, 2008 Honestly, the things that you mentioned don't sound particularly like red flags. I'd say give it some time and see what develops on the next date. Maybe he doesn't have a lot of experience or maybe he was not getting the vibes from you to go any further? Gosh and who knows, maybe he is just crazy or something and actually was trying to be RESPECTFUL? LOL. Seriously though, women tend to have a good "gay-dar" and should go with what your gut is telling you if the answers are not clear soon.
Covonia Posted March 23, 2008 Posted March 23, 2008 He doesn't sound very masculine, but then most modern men aren't overtly masculine in any way at all. If it makes you feel any better, I'm 50% masculine, 50% feminine. I went through a teenage phase of painting my nails, cross dressing, plucking my eye brows and waxing my legs. I then went out every sunday morning and played football, a masculine sport. I love art and poetry and literature of any kind, I find a lot of men to very handsome, though there's hardly any hint of sexual likeness to these men. Again this is not masculine, but very feminine, very homoerotic in some instances. But on the flip side, I love women, and love watching Rugby, two very masculine traits. I take care of my appearance, but I also love the rugged look, both highly feminine and highly masculine. I wouldn't read too much into it, he could be a bit shy and doesn't want to rush things. Be a bit more assertive with him and see where that gets you.
Author LoveLace Posted March 23, 2008 Author Posted March 23, 2008 Well the respectfulness from him was really sweet...it doesn't really make me think he's gay...but other things make me wonder if maybe he just isn't "manly" enough for me? Probably sounds stupid..but that's what I've always gone for, the beer-drinking, car-nut or sports-nut kind of guy. Nothing is wrong with something different, and I do still want to hang out with him and see where it goes. But for whatever reason, I question whether or not I'll ever feel "sexual" towards him...a person can be good-looking but you won't necessarily feel a physical vibe...I dont know maybe it needs time to grow but it's usually an instant thing with me.
Author LoveLace Posted March 23, 2008 Author Posted March 23, 2008 He doesn't sound very masculine, but then most modern men aren't overtly masculine in any way at all. If it makes you feel any better, I'm 50% masculine, 50% feminine. I went through a teenage phase of painting my nails, cross dressing, plucking my eye brows and waxing my legs. I then went out every sunday morning and played football, a masculine sport. I love art and poetry and literature of any kind, I find a lot of men to very handsome, though there's hardly any hint of sexual likeness to these men. Again this is not masculine, but very feminine, very homoerotic in some instances. But on the flip side, I love women, and love watching Rugby, two very masculine traits. I take care of my appearance, but I also love the rugged look, both highly feminine and highly masculine. I wouldn't read too much into it, he could be a bit shy and doesn't want to rush things. Be a bit more assertive with him and see where that gets you. thanks that makes me feel a bit better about it.
AussieJack Posted March 23, 2008 Posted March 23, 2008 I could totally be friends with him, though. .. Yeah, me too - I need some advice about my soft furnishings -my place is a train wreck - You get his card ?
Covonia Posted March 23, 2008 Posted March 23, 2008 Well the respectfulness from him was really sweet...it doesn't really make me think he's gay...but other things make me wonder if maybe he just isn't "manly" enough for me? Probably sounds stupid..but that's what I've always gone for, the beer-drinking, car-nut or sports-nut kind of guy. Nothing is wrong with something different, and I do still want to hang out with him and see where it goes. But for whatever reason, I question whether or not I'll ever feel "sexual" towards him...a person can be good-looking but you won't necessarily feel a physical vibe...I dont know maybe it needs time to grow but it's usually an instant thing with me. That's understandable, every one has different tastes, but remember one thing, looks can be deceptive, for all you know he could be an animal in the bedroom.
Author LoveLace Posted March 23, 2008 Author Posted March 23, 2008 Yeah, me too - I need some advice about my soft furnishings -my place is a train wreck - You get his card ? he he...I'm telling you, his interior decorating skills are way better than mine could ever be...
AussieJack Posted March 23, 2008 Posted March 23, 2008 he he...I'm telling you, his interior decorating skills are way better than mine could ever be... Here are some 'signs' of his possible androgyny - *There are NO beerbottles in the trash OR in his fridge . *He drinks white wine with a sodawater chaser.. *He has a box of Kleenex on the nightstand and the box is inside one of those knitted covers handknitted by his mother. *Copies of Better Homes and Gardens on the coffee table. *The inside of his car smell like a pine forest. * Leather couch. *The remotes are all neat in a row. *You go to Starbucks and he orders "mocha ,choca, socka, hi fiber, low fat, digitally remixed, decaf, soy latte in an earthenware cup." *He invites you to a Tupperware house party. *He takes longer to get ready than you, and smells better. * He asks you for the name of your hairstylist. You get the idea ! ha ha !
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 Haha... all I could think was... are you dating Ty Pennington? Seriously though. It could be that he is gun-shy when it comes to relationships, and he is looking for something more genuine than some hot casual sex.
Trialbyfire Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 If there's no chemistry, does it matter if he's of a different persuasion? He sounds like good friend material, if you're not interested. I would pursue this aspect, rather than the dating aspect. As for enjoying interior decorating, it's kind of cool that a man is concerned enough about his place, to do this.
Star Gazer Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 Here are some 'signs' of his possible androgyny - * Leather couch. What planet are you from? Nearly every man I know - VERY straight, T&A loving men - owns a leather couch!
AussieJack Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 What planet are you from? Nearly every man I know - VERY straight, T&A loving men - owns a leather couch! Have any of the owners of these REAL MEN couches taken you for a test drive on them ? Down here ,REAL men have the finest imitation crocodile leather couches with a cigarette burn here and there and some "mysterious" stain marks of the cushions ....He he !
BlueEyedGirl Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 I know it makes me uncomfortable if a guy doesn't make a move on the first date. I prefer to get making out going fairly soon, but not sex as that's too much. Not getting a sexual vibe from him is a red flag, usually indicating there is not enough chemistry (and it's either there or it's not). I also know myself enough to realize I dislike feminine men (you might be the same), and what you described about this guy wouldn't sit right with me. I kind of prefer someone who will passionatly throw me down and have his way with me but then again I don't want to be treated like a piece of meat either.
Lizzie60 Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 Three years ago, in DR.. I played pool with a sweet 25 yr old fashion photographer from NY... I was sure, by the way he dressed ('model' type, pointy shoes, eccentric clothes) that he was gay. Then one evening, (he was leaving around 4 the next morning) we had a drink at a bar.. he said he was attracted to me.. blablabla.. we end up having sex on the beach and in my room.. he was very 'masculine' in bed.. Just give him a few more dates if you're still interested.. you might have a surprise..
AriaIncognito Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 Have any of the owners of these REAL MEN couches taken you for a test drive on them ? Yes, indeed they have. :-) I dont think leather couch is a sign of homosexuality. I'm with SG on this one.
Author LoveLace Posted March 24, 2008 Author Posted March 24, 2008 Wow such good responses. It seems that some are in the same boat with me here (BlueEyedGirl), but it could also be too soon to judge for sure. It was a nice date though, he called today and we briefly recalled some memories of the night before. I at least think there's potential for a cool friend, yet I dont' want to be in a situation where I might string him along...that's where the concern lies I think...it isn't his fault if his soft side doesn't do it for me...still I think it's worth hanging out again at least once. I'm still getting over Dan too. I don't know when I'll stop missing him so that plays a factor. It's a physical spark that might be hard to top for a while. I've gone from one extreme to another on that level. Dan and I were drawn to each other almost instantly, yet my attraction grew over time..perhaps it can with Bill...I don't rule that out totally. After 1 good date, there's no reason not to have a 2nd one. Maybe the attraction can come through simply being affectionate..holding hands was nice. He does seem a little slow to warm up (not a bad thing) so there's time.
Advocate's Devilette Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 No, I've known a lot of men who were into decorating and making their home look nice. That is not unmasculine. Nothing you have stated would really be considered unmasculine. It sounds like he's really not that attracted to you, however. that's what it is. This does not mean he is gay by any means, it's just that your ego is a bit bruised that he is not coming on strong and you are having to do the initiating of affection. However he is not doing this because he just isn't that attracted to you most likely. That's all it is. Don't go making accusations on his sexual preferences simply because he isn't attracted to YOU.
Storyrider Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 It sounds to me like SHE's not attracted to HIM.
mortensorchid Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 I myself find it very noble of a man who doesn't want to talk about sex at all times with me. Especially someone who is a virtual stranger. Guys like to talk about it, and many women think that they are supposed to talk dirty with men to show them that they too are interested in sex. But, I like to find that men have other things to think about rather than get into my pants. Because, as we have all seen, men are complete pigs who pretty much will have sex with anyone willing.
AussieJack Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 Because, as we have all seen, men are complete pigs who pretty much will have sex with anyone willing. Ha ha ! You better look like a young Jenny Aniston (or the OP) and dance like J Lo and cook like BEtty Crocker if you want this pig to pork you -- oink !!
Star Gazer Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 I think you're comparing what you want/wanted (Dan) and who Dan was (an uber a-hole) to what's now before you (Bill) and what Bill is (the very opposite of Dan, a respectful gentleman with his sh*t together), and you're not satisfied because, quite frankly, he's not Dan. This is the typical bad-boys attraction, LL. If there were issues with Bill's sexuality, you would have picked up on it already, particularly through your numerous phone calls prior to even meeting. Not trying to get in your pants on the first MEETING, being respectful, taking care of his home such that it's nicely decorated, being interested in you and interesting himself, calling you the day after...these qualities should not make you question his sexuality. They should make you question why you'd ever want anything other than what Bill's offering (Dan).
2sunny Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 in answer to the original question - no - i wouldn't wonder at all from the things you have listed as your reasons for asking.
Trialbyfire Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 When you try to move on from someone, sometimes it's difficult to get the interest going with someone else, since you're still invested. While this guy might have certain traits you consider feminine, is this really the issue? I think Star has some good insights, that this guy isn't Dan, therefore, you're finding reasons not to be interested in him. Why not let this ride and see where it leads you? Sometimes rebounds do work out, although most often not. One date at a time, y'know!
Little Shy Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 I recently posted a thread on this same subject matter...I seem to frequently attract men who's sexuality I question, and some men that made big plays at me that I later found out were gay. I decided after my last couple dates with one such guy, that I was just going to take a pass. That is, pass on him, & any other guy who's sexuality I have to question. You have expressed that you are in to, in so many words, sporty & very traditionally masculine men. I feel the same way. That is the main reason I take a pass now on any metro sexual guy. I know that these metro guys might be a dream come true to some girls, but not for me. Maybe not for you either? Anyway, I have had a lot of guy friends that are in to designing, color, dress, painting, plants, flowers, facbrics & so forth, that I don't think are gay, but sometimes I have wondered. While I am not dating them though, I just leave them be on their sexuality, and don't try to analyze them. So, as I said, at the end of the day, if you just can't get the thought out of your head, and it's causing you to lose attraction for him, then maybe he is just not the guy for you. Don't even bother troubling over weather he is attracted to you or not. Someone mentioned to you they thought perhaps his not making a move on you was an indication that he was not attracted to you? I wouldn't bother worrying about that. He's asking you out, he's initiated kissing you, just get to thinking if YOU want to keep HIM around or not.
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