Perdy Posted March 23, 2008 Posted March 23, 2008 Last January I discovered my husband had been having an affair and the girl was 3 months pregnant. Our son was only 10 months old at the time. It was a very difficult year and could not contemplate dating again. However, I was introduced to a lovely man by a close friend. We had met a couple of times with the group of friends and since new year have been emailing eachother regularly. I sent him a gift for his birthday and he reciprocated by sending me flowers and inviting me on a date. We finally went out on friday, to the zoo then back for a takeaway at mine. He was a perfect gentleman throughout the day and we seemed to get on well, talking about places that we could go in the future, including going away to France for a short break together. He was also very caring towards my son, who is now nearly two. Once my son was in bed and we were alone we chatted freely and got on really well. and his body language seemed encouraging. Then he announced that it was time he made a move. He then gave me a fairly awkward and friendly hug!! ??? (what does this mean??) and said he would see me soon. Five minutes later I recieved a text thanking me and that he had really enjoyed the day (mixed messages). NOW FOR THE EMBARRASSING BIT!!! (Bearing in mind I had had a few glasses of wine). I responded to his text with " Me too, i wanted to kiss you to thank you, oh well, maybe next time xx". I am so embarassed, I really like him and I feel I have probably come across as too forward and scared him off, I am always too honest for my own good. I have not heard from him, it has been two days. Is he likely to get in touch??? I have bought a small gift and a card thanking him for a wonderful day which I plan to send in a coulple of days time, is this wise? I am expecting him at my sons birthday party next week, however might be very awkward between us now. Oh what to do?
garnet Posted March 23, 2008 Posted March 23, 2008 I don't think the text was that big of a deal given the date went well and you had been drinking. However, I strongly advise you to NOT send him the gift and the card. That is too much in my opinion. Let him do the chasing. He knows you're interested, so wait for him to contact you. When you see him at the birthday party just play it cool, do not apologize for the text or ask him why you haven't heard from him. Be friendly and open, but be careful about coming across as desperate. There's no reason to rush things.
Author Perdy Posted March 23, 2008 Author Posted March 23, 2008 Thanks for that. Are you sure about not sending the gift. The guy is fairly wealthy and apparantely has been used a lot by women in the past. I just wanted to show that I wasn't like those other women.
garnet Posted March 23, 2008 Posted March 23, 2008 You don't need to prove anything by sending gifts. You said you just sent him a gift for his birthday, that is more than enough. You will just seem like you're trying too hard, and that's never attractive. You've been out on one date with this man. He knows you like him and are attracted to him, now the ball is squarely in his court. Don't obsess over him and keep busy with your own life.
compassion42 Posted March 23, 2008 Posted March 23, 2008 Yeah, I'd skip the gift too and I'd wait until he contacts you before any furter attempts. What you texted him was cute and fine-don't stress about it! Just let him take the time he needs and I bet he'll be in touch very soon.
AussieJack Posted March 23, 2008 Posted March 23, 2008 He then gave me a fairly awkward and friendly hug!! ??? (what does this mean??) and said he would see me soon. Five minutes later I recieved a text thanking me and that he had really enjoyed the day (mixed messages). I am lost . Where are the "mixed messages " here ? HE spent a day with you (good interest level ) Came back to your place ( interest level stayed up ) HE hugged you and said "see you soon " ( again - rising interest level) and then sent you a text - another indication of elevated interest level. Entirely consistent behavior so far on his part. You have passed the first audition. Now WAIT for him to ask you out. Now I will give you a TiP. DO NOT play any of those juvenile "hard to get" games that women love - they do not work in the long term -they irritate men.
Author Perdy Posted March 25, 2008 Author Posted March 25, 2008 Thanks guys, I hope you are right! Still no call though. What is a reasonable amount of time to wait for the call after a date, before giving up hope??? I recieved an Easter card from him on Saturday which he obviously posted before the date. Am I supposed to acknowledge this or continue to sit tight? I don't want to appear rude. I am so out of touch with dating since I was married for 6 years and when I met my husband I was in my mid twenties and I feel far more vunerable now, after my husband's infidelity. My date did tell me how traditional he is, for example, he doesn't think that women should have to work if they don't have to, so am wondering if he didn't approve of my text. I think my main worry is that I misread his body language and he wasn't interested in me romantically at all, in which case I will have successfully have made the poor man very embarrassed and I have jeopodised any kind of relationship with him. AHHH feel like I am a teenager again!!
carhill Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 He'll contact you within the next week. Sounds like a great beginning, with emphasis on beginning. I'll bet you find his style much different than your X's, yes? I am interested in how you interpreted his body language? Other than a lack of a full-on kiss, what about his behaviors/body language indicated low romantic interest? I agree with AJ, wait until he asks you out and, additionally, be sure to be mindful of your schedule and, if a conflict, offer him options. A lady's life is full too
Mary3 Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 I suspect the awkward hug was given because he does not have alot of experience with women. Hence the text : afterwards , as opposed to an email or a short phone call. When you said " I wanted to kiss you " I think you are dealing with a shy man who does not know what to do next. Surely he could feel he wants to do the persuing. The ONLY thing you can do at this time is wait. Wait for him to call but keep your life busy. Go on other dates , go out with friends. He may never call. He might. Don't hinge your life on that phone call. He might feel it from you and be nervous.
Author Perdy Posted March 26, 2008 Author Posted March 26, 2008 Thanks Guys for all your help. An update-Well he did get in contact, an email then a phone call. I had something to celebrate yesturday and he turned up with a great bottle of champagne and we had a really lovely evening. More very promising body language and took ages to actually leave once he said he was going. Basically I think you are right, he is very shy and I just have to be patient- he is definately worth waiting for though. I'm seeing him again on sunday for the party so I'll just have to wait and see what happens but feeling alot more positve! Legend, I completely disagree with you. This man is definately not a rebound. I have been separated from my husband for over a year, in which I got my head together. I would definately not take him back under ANY circumstances. I spent a year having therapy and I am now in touch with the values, moral grounding and qualities that I consider essential. I am an intellegent lady and I am not about to make the same mistakes again, let alone mess my child about. But thank you for you opinion.
AussieJack Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 (edited) He'll contact you within the next week. Sounds like a great beginning, with emphasis on beginning. I'll bet you find his style much different than your X's, yes? Yep - if you women want an opinion on what a guy is thinking and feeling, ask another MAN. Carhill told you that he would contact you .. And then your new guy DID call you, just like Carhill predicted.. and he saw you too. and you both had a nice time..! Ahh!! you gotta love happy people being happy together .. Edited March 26, 2008 by AussieJack
The Collector Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 This guy sounds wet and will be rubbish in bed. But I'll guess he'll do as a step-daddy for your kid until you get bored and get swept off your feet by your ex or similar again.
carhill Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 He may very well be "rubbish in bed" but the OP's attraction level is rising and she appears to see his style as compatible. Likewise, he appears to be attracted to her in his own way. Time will tell. The heavens weren't made in a day
Recommended Posts