beta Posted March 23, 2008 Posted March 23, 2008 Today I am angry. I have been living in hope and despair for the past 3 weeks. Today I am *** mad! I have written him a letter. I won't send it to him...so I'll post it here. (Name), you lying, manipulating selfish aloof bastard! You had me believe your hopes and dreams for us, promised not to hurt me, broke down my walls of protection, welcomed my vulnerabilities and walked right out on me! You're too caught up in your own damm self righteousness and use that lame heartless excuse to justify your position. I gave you the status of King and you turned and slayed me! What's worse-you now just don't care! I layed it all out for you...explained in detail what was to come. You answered with conviction that you would be there and then "changed your mind" AND carried on like nothing ever was! You lurred me into a cage of lions and snakes and promised to be there with me ...then you left! Bearing no regard what so ever on the devastating effects of leaving me to fight for my life. You are not good or honorable in your actions. You were lazy and selfish and those actions are deadly. Your lack of awareness and compassion make you quasi inhumane. You are like a demon in diguise. There are no words to describe this ultimate betrayal. Ultimate because I gave you the honor of holding my heart bare in your hands. Now you stand there sqeezing it dry--smiling as the blood runs through your fingers. Disgustingly pleased with your actions as they are justified by your own selfish reasons. Your actions are muderous and bare consequences greater than you care to comprehend. You have spent a lifetime convincing yourself that you are unworthy of love. When pure, unconditional love was offered-you fulfilled your self professies and killed it. At my expense. ---
Shindig Posted March 23, 2008 Posted March 23, 2008 Wow, so sorry. Nice willpower on not sending that to him. NC will hurt more if there's anything in him that still cares. Good luck on the recovery.
Far Behind Posted March 23, 2008 Posted March 23, 2008 Awesome letter, and you are right not to send it. It could have been written by many of us here, I'm sure. I am fighting my own urges to send a letter today. I just came from the bookstore where I bought "Don't Call That Man" and "Men Who Can't Love." A little light reading for Spring Break.
loveralone Posted March 23, 2008 Posted March 23, 2008 Wow, that is a great letter! I also wrote one to my guy this morning that I've been tortured with not sending (he has my email address blocked anyway, so he would never read it even if I did send it...) But I think this is a great thread for bearing my soul! Here is my letter: T, Do you remember that morning in "Oscar's Room" when you asked me if I still loved you? Do you remember what I told you? That every night we were together, I woke up in the middle of the night and would whisper in your ear how much I loved you, how much I would love you forever, and I kissed you so gently so as not to wake you up...Do you remember what you said to me when I told you that? You said that was the most incredible, "beautiful" thing you had ever heard, and, with tears in your eyes, you asked me to never stop loving you, and to never stop reminding you how much I love you, even if you couldn't hear me... You can't hear me now, and I know you will never even see this, but I wanted you to know how much I still love and miss you. I miss you more than I've ever missed anyone or anything in my entire life! I crave the sound of your voice, the warmth of your bare skin next to mine, the touch of your hands, the way your lips feel pressed against mine... I miss the look in your eyes when you were feeling passionate, and the gentle way you would say my name. I miss feeling safe in your arms...It's been one month since I've last been in your arms. I can still feel the place on my neck where your lips brushed against me. I can still hear your broken words; "I love you so much...I can't imagine my life without you...Oh, God, what am I doing...!?" I still whisper in the night how much I love you, only you're so far away now, you'll never hear those words again. I would give anything for one more moment with you...just one more, my love. Just one to remind me why I fell in love with you. Just one to remind me why I can't stop loving you, why I promised you forever....I hate that I gave you my forever. I hate that I can't stop loving you! I don't want to love you anymore! I just don't know how to make it stop. You still have my forever...
bejshermanoaks Posted March 23, 2008 Posted March 23, 2008 These letter are beautifully written. Loveralone, Im a grown man and your letter brought tears to my eyes; its simply gorgeous. I fell in love with you from that letter! lol I miss my ex so much and I totally understand. She dumped me because I took her for granted, and she was right. I think, "if she only could be inside my body for 5 minutes,and could feel the love I have for her"...I wish I could give her this "body ride". She'd know and feel how much love I have... Its so very hard, and more power to us for having hearts and feelings that we can express... much love to you all...
loveralone Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 Thanks, Bej...Today was one of the most difficult days for me so far. I would love to think that one day those of us with this much passion and love to give will be rewarded with someone so much more deserving of our love than the one's who have left us so broken...What a great reward that will be!!! much love to you, as well...
bejshermanoaks Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 Yeah lover for sure--for sure..Im sorry your day was hard; I really am... Hey remember this quote "sometimes we have to go through hell to get to heaven"...you're on your way to heaven my love
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