brenda collins Posted March 23, 2008 Posted March 23, 2008 right, so I ended up seeing him last night, he turned up at the bar we were at. He was very cold with me,some girls he went sking with turned up (apparently it was a coincidence) and he left with them. I text him this morning to ask him what the **** was going on, which I should have done ages ago. This is what the series of texts went like: me: What is going on with us? Last night was weird. eight month boy: why was it weird? me: ur just not urself recently, this situation with us is getting ridiculous. I want it to be normal instead of you barely speaking and dissapearing. I dont understand why u made such an effort with me for so many months and now all of a sudden dont seem to care anymore. eight month boy: I didn't dissapear why do you think that? Im sorry I have been off its just cause I dont want to keep leading you on when I dont want a relationship of any sort. I dont mean to be harsh but I thought the only way to keep you as a good friend was to distance my self now so you dont end up hating me later. me: Why did you not just tell me that from the start? Instead of stringing me along for months? Plus why did u invite me over to ur house on sat? Why did you even get involved with me? u have been so unfair to me its a joke. eight month boy:I havent strung you along at all I enjoy speaking and being with you but at the moment it is not going anywhere so I think its unfair to start stringing you along! I invited you over to see you but it seems stupid that we just see each other over holidays! me: That was ur choice, I told u there was no point from the start but u kept calling and wanting to be involved. me: The way I see it, u strung me along, used me and were a complete dick. Im just sorry I let u. I thought u were a nice guy but I was so wrong. Im not interested in being ur friend or ever speaking to u again. I wasted enough of my time on you. eight month boy: I think that is very unfair! and not at one point did u say no. I never strung you along in not like that! I enjoy talking to you and was generally interested in you but now i just dont see where it is going. Im sorry but I think ur being slightly rash! me: I told u from the start not to mess me around. u completely strung me along. u obviously knew u wanted no more than a bit of fun all along. How could I say no, I tried, u were the one that chased me from the start, even though I had a boyfriend. i hardly made any effort with u, i told u at christmas I wasnt happy with the situation and u still kept calling and being involved. u obviously dont give a **** about me, ur happy just to walk away the minute i complain about ur behaviour. Why would i want to bother with someone who doesnt give a **** about me. u ****ed up and u know it so stop making excuses. me: Also, u cant just decide when u want to be involved and when u dont with no consideration for how I feel. Im so ****ed off with u its unreal.Iv had my fair share of *******s but ur probably the biggest one. eight month boy: I think ur being seriously unfair and I have been honest with you. I am not an ******* i just dont want a relationship so i see no other option. It would be unfair if I kept stringing you along! me: If u didn;t want a relationshp then what did u want with me? Thats what I dont understand. u should never have got involved with me in the first place, and u should have stopped being involved with me months ago. Fine I didn't say no, but because I made it clear I was not up for messing around with u. I thought u realized that?? no reply me: And it took u six months to realize u didn't want a relationship?? no reply Im gutted. what do u guys think?
benevolent one Posted March 23, 2008 Posted March 23, 2008 ummm.. im no professor or anything... but id say.... he just wants to be friends and you want more and wont accept what he is trying to tell you.. accept it and move on.
Author brenda collins Posted March 23, 2008 Author Posted March 23, 2008 I have been seeing this guy for eight months, we were involved sexually and friendship wise. I made it clear to him that I was not gonna just be his **** buddy, and thought he knew that. He always assured me that he realized that and kept telling me we would see what happened, but never ended up commiting. Its taken him eight months to realize he didn't want a relationship??????????
blind_otter Posted March 23, 2008 Posted March 23, 2008 Its taken him eight months to realize he didn't want a relationship?????????? Quite possibly. According to him, per what you wrote above, he distanced himself because he realized he might be stringing you along. he realized it wasn't going anywhere, so he decided to stop interacting with you as intensely as he had in the past. People don't always move along to a schedule that we find appropriate.
benevolent one Posted March 23, 2008 Posted March 23, 2008 I have been seeing this guy for eight months, we were involved sexually and friendship wise. I made it clear to him that I was not gonna just be his **** buddy, and thought he knew that. He always assured me that he realized that and kept telling me we would see what happened, but never ended up commiting. Its taken him eight months to realize he didn't want a relationship?????????? right , but just because you told him you didnt want to be his **** buddy, that doesnt mean he didnt want you to be his **** buddy. of course he is going to assure you thats not the case. if he put it to terms then he wouldnt get what he wanted. honestly tho its never going to turn into what you want. find someone who wants to be with you.
Balthazar Posted March 23, 2008 Posted March 23, 2008 Brenda, I think you were projecting your desires on this guy. If a relationship is going to get serious, it gets serious quickly, and not over 8 months. The fact that you posted about the situation in the first place meant that you knew things weren't right. And that how it usually goes; If something doesn't feel right, it's usually NOT right. An important lesson for all of us. When it comes to matters of the heart, you have to judge people by their actions, never their words. Don't worry, many guys out there, and you are young Cheers
Author brenda collins Posted March 23, 2008 Author Posted March 23, 2008 I need complete closure from this, im not gonna have any contact with him anymore. Before I do that, i feel i need to send him an email explaining exactly why i am so hurt and angry. I know i semi explained in the texts but i want him too see it all clearly laid out. anyone care to compose an email to this guy, before i cut all contact with him.
Balthazar Posted March 23, 2008 Posted March 23, 2008 Compose it if you like. It will change nothing. If he doesn't feel sexual attraction for you, you could compose 100 emails , to no avail.
konfuzd Posted March 23, 2008 Posted March 23, 2008 I have been seeing this guy for eight months, we were involved sexually and friendship wise. I made it clear to him that I was not gonna just be his **** buddy, and thought he knew that. He always assured me that he realized that and kept telling me we would see what happened, but never ended up commiting. Its taken him eight months to realize he didn't want a relationship?????????? It seems to me that it was pretty cut and dry that this guy was only after one thing. He told you he would "see what happened" but you kept giving it up to him and putting him in a prime position where he was getting no strings sex from you. It didn't take hom 8 months to realize he didn't want a relationship. It took YOU 8 months to confront him with it. If you are really looking for a relationship with a guy, you need to make this clear before you sleep with him. Both of you are responsible for your heartache right now. He did take advantage of the situation. He knew you wanted more, but as long as you were still giving it up, and didn't have to give you more, he rode it out as long as he could. You need to stick to your guns, if you want something. You can't say "I want a relationship, but I'll keep having no strings sex until you change your mind". It doesn't work that way. You can't expect to screw a guy into a relationship. Sorry you are going through this, but I say chalk it up to a learning experience, and make sure you are on the same page with someone before you get nekkid with him.
kikikiwi Posted March 23, 2008 Posted March 23, 2008 I think absolutely no more contact between you and him since he doesn't care about you. Just get your own personal closure; he's not even worth your time to email/text/call. He probably wouldnt even care if you did try to contact him. I agree with konfuzed, just let this one go and learn from it.
xpaperxcutx Posted March 23, 2008 Posted March 23, 2008 BC, stop writing him already. Deep down you knew that he never wanted a relationship to begin with, but I applaud you that you confronted him on his actions. I've told you before to delete his number and just move on, so stop texting or writing him. Why are you still trying to guage a response from him? You've made your point across. There is no reason whatsoever to explain to him any further how hurt you are, I doubt he really cares. Just move on.
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