KidEternity Posted March 22, 2008 Posted March 22, 2008 (edited) Hey everyone I am looking some advice, I have been going to clubs pretty regularly lately and I was just wondering how on earth you can meet a girl without coming across as a sleaze... ...because lately my friend and I (who considers himself a bit of a 'player' have been going out and we've been making out with girls, and I really don't want it to go any further because I'm kinda looking to find a girlfriend right now and not just random casual sex like him) Anyway I've about 90% given up hope on finding my 'dream girl' right now (someone like Miss Honey from Matilda if you want to know) and am just looking to find someone to connect with a spend time with.... so any advice on meeting women in clubs/bars and actually forming a relationship out of it? I am probably quiet sincere and am never dishonest and I am just myself around the girls I meet but they aren't the kind I'd like to form any sort of relationship with.... any advice would be welcomed and appreciated Edited March 22, 2008 by KidEternity spelling mistake
Lauriebell82 Posted March 22, 2008 Posted March 22, 2008 Generally looking for a relationship at a club or bar is not the best idea. I met a guy at a club once and it turned into a relationship which lasted 2.5 years. And it seemed okay, he wasn't a sleazy player or anything, but he did turn out to be a total a-whole and i'm sorry I wasted all that time with him. Of course you are bound to meet the wrong types of people anywhere, but the majority of guys that I have met at a club are not relationship material. Now, since you are a guy some girls who go to clubs are nice girls (I used to go a lot and I'm a relationship-type person), however there are a lot of slutty girls who usually frequent clubs. And it's a good place to ditch your bf and meet other guys. Now this is just a generalization, there are always those nice girls who go to clubs, but the chance that you will meet a decent girl to have a lasting, healthy relationship with are pretty low. There are lots of other places to meet nice girls: bookstores, cafes, the gym (where I met my bf), places like that. And then meeting someone at those types of places is nice because you have things in common (you both like to read, work out, ect.) If you are past the whole "random hookup" type thing, my advice would be to look somewhere other than a club for a girlfriend.
Green Posted March 22, 2008 Posted March 22, 2008 Heres my theory on meeting girls in clubs... atleast the clubs in my area. First off people have really high expectations, You know like when you go into a movie thinking its going to change your life, but then the movie is good but still let you down so you tell people it stank. Some people have a really hard time finding some one to connect with romanticly weather its talking to people at the library or at a club, so when they go to a club or bar expecting to meet some one and don't they are really let down because socializing was the main reason for going out, unlike say the library or gym. Other then that who knows who your going to meet at a club, could be a girl who likes to go out dancing with her friends on the weekend, could be some guy who never goes out to clubs but his friend from out of town is visiting for the weekend and dragged him out. Clubs and Bars do have some what of a stigma, If your a guy maybe you were a little drunk when you got the number, if your a girl maybe you gave the number out and now are having second thoughts wish you didnt. But like the other poster said, once you start a relationship go out on a few dates, the club thing is in the past, just the story of how you met. And yes there are both men and women who go to clubs just to make out or have casual sex. In the end I only recomend going to clubs if you enjoy the experience. If its painful for you, instead of a fun night out then I recomend doing something else. And I think during the week the cute women you see shoping at the stores you go to, or that are members at your gym, are a better sucess rate, then if you encounter them in a night club/bar setting
Author KidEternity Posted March 28, 2008 Author Posted March 28, 2008 A little update Well I've met a past girlfriend at the gym and that went well, but I did actually meet a pretty cool girl at a bar the other night. I do like going to clubs, not my favorite thing in the world but they are fun enough! Anywhoo I was driving so I wasn't drinking and I only really went out because my mate wanted someone to go with and I was slightly depressed because I though me and my long hair didn't really fit into this club because I was getting some looks! Anyway I was standing sipping my Coke when I saw her! She walked by with a few of her friends and she just seemed like one of those girls I had to talk to, she had long curly brown hair and she had like a Disney bag and I knew I had my chance So when she walked by she smiled at me and I smiled right back. So anyway about 15 minutes later I was walking back into the Club from the Bar next door and wasn't really paying attention then smack, guess who I bump into! And I apologised of course and offered to buy her a drink she said yeah and so we basically went into the Bar and had just talked for a while about movies and a bunch of stuff and joked about, then we exchanged numbers and we both went on our way, didn't do anything at all, was kinda flirtatious obviously but I didn't try anything sleazy like I have been doing, anyway she gave me a hug and she had to go to get a taxi with her friends. So anyway I was happy with that, I was going to text her, then I get a txt from her! "Hey RJ, it was cool talking to you, would you like to go see a movie on Sat?" and I of course was like Hell Yeah! So it is possibly to meet a nice girl, unless she turns out to be a bit of a nutcase but we shall see tomorrow night! Ha ha. so
DanielMadr Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 Hey everyone I am looking some advice, I have been going to clubs pretty regularly lately and I was just wondering how on earth you can meet a girl without coming across as a sleaze... ...because lately my friend and I (who considers himself a bit of a 'player' have been going out and we've been making out with girls, and I really don't want it to go any further because I'm kinda looking to find a girlfriend right now and not just random casual sex like him) Anyway I've about 90% given up hope on finding my 'dream girl' right now (someone like Miss Honey from Matilda if you want to know) and am just looking to find someone to connect with a spend time with.... so any advice on meeting women in clubs/bars and actually forming a relationship out of it? I am probably quiet sincere and am never dishonest and I am just myself around the girls I meet but they aren't the kind I'd like to form any sort of relationship with.... any advice would be welcomed and appreciated Dont drink or at least dont get drunk. Be at ease. Have fun. When you find someone interesting, chat a little, do some dancing, ask for her number. Have fun. Call her another date and ask her out. Be aware of serial daters, AWs. You can meet some decent people in clubs and some not so decent, just filter it good. Dont buy drinks.
FormerNiceGuy Posted March 29, 2008 Posted March 29, 2008 (edited) I wrote this article in another forum. But here goes. The tips to clubbing. One thing that you must understand about women in clubs is to not take things personally. The truth is, if you met this girl at a library, a grocery store, a classroom, Jamba Juice, or through her friends, you’d have a much higher probability of her actually talking to you and getting to know you. If you saw her in a park and you talked to her, she probably would hear what you have to say. But in a club, she changes. She has to put on a “bitch shield.” Basically, a woman is at her worst in a club. She has to, because she’s not going to sleep with every guy there. So what does she do? She puts on a bitch-shield. So the next time you think that the girl is a bitch, just remember that clubs are not the best place to really get to know a person. She can’t figure out what kind of person you are through all the blaring music. So don’t take it personally, and play the whole thing as a game. Dress to impress, always try to over-dress for the occasion. Women almost always assume that the best-dressed men in the building are the most successful/highest paid. It is always better to be overdressed than underdressed. Stand out from your competition. Flirt with all the women. What really amazes me is that these guys don't even flirt with women. They just stare into space or look down at the floor. If they actually do catch the eye of a woman, they look away as quickly as possible and let it go at that. Never let her see you standing still Never just stand around scoping out the club for girls to talk or dance with. If they see you doing this you might as well go home. Night’s over. Make your move! The sad truth is that most guys in bars and clubs don't approach any women at all. They'll stare at a woman from afar, imagining something happening with her, but never actually do anything. Or they'll linger around her, hoping that they'll bump into her and she'll be forced to talk to them. Or, even worse, they think up a million reasons not to approach ("She probably has a boyfriend," "She wouldn't give me the time of day," and so on). While mistakes like these are understandable and common, there is a solution. Realize that thinking something is going to happen without you actually doing anything… well, this attitude simply doesn't lead to success. Instead, take the bull by the horns: Practice taking action with the women you want to meet and you'll open yourself to all sorts of opportunities. Never approach a woman the minute she arrives at the bar, club, or party. If you do, you are doomed for failure. Instead, give her time to get used to the new surroundings while you observe her and wait for the right time to make your approach. HAVE FUN If your main objective in a club is to get laid, then you will fail. A woman can tell if a guy is having a good time or is just “looking for a woman”. Don’t be that desperate sap. Your main goal is to have fun. If you go to a club “looking for a girl”, then you will fail. But if you go to a club to just have fun, a woman will see that you are having fun, and this will make you attractive to ALL the women. The game is different in the club The place is loud. So long conversations and opening lines or statements are not a good idea. Standing and yelling in a “chick’s ear” is not congruent with normal rapport. Club rapport is different, but needs to be kept similar somewhat to normal rapport. You can’t talk about your life story in a club. Your point is to pique her interest in one shot. You must strike quickly. Most guys are not going about clubs in the right way. Going up and talking to girls is just not productive. There’s a ton of bright lights, pounding music, and tons of people screaming and yelling because their favorite song just went on. Even if she is interested, a conversation, at least a meaningful one that can lead somewhere is next to impossible. People go to a coffeehouse to chat. People go to a club to party. Your conversation about where she’s from, what she does, and what she’s drinking is at best delaying her grabbing another round of shots with her girlfriends and dancing. There is a better way. Say less. Dance more. Tell her everything, but through your body language. THink of it as a numbers Game You want to develop social skills and be able to handle rejection? There’s no better place than the club. You will get shot down. But you know what? Who gives a ****? You just do it. Go for it. Because that’s what’s clubbing is all about. You need to be able to take the 98 “Nos” and take the two “Yes’s”. Because you know what? Those 2 “Yes’s” can mean the difference between getting a phone number or not. The point is this. Whoever approaches the most, leaves with the most numbers. When it comes down to it, clubbing is really just a numbers game. If she rejects you, don't take it personally. There could be variable reasons why she would reject you and you’ll never know why. Don't try to guess why, because you’ll never know. Move on with the game. Don’t worry about it. Think about it like this. If you had met her a month ago, 2 weeks ago, or even yesterday at a different hour at a different place, she probably wouldn’t have turned you down. It’s just that today wasn’t the right time. Clubs only offer you five minutes to make an impression. And it’s just at that particular hour, and at that particular place and at that particular moment she wasn’t feeling it. So don’t worry about it. Forget the canned icebreakers Pickup lines are lame. Women consistently rank honesty and a sense of humor very highly as desirable qualities in a man. A pickup line seems too premeditated, which makes it seem dishonest, and to women, dishonesty is threatening, not funny. The only thing you can do to break the ice is react to or comment on the current situation, preferably in a humorous way. Just do what you feel is right. It doesn't really matter what approach you use, what line you use, or what you say, as long as you just get out there and do it. The rest will fall into place. Pickup lines are not that important if you displayed confidence. Btw. You'll never find the right girl at a club. Good girls come out in the day. Edited March 29, 2008 by FormerNiceGuy
Starla Posted March 29, 2008 Posted March 29, 2008 kid...i live in belfast and i've never met any people in the clubs here i'd wanna date!! :laugh: how the hell did you do it?? (which club was it??)
dreamergrl Posted March 29, 2008 Posted March 29, 2008 Flirt with all the women. What really amazes me is that these guys don't even flirt with women. They just stare into space or look down at the floor. If they actually do catch the eye of a woman, they look away as quickly as possible and let it go at that. You'll never find the right girl at a club. Good girls come out in the day. Do not flirt with all the girls - this is a huge turn off. If a guy flirted with me, then moved on to flirt with another and another I wouldn't even bother with him. And good girls do enjoy going out at night as well - at least some of them dol
FormerNiceGuy Posted March 29, 2008 Posted March 29, 2008 Do not flirt with all the girls - this is a huge turn off. If a guy flirted with me, then moved on to flirt with another and another I wouldn't even bother with him. And good girls do enjoy going out at night as well - at least some of them dol The point is this. Don't just sit there looking at your shoes. Go flirt! Now if you disagree with that..I don't know what to say. The guy is asking tips on clubs. Take clubs for what they are.
dreamergrl Posted March 29, 2008 Posted March 29, 2008 The point is this. Don't just sit there looking at your shoes. Go flirt! Now if you disagree with that..I don't know what to say. The guy is asking tips on clubs. Take clubs for what they are. I agree go flirt with a girl you're interested in - but not all or even several.
Starla Posted March 29, 2008 Posted March 29, 2008 I agree go flirt with a girl you're interested in - but not all or even several. yip i concur...it can make you think of him as a player, and that's unattractive. *off topic* dreamer is that you in your avatar? you look so stunning!! really beautiful!!!
dreamergrl Posted March 29, 2008 Posted March 29, 2008 yip i concur...it can make you think of him as a player, and that's unattractive. *off topic* dreamer is that you in your avatar? you look so stunning!! really beautiful!!! Yes player was the word I was looking for! That and I don't like to have to fight for a guy's attention with the rest of the girls in the bar. Either he's interested in talking to me or he's not. Aww thank you! Yes that is me.
Starla Posted March 29, 2008 Posted March 29, 2008 you are just gorgeous!!!!! really hippy chick and beach babe all in one!! yip i agree....as soon as i see a player, or a guy who looks like he is, my interest is gone. i'd feel too cheap if i spent any time with him.
dreamergrl Posted March 29, 2008 Posted March 29, 2008 you are just gorgeous!!!!! really hippy chick and beach babe all in one!! yip i agree....as soon as i see a player, or a guy who looks like he is, my interest is gone. i'd feel too cheap if i spent any time with him. Shhh I'm blushing! Ty you so much for the compliment Ehh I remember going out one night, and having a guy flirt with me, while he flirted with another girl... it got old quick. The other girl started freaking out and getting jealous... just turned into a huge mess! I don't expect all the attention to be on me - but it gets to be a bit much!
Starla Posted March 29, 2008 Posted March 29, 2008 well, if you do insist on looking like a cooler and more stunning kate moss.... i know what you mean though dreamer...i want a guy to make me feel special, not 'one of many'. i can't picture girls doing that, but guys seem to think it's ok...
dreamergrl Posted March 29, 2008 Posted March 29, 2008 Kate Moss.. I've never heard that before! Yeah I mean even if you're just getting to know someone for the first time - first impressions are everything - and the first impression I get of a guy hitting up all the girls is that he's looking for some action. I love getting out - but while there are some slutty girls there's slutty guys - but you're right, it seems like it's deemed more appropriate for the guy.
Starla Posted March 29, 2008 Posted March 29, 2008 exactly...when i see a guy going round chatting to every other girl, i straight away think they're looking for action, and not the kind of guy *I* want to be with. it's really unattractive....he just looks pathetic and desperate!!!
dreamergrl Posted March 29, 2008 Posted March 29, 2008 On the other hand tho... I hate it when you got your eye on a guy and he's checking you out, but doesn't do anything! That drives me nuts! I'm not one to initiate flirting, I dunno why, but never been that way.
Starla Posted March 29, 2008 Posted March 29, 2008 :laugh::laugh: i've had that tonnes of times....i think it's because we're too beautiful...he feels intimidated..
dreamergrl Posted March 29, 2008 Posted March 29, 2008 I thought the alcohol was suppose to help with that
Starla Posted March 29, 2008 Posted March 29, 2008 :laugh::laugh: i think booze just makes men dance like frogs in a blender...that's it...that's the only effect it has!! :lmao:
dreamergrl Posted March 29, 2008 Posted March 29, 2008 Yeah, and all it does for us is give us beer goggles! Oh and it also encourages horribly stupid pick up lines!
FormerNiceGuy Posted March 29, 2008 Posted March 29, 2008 (edited) To the original poster: Take my advice..and then take the advice of the other ladies. Telll me which works for you. I gave you pretty detailed instructions. Try it out and tell me whose advice is right when you're done. I've given this advice to a lot of guys and they've told me it works. Think in the mind of a player. You don't ask fish how to fish. Edited March 29, 2008 by FormerNiceGuy
sb129 Posted March 29, 2008 Posted March 29, 2008 i think it sounds like he did pretty well.... good luck on the date!!
FormerNiceGuy Posted March 29, 2008 Posted March 29, 2008 (edited) If you're looking for the right girl, the clubs won't be it. The best way to meet women is through your friends. or Any place where you don't have to yell at the top of your lungs...ie. classroom, park, shopping mall, coffee shop, church, etc. “Finding romance in clubs is like finding love from women who hate you.” Edited March 29, 2008 by FormerNiceGuy
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