LuCidiTy Posted March 23, 2008 Posted March 23, 2008 they're broken, and it isn't up to us to fix them. That is maybe the hardest lesson of all because I think deep down that's what we want, is to think that somehow we can fix them. right. they have to fix themselves. and until they do? well we can torture and delude ourselves and suffer along with them (whether they want us to or not) or we can just walk away. i opt for the latter, no matter how much i love him. no matter how much i care.
sedona Posted March 23, 2008 Posted March 23, 2008 right. they have to fix themselves. and until they do? well we can torture and delude ourselves and suffer along with them (whether they want us to or not) or we can just walk away. i opt for the latter, no matter how much i love him. no matter how much i care. Except that although they may be deluding themselves, they're not the ones who are suffering or being tortured. No, that's reserved for us. Or me, at least -- I can't speak for others. So you're right. Cut the cords and move on. Ouch.
LuCidiTy Posted March 23, 2008 Posted March 23, 2008 they may or may not be...doesn't really matter either way.
Far Behind Posted March 23, 2008 Posted March 23, 2008 Except that although they may be deluding themselves, they're not the ones who are suffering or being tortured. No, that's reserved for us. Or me, at least -- I can't speak for others. So you're right. Cut the cords and move on. Ouch. I think on some levels they feel it too...mine spoke of being in a void due to this last time, and I was quick to point out that he had in fact created that void. In the emails of my birthday weekend last week, he said never a day went by that he didn't think about me. I have read over IMs and emails today and cannot for the life of me understand how they can say one thing and act in the total opposite way. Cutting cords is imperative, but damn it hurts.
Far Behind Posted March 23, 2008 Posted March 23, 2008 I am leaving for my mom's right now, but I am going to write back to you later. I'm not so sure there is an alternative, though posting here this weekend has really helped, and I have a girlfriend that I have known since I was 13...I spent the day with her yesterday and needed that safety to be able to cry openly in front of someone. Now my girls are home so I have on my brave face. I told them both that I had decided to not see him anymore, not that he stood me up, because in a way, I did decide it for if he hadn't stood me up, we would have had to deal with my lack of trust and that would have hindered us anyway. I could not have gone another week of walking around waiting for the other shoe to drop. Will post here again later tonight.
Author Meg4131 Posted March 23, 2008 Author Posted March 23, 2008 Do you honestly believe that a guy who would behave like this would truly miss someone he'd been this cruel to? I would believe that they feel a "void," but that it's because they are no longer receiving the attention that they crave. They could be saying this because 1) they're so selfish and will do anything to suck us back into their trap or 2) their desire for attention is such an automatic, needy response that they'll do anything to get it- including convincing themselves that they "miss you." I would be very interested to hear a man's perspective on this...
sedona Posted March 23, 2008 Posted March 23, 2008 I think on some levels they feel it too...mine spoke of being in a void due to this last time, and I was quick to point out that he had in fact created that void. In the emails of my birthday weekend last week, he said never a day went by that he didn't think about me. I have read over IMs and emails today and cannot for the life of me understand how they can say one thing and act in the total opposite way. Cutting cords is imperative, but damn it hurts. Mine talked about stuff like this too. His lonely childhood, some details about previous relationships, etc. But the guy is 39 years old. If he really wanted to change, then he would do so. If he couldn't do it alone, then he'd find the help he needs. He's not doing that. He's chosen to drop me and continue with the life he was leading. I have all those emails and IMs. Plus my memories of what we did together and said to each other. It's when I think about those things that my heart and stomach hurt the most. Usually when I wake up in the morning or lie down to sleep at night. When I dwell on these things, then I become my own worst enemy. I don't know how someone can say one thing and act in the totally opposite way either, but somehow I have to get my heart to accept that it's possible and then I have to move on. He said those things and he meant them. Now he doesn't mean them anymore. End of story, for him anyway. Of course, it's not the end for me until I can get my act together and accept and heal.
Far Behind Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 Sedona, mine is 48...I think some men just never get past being boys, and as I recall, that is called Peter Pan Syndrome. As to the emails...I am so not ready to delete them. I did that the first time in a fit of rage and was sorry afterwards. Not that I will keep them forever, but right now I keep reading them trying to see if I missed something, if there was a clue, whatever. The WORDS, cuz that's all they are, were beautiful, and anyone would have taken them as truth. And as sad and angry as I feel, don't I keep running here to the computer to check and see if he's been on line yet today? Because he hasn't since Friday night, and that is VERY unusual for him. I know he could have blocked himself on AIM, but he hasn't been on myspace either. so now I wonder IF something COULD have happened, but of course I really know better. I saw my step-brother and his wife tonight, who have not know ANYthing about this entire situation, and when they asked if I was dating anyone or what 's been going on, I almost started crying again. My dad said I look tired and asked if I was alright, so I guess I am looking like crap. I took 2 xanax last night and Friday night to have dreamless sleep. I'm only going to take one tonight cuz I don't want to get used to taking 2. I know intellectually how I am better off, but damn it still doesn't hurt less. The shock that he could actually do it again...one theory I have is that once he screwed up friday, he just decided screw it all, I don't want to deal with the confrontation that's sure to follow. And he hates confrontation, and he's a runner to boot. Full of cowardice this guy is. I want to scream but I can't. I want to call him, but I won't, same with email. So because you all are dealing with similar issues, or have dealt with similar issues, I come here, because it beats the hell out of the humiliation that would come from doing any of the other things I just said.
Lizzie60 Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 This is tough... He quickly asked me out, he turned into a huge jerk and started treating me badly he texts me and says that he misses what we had he goes right back to being a complete creep again He texted me again to say how much he missed me. he said that he'd like to get together, but is really "busy" Am I being completely unfair? YES.. What should I do? Keep doing what you've been doing.. the yo-yo gf... Don't you see a pattern here.. how many times do you have to be humiliated, treated badly, played with... before you open your eyes... HEEEEELLLOOOO!!!!!!
sassy N sassy Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 Listen get him out of your life you dont need him he is trouble, i was in a relationship like that he was alls way busy finally i told him i wasnt going to sit around and wait on him he ended it. If your boyfriend if he wanted to see you he would be there thats the way i see it! Dont let him use you! Get Gone.
Recommended Posts