Meg4131 Posted March 22, 2008 Posted March 22, 2008 I met a guy late last year who I thought was a really nice, honest man. He quickly asked me out, but I'd been in a bad relationship a few months earlier, so I told him that I'd like to be friends first and then slowly we could move on to dating. After this, he turned into a huge jerk and started treating me badly until I finally broke off contact with him. I really liked him and did miss him. Right when I thought I was getting over him, he texts me and says that he misses what we had. Being foolish, I started talking to him again and of course, he goes right back to being a complete creep again- telling me that all of this was my fault because I hadn't wanted to date him in the first place, how'd I hurt him so badly, and how now, he'd changed his mind and was so "busy" that he didn't have any time for me. We stopped talking until we had a chance encounter about a week ago. He texted me again to say how much he missed me. We've been talking via email and he said that he'd like to get together, but is really "busy" and I'd have to be patient with him. Well, needless to say, over a week's gone by and he's still "busy." He texts me about once a day to say hi, but that's it. I feel like his behavior is unacceptable and that in a week, he should be able to find at least 30 mins to see me. Am I being completely unfair? What should I do?
shockandawed Posted March 22, 2008 Posted March 22, 2008 (edited) Meg, This is confusing, you said you met him but didn't date him, what is there to get over? It is apparent that this guy is a jerk. There is NEVER any excuse to treat someone badly, especially considering there was no relationship. He can't give you anything and seems like a complete jerk. He is simply checking the line to see if you are still dangling. I am certain he is dating or pursuing others and wanting to keep you in the bin in case none of these work out. You should avoid any contact with him and concentrate on finding someone who fits what you are looking for. Edited March 22, 2008 by shockandawed
Author Meg4131 Posted March 22, 2008 Author Posted March 22, 2008 Thanks...deep down I've known that he's just been dragging me along, but it reinforced it to hear it from someone.
Lionblade Posted March 22, 2008 Posted March 22, 2008 Maybe he wants to make you wait the same way you made him wait? Like when he wanted you, you backed off and he might see this as sort of a revenge since you want him now.
Author Meg4131 Posted March 22, 2008 Author Posted March 22, 2008 That's what I thought too Lionblade. I've tried being nice to him and said that I missed him as well, but I really thought he'd want to spend time with me. A part of me just wants to hang on a little longer to see if he'll change, but I'm scared he's going to do serious damage if I wait around. To be fair to him, he's a graduate student in a very demanding program and I know that he does have a lot of work. But, so am I and I definitely make time for people who are important to me. I think that if he really wanted to spend time with me, he would. Do you think he testing me? Is this his punishment for saying that I wanted to go slow and be friends first? Should I be a little more patient with him?
Trialbyfire Posted March 22, 2008 Posted March 22, 2008 The more times you play into his hand, the more he'll keep coming back and then backing off. 'Tis the name of the game, for the immature man. Time to stop enabling him and take this time, to take care of yourself. It sounds like you need to build up your reserves.
Lucky555 Posted March 22, 2008 Posted March 22, 2008 I am in the EXACT same position...Everything is fine between us but he has not contacted me HES ACTING BUSY. If i ask him he will say he is "busy" Don't hold your breath. SEriously, I don't know why these guys do this. Its actually driving me nuts just wondering if i need to break it or wait it out. I had came the conclusion.....i give him till next friday to contact me. IF he doesn't i am completely cutting him off
Author Meg4131 Posted March 22, 2008 Author Posted March 22, 2008 I called him on it and he told me I was "a lapse in judgement"
Trialbyfire Posted March 22, 2008 Posted March 22, 2008 A "lapse in judgement" is insulting. Perhaps you can suggest he lapse elsewhere, on someone else...
Mary3 Posted March 23, 2008 Posted March 23, 2008 Please do NOT spend one more second thinking about this man. His actions are disturbing. He sounds like a potential abuser or at least a screwed up hostile guy who is getting his jollies messing with your mind. I say again , do NOT answer his calls, his texts , his IM's , his ANYTHING. Everytime you do this you are disrespecting yourself. When he messes with you , he waits and then says " I miss you " Once he gets confirmation, he balks and says " He's too busy again " Trust me if a guy LIKES you , he will move the heavens and the earth to be with you. This guy is all about REVENGE ! DUMP !
Author Meg4131 Posted March 23, 2008 Author Posted March 23, 2008 After I called him on his behavior and he made the "lapse in judgment" comment, I haven't heard a peep from him. Given, it's only been about a day, but I think he's sulking that he got called out. I'm really hoping that I just never hear from him again....do most men usually take this route when they've been caught in bad behavior?
mortensorchid Posted March 23, 2008 Posted March 23, 2008 This guy is a loser. He has time to do other things but has no time for you.
Advocate's Devilette Posted March 23, 2008 Posted March 23, 2008 Honestly you probably shouldn't have called him out at all and just not expected to be contacted. Doing the "calling out" just really shows how much you want him. Anyhoo, just forget him.
Recommended Posts