Desperately . .

[gemini_86]

Hey everyone,

 

A few weeks ago, I met an incredibly guy. We seemed perfect for each other. We had texted back and forth non-stop and he would say things like, "I want to be with you, you're perfect for me, I'll always be here, you're everything I've always wanted but could never find so now there's no point of looking, I don't want to share you with anybody, this is so unreal, etc". Any possible romantic movie-like thing that could be said, was said to me. Our first date was incredible. Absolutely flawless. I've never really been in a position where I had fallen for someone really fast and seemingly had that happen mutually. I began second guessing some things, as well as getting too drawn into the perfection, thus wanted to hear the romantic things, etc all the time. I just couldn't believe it was happening to me. Anyways, 2 days after our first date, it was less romantic, but not exactly bad. I wanted to get some serious things off my chest but he was joking around way too much to take anything seriously, so I let it go for the time being.

 

Our second date rolls around and it was good. Not as perfect and flawless as the first, but I still loved being in his presence and what not. Things moved way too fast, way too soon... again, a situation that was new to me. I had told him that I didn't want to do anything unless this was 100% real and he just told me that he's not going anywhere and he seemed slightly offended that I would even ask if what he was feeling was real. I don't regret the fact that everything happened, but I do regret not having anything to say afterwards. I just kept thinking and thinking and thinking. The next morning when I woke up, I just said my goodbye, kissed him, and left. He texted me a couple hours later as he normally would, but eventually I wanted to get this serious things off of my chest again. Once again, no luck. He kept joking it off or not really responding to it in the way that I expected him to. I got frustrated and said, "I can't tell when you're joking or being serious anymore. If this is you seriously joking, or if this is you pushing me away, let me know before I make up my own mind..." and all he said was, "alright". I got angry. We stopped texting/talking. A few hours later, his name online was "gets to see his baby tonight!" and clearly, that 'baby' was not me. I asked him what his name was about and he said he was going up north for the weekend. I said have fun as well as "if you didn't want us to get anywhere or if you had someone else in mind, I wish you could've just told me." and he just asked "what did i do?". I then brought up what I said earlier, his joking and me trying to be serious and then his name online. He asked what kind of things I wanted to talk about, and I said that I wanted things to be real and I just wanted to know where he stood so that I was able to see if this was worth it or not. I just got one-word answers that didn't really explain anything. A few hours later, I couldn't sleep, and I messaged him saying that I was thinking about him and that I didn't think I wanted to give up on something that barely started and that I hoped he felt the same. Unfortunately, I never got a response... this was about a week ago.

 

I haven't been in contact with him since and it's been killing me. I want to get some answers and I want to get a second chance because I feel as if I maybe pushed things on him or backed him into the corner, but at the same time, he was the one that initiated everything by telling me he wanted to be with me and that he didn't want anybody else, etc. It scared me, but at the same time, I felt the same, I just wanted to make sure since I've been hurt so many times before. I'm not sure what to do about this situation anymore. I'm not sure if there really is someone else in his picture, or if he was just trying to push me away, or worse yet, if all of this was just in fact to get everything he wanted physically out of me. I have no idea and I wish I knew.

 

I have this awful feeling that if I don't contact him, he will never contact me and it makes me sick to my stomach to imagine never talking to him again. Our slight relationship only lasted about 3 weeks, but it's had such an impact on me and I'm not ready to let it go. I have no idea what to do and I am so confused. I really need to know what others would do in my position, so please... any advice anyone can offer will be so helpful.

 

I'm going for surgery in a couple weeks and he kept telling me how he would be there and help me and whatever else, and I got so used to that idea and so excited about the future he seemed to have planned in his head... and now to think it's non-existant, kills me. I want him in my life so badly, and I seriously wish that I didn't. I hate this.

[bejshermanoaks]

sounds to me like you let your anxiety and past baggage control you into making nervous decisions...simply, you need to chill Its hard to do, but when you arent coming from a calm, chill place you are more likely to do something that appears unstable or anxiety driven; sounds like you are insecure and need a lot of reassurance? Im thinking you maybe pushed him a little too much, considering you didnt know him that well? You can give it another shot--call him and just invite him out to dinner or coffee or whatever. Dont do it half ass--just be direct; dont say anything too serious or let your anxiety take over--just be chill and enjoy the moment...hope that helps...

[gemini_86]

Im thinking you maybe pushed him a little too much, considering you didnt know him that well? ...

 

 

Thanks. You're definitely right when you say that I acted a certain way considering I didn't know him that well. I was worried since I wasn't sure what exactly he was capable of. I'm not exactly sure what to say to him considering I don't necessarily want to approach the situation like nothing happened. Considering he never replied to some of my more important messages last weekend, I'm not exactly sure I'll get a response this time around either and I think that makes me most nervous. I feel like everything he said to me were lies considering he just gave up (or so it seems) when he kept saying that he never would. I wanted simple answers, and he avoided giving me them, therefore, I'm not sure if this is me trying to hold onto something that may have never existed. What if I do contact him again and he doesn't reply once again? Is that where I would leave it be and let it go?

[bejshermanoaks]

You are very cute--I can almost feel your nervous energy through the computer, i wish i could give you a hug. I promise you sweetheart--this is all gonna be okay; one way or another, ya know? You say "I was worried'--thats the thing--your worry is the issue. I think it causes you to not be in the moment and be overly concerned about heavier issues and such. I think you were so worried about losing this guy, and "wheres this going" that maybe you pushed him away? Know what I mean?

For ex: lets say your biggest fear is that someone will cheat on you (cause you were once cheated on). You then start snooping through your bf's emails and asking him "where he is at", etc...he then gets so annoyed by your behavior that he starts cheating! Make sense? I think your anxiety about where this relationship was going caused you to be overly serious and maybe edged him out. so, it went nowhere.

Call him or text him with the confident mindset of he will write back and that you are hot chick with many options and you dont NEED him.."Hi there. wanna grab some coffee? Hit me back and let know". short and sweet..If a guy likes you, he will respond..

 

However, learn from this example and take what you need to better yourself in the future so you handle things the way youd rather handle them. Stay positive. Love yourself. Know that you are awesome and any guy would kill to have you. When you believe that, you'll be more secure and will be less likely to push someone away.

[gemini_86]

ha, you are definitely right, I am very nervous. Usually, I am the type of the girl that has no problem leaving. I actually have a slightly negative reputation of just 'quitting' people and moving on way too soon, however, even though I barely know this guy, he's not somebody I feel that I want to easily let go of and that in and of itself makes me nervous because it's a change.

 

Thank you for being honest, it's really refreshing. I've had a lot of mixed advice with this situation; NC, tell him he's an *******, talk to him, etc. So, I guess it's natural for me to feel confused. Anyways, I think I'll give what you're saying some thought and try and work up the courage to possibly call/text him and see how it goes from there. I really hope and pray that everything works out in a way where I will get SOME form of answer. I just want to know whether I should stay or go.

[bejshermanoaks]

Id call if you can find the courage--give it one last great , comfortable, secure shot..much love to you good luck and keep me posted

[gemini_86]

I was going to call, but then I realized that I had deleted his number from my cell phone since I was way too tempted to continuously text him or get a hold of last weekend when everything went down. So, unfortunately, I couldn't get a hold of his number again. So, I e-mailed him instead.

 

This was it.

 

Hey,

 

I know some really random **** went down between us last week. Everything happened pretty fast and I was on edge. The whole situation made me pretty nervous and my mind was all over the place instead of living in the moment. The way I acted was unlike me and it sucked, but then again, the entire situation was pretty new to me, so I didn't know how to handle it but whatever, it's not something I can take back. It happened, and what's done is done. I obviously didn't know you well enough, and I let my past get the best of me. What I do know is that I have fun with you, whether it's just talking/texting or hanging out. I felt I'd put you in the know and that you deserved to know all that. Anyways, if you wanna talk or hang out sometime, hit me back and let me know.

 

 

I feel pretty good about it considering it was my final attempt at trying. I said what I needed to say and those were thoughts that have been completely haunting me all week, so I feel good having put it out there pretty simply. He's been online since, as a matter of fact, he is online right now, so chances are that he's read it. Whether he will respond, or not, I don't know, but like I said, at this point, I'm pretty content with the effort I've put in and if I don't get anything in return within the next couple of weeks, then I will at least know that I tried and that it probably wouldn't have worked out anyways considering he couldn't respect me enough to fill me in on what was going on with the situation, how he felt, etc.

 

I will definitely keep you posted.

 

Thank you so much for helping me put things into perspective. It really did help me a lot and I really do feel at ease about the situation now. Thanks again.

[bejshermanoaks]

Your email is honest and candid and you cant go wrong with that; Im worried he will think its too much, too deep--which was the initial issue (as he doesnt know you that well)..I was hoping youd keep it light and confident. However, it was honest and from the heart, and thats always good..let me know what happens..I think you felt you had to share it with him, which is something you needed to do for you..

 

Ill send positivity and love towards you Good luck and let me know if you hear from that scoundrel

[gemini_86]

Hey,

 

Well, it's been a week and still no response to the e-mail I had sent, however, I'm definitely not in the same state of mind as I was last weekend. Not even close. I said what I needed to say and he was too immature to reply honestly or even at all, therefore, I believe it probably wouldn't have worked at out all had this not have happened. I'm not impressed at all by his actions; what he did was rude, heartless, and completely desperate (keep in mind this is my perspective since I never heard his) so he's not worth any more of my time and effort. He hasn't deleted me on IM, so I suppose that is his way of possibly one day contacting me, but I really could care less.

 

I do admit to meeting a lot of these people - the relationships that slightly begin but never quite finish, just fade or disappear, and this is my last time. I refuse to deal with another member of the opposite sex that is too immature to deal with anyone except for (or maybe including) himself.

 

Thanks so much for your help though, I really did appreciate it as I was a nervous wreck at the time. You really did help put things into perspective for me and I'm grateful. Thanks again!