tidii Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 we've known each other for 4 years and this is our 5th year together. so yesterdaY, on good friday she just told me she doesn't have any feelings for me anymore i dont know what happened.my birthday was just acouple of weeks ago and we were still okay then.all that happened was that she went for a 3 day camp and came back asking for a break up. please help me. i've tried doing things to bring her back to me like trying to talk to her but all she says is thats she doesn't have feelings anymore and doesn't want to meet with me.i've waiting at her house and made her meet me but all i managed to do was give her some stuff like some stuff i wrote for her birthday which is in a couple of months' time.it was just a really long essay about how we met and the good times we shared together. i really love her alot and i dont want to give her up. please please please tell me what i can do.please dont tell me to give up on her. i dont know what i did wrong it was just so sudden she came back from the camp and a couple of days later she just said she dont miss me or think of me anymore!i've been calling her so many times that i think got pissed off too =( also she just got into a new school and i saw her with another guy from her school entering the lift together,then later he was like sitting on the floor hiding or something..he later also took the lift down to ground floor where he saw me then closed the lift and went back upstairs... what is going wrong! please help me! Link to post Share on other sites
paladin1 Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 You can't do anything, but you can do nothing. Read that last line as many times as necessary... because it is the sad truth. Let me explain; you can't do anything to change her mind. My guess? She found someone else (that guy?) Walking away without an explanation, or a trite generalization, is often easier for some people than giving you the honor and honesty of telling you the truth. Ask anyone on here who has been in a similar situation- begging, showing up at her place, seeing her again and again to try and "win her back" almost never works. What you can do is...simply...nothing. Stop talking to her, stop responding to her. Let her feel your absence. Let her miss you. People here advocate NC, or no contact for two reasons. First, and foremost, it is the best way to begin to heal yourself if she does not ever come back. And secondly; cutting off contact gives her time to think about you, about what she lost, and about what she has given up. If you argue, shout, beg, plead, etc. it only reinforces in her mind that 1) she made the right decision and 2) she can have you back whenever she wants, so no need for it to be now. It's a difficult path to walk, but take a look at the rest of the posts here. Dare you to find even one where trying to thrust yourself back into her life when she chose to leave worked for the long term and saved the relationship. The only thing that can bring her back now is her, not you. Let her have the space she needs to feel your absence. Link to post Share on other sites
bejshermanoaks Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 Im so sorry man--I feel your pain. We are in the same boat brotha; my situation is brutal as well. Paladain is right--its hard advice to follow but great advice man. If you have made it clear to her you dont want to end it, now is the time to go quiet. No contact. You arent alone man...i know this is painful, but eventually it will get better. Like paladin says, doing nothing seems wrong or counter-intuitive, but you really are doing something by doing nothing. You are healing, and you are showing her you have a life and can move on. If she loves you, shell miss you..if she doesnt, you dont want her anyway. Much love to you bro... Link to post Share on other sites
Author tidii Posted March 23, 2008 Author Share Posted March 23, 2008 but..its been so long..and we were great together..why.whywhy... Link to post Share on other sites
Author tidii Posted March 23, 2008 Author Share Posted March 23, 2008 how long..for NC?i mean..if she misses me.. :'( Link to post Share on other sites
sedgwick Posted March 23, 2008 Share Posted March 23, 2008 Are you very young? You talk about school and camp. If you're a teenager, or younger, this kind of thing really does just happen. Teenage girls are fickle (well, I never was, I've always been the one who gets my heart broken, but still.) Most of them are! Link to post Share on other sites
Bobby.Roy Posted March 23, 2008 Share Posted March 23, 2008 This happens brother. I am going through something similar whereby she has started liking/loving someone else after our 8 years of being in a lovely relationship. Though its very hard, absolutely HARD but i have lost all contacts with her (atleast for the time being). I believe, if she loves me, she'll come back to me or atleast try to make things correct with me but if she doesn't come back or doesn't misses me, then there was no use of being together in the first place. If you plead, beg and all, and IF she comes back, then that won't be good because she would've come back because you begged. Let her miss what she has lost, let her feel that you are not around and IF she feels that way, then eventually she will come back. If not, well, sadly, just move on..It is tough (it is tough for me EACH DAY, believe me), but we need to be absolutely strong to face such a situation.. All theb best mate. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tidii Posted March 23, 2008 Author Share Posted March 23, 2008 no..not really young.already in the big 2s..but..i've been so good to her should i stillcontinue to message her good morning and stuff?.. honeslty i really dont care if ibeg and plead and she comes back cos i just want her beg..even if i need to pull any dirty tricks i will.cos..i really know shes the 1 for me..honestly.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tidii Posted March 23, 2008 Author Share Posted March 23, 2008 please..help me im tearing apart from inside.i can't seem tofind anything enjoyable anymore!even food taste blend even my voice has become hoarse for no reason. Link to post Share on other sites
dead-dyke Posted March 23, 2008 Share Posted March 23, 2008 Jeez, I never would have thought I'd say this, but you HAVE to be patient. I have been in an 8 yr. relationship/marriage. We have been seperated 9 months now, but only the last, say just about 4 mos. NC. If nothing else, trust everybody when they say NC. It will really help you to cope. Mind you, I am the last one to take advice from, but, with even messaging her, and she's likely not to message back right away, if at all, that alone will kill you. I know exactly how you feel,.... Some days I love my wife, some days I hate her, for not giving us a chance. But with my trying to reason with her all the time, it only made things worse and pushed her farther away. And that, my friend, is more painful than not knowing what she's up to. You don't see it now, but it will get easier. Then you can be in a right frame of mind to talk when she comes back. I wish you luck. Sincerely. Link to post Share on other sites
dead-dyke Posted March 23, 2008 Share Posted March 23, 2008 I just read your most recent post, and the one thing that helped me, was, go see your Dr. Even if you can't afford it, he/she likely will give you sample anti-depressants. I was not thinking very good thoughts at first, but let me tell you, if they work for you, then like me, it will be a miracle life saver. Don't do anything rash. It seems imposible, but it WILL get better until she comes back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tidii Posted March 23, 2008 Author Share Posted March 23, 2008 she'll be back?Really? Link to post Share on other sites
Arch Posted March 23, 2008 Share Posted March 23, 2008 You don't want her back, she ****ing left you - you should not be begging for her to come back, if anything it would be the opposite way around. Go out and find another Girl Friend, I am sure you will be able to. Link to post Share on other sites
Starsky Posted March 23, 2008 Share Posted March 23, 2008 The only thing you can do is get over her. Everyone on this board has been telling you that, but you fail to listen. You keep focusing on getting her back. I know it's hard, but the only way to get her back is to build a better life for yourself. Trust me, when I moved on and my ex saw this, she came back to me (we broke up again though and I'm single now). Go find a hobby and meet new friends. Enjoy life and focus on what makes you happy. Before you know it, you'll be over her and she'll want you back. Hopefully by this time, you'll make the right decision by not taking her back. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tidii Posted March 23, 2008 Author Share Posted March 23, 2008 so..like..now we're friends..is there anyway to bring her back into my arms?she also said she wont ignore me anymore.. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 23, 2008 Share Posted March 23, 2008 so..like..now we're friends..is there anyway to bring her back into my arms?she also said she wont ignore me anymore.. You are not friends - you are two people who were involved and broke up. Big difference. 'Friends' in a true sense can't happen until you are 100% over her romantically. Right now you are using 'friends' as a way to hold on to someone who does not want to be with you romantically. Is there any way to bring her back? I suppose if you guilt tripped her hard enough, she might be with you a few more times out of pity but not because she really wants to be back with you. She probably won't ignore you. She will keep you around as a cuddle buddy while she looks for new guys to date (if she hasn't found one already - 99.999999999999999% of the time when you get the "I need time/space" followed by a breakup, she has already found someone else). Best bet? Walk away, do not turn back. If you don't, you will suffer even more heartbreak and you will wish you had walked away while you still had some heart left. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tidii Posted March 23, 2008 Author Share Posted March 23, 2008 how do i guilt trip her? i dont think she has another guy..yet..she said she doesn't at least... Link to post Share on other sites
Starsky Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 how do i guilt trip her? Easy. Sit around and feel sorry for yourself. Make sure she knows this. Complain to her about how miserable and lonely you are and how she broke your heart and you can't bear to live without her. Talk about all the good things you've done for her and all the wonderful memories you shared together. If she decides to get back with you after this, then make sure you enjoy every second of it because I guarantee you that she won't be around for long. She'll be waiting for her knight in shining armor to come around and rescue her from her relationship. Trust me, you don't want this to happen. Take what's left of your heart and find someone else. You'll save yourself time and heartache. P.S. The first paragraph is sarcasm. Please don't take it seriously. Link to post Share on other sites
Sfbaygirl415 Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 Hi Tidii.. I think at this point you need to just give her what she asked for.. space. I know it's not easy especially when you love someone.. but trying to get her back will only push her further right now. Don't blame yourself.. the problem lies with her.. Whatever it is.. she needs time to experience her life.. time to make up her mind and sort her thoughts. I'm not saying you should put your life on hold for her.. but sometimes people need to lose what they have in order to realize how good they really had it. That's right, that means not giving her attention, not answering her calls, etc. You need to let her miss you. If she comes around and you're still open to another chance.. then good. If she comes around and you moved on with your life already.. then good too. don't put yourself on hold.. best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
paladin1 Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 Easy. Sit around and feel sorry for yourself. Make sure she knows this. Complain to her about how miserable and lonely you are and how she broke your heart and you can't bear to live without her. Talk about all the good things you've done for her and all the wonderful memories you shared together. P.S. The first paragraph is sarcasm. Please don't take it seriously. Don't forget calling every 2 hours to remind her that you're thinking about her and care. OP; we are saying these things in a tongue-in-cheek sorta way because we know this is absolutely NOT the way to get someone back. Please trust us on this; you cannot FORCE someone to come back to you for the long term. Perhaps if you debase yourself enough you might make them pity you to the point where you will get a few days... but then you lose the most important thing you can have right now-- their respect. If they respect you, and your relationship was a good one, let it end well. You want hope for the future? Leave her in a "good" way. I am male; so I can't speak for the ladies with the exception of what I've heard from female friends. If you have female friends; ask them. How many of them really wanted to get back together with guys who acted like those in the quote above?? She knows how you feel and what you offer. Leave it at that. Don't try to MAKE her feel something that she doesn't right now and you ~may~ have a small chance she will reconsider her feelings in the future. Force her, bother her, thrust yourself forcibly into her life when she doesn't want you around and you WILL kill any chance of reconciliation. Guaranteed. Link to post Share on other sites
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