thatgirl222 Posted March 22, 2008 Posted March 22, 2008 Hi everyone! I hope you all can give me some advice! I am getting back into dating, and have been out several times with a guy. I enjoy my time with him. We both are dating for the first time since we ended our relationships, and have been out several times. My last relationship I just knew right away that it was what I wanted then, I just had that feeling. I like this guy, but I don't have the same feeling as I did last time. I know that every relationship is different, so I'm not horribly alarmed about this. We met online, as I'm very shy, so it is easier for me to meet guys that way. He is shy too. Just out of luck I started talking to another man who I find interesting. We have a lot in common, and both have been through a lot of the same things. I am wondering if I should not see the other guy and try dating this one because we seem to be more alike, or if I should continue to give the other guy my time. Or date both?? Me and the first guy haven't had the exclusive talk, and he still has himself listed as single (then again so do I) and I'm not sure how to bring it up.
xpaperxcutx Posted March 22, 2008 Posted March 22, 2008 You don't need to tell him anything. No exclusivity means that you're allowed to date anyone you like. Just follow your gut and date the guy you want. It's not stringing anyone along. You're just getting to know people and trying to weed out the bad ones from the good ones. Happy hunting.
Shindig Posted March 22, 2008 Posted March 22, 2008 I agree. Date them both and keep it to yourself unless they ask. Then you say, "I see other people." No details. If you find yourself liking one over another act accordingly. Otherwise have fun. There's a reason relationship status changes... there are lots of different levels of serious and many kinds of relationships.
Author thatgirl222 Posted March 22, 2008 Author Posted March 22, 2008 Thanks for youre quick reply! Part of me feels bad because I like the first guy, and I'm pretty sure he isn't seeing anyone else. I know he had a hard time with his previous relationship because he was cheated on, and I don't want him to think I am doing the same. I know there isn't an extact time frame, but in general, when abouts to people become exclusive, or have that thought in mind?
Shindig Posted March 22, 2008 Posted March 22, 2008 It's a talk the two of you have to have at some point. You'll know. If you find you really like a guy, have chemistry, compatible life goals, etc.... then bring it up... you know... "Hey, when we met I was dating other people but I don't want to see anyone but you right now." See how he reacts and you'll know where to go from there.
Shindig Posted March 22, 2008 Posted March 22, 2008 And about feeling guilty about it, you're not doing anything wrong by dating other people. If he's bothered by it and you're not nuts about him then move right on along. If you're bothered by it, then either work through it until you're comfortable with it or give yourself a 5 date limit: if you're not feeling it after 5 dates find the next one.
Author thatgirl222 Posted March 22, 2008 Author Posted March 22, 2008 I've never dated two guys at once before. I always worry that I wont be able to completely get to know the other. Is it a bad idea if I feel like I'm doing something wrong? I don't really think I would be because there hasn't been that talk, but I still feel bad about it.
Shindig Posted March 22, 2008 Posted March 22, 2008 Well... you don't want to be nervous about your dates because of something like that. However, as long as you're being friendly and just getting to know one another I don't see any problem. Once the emotional intimacy begins you'll start to want exclusivity. Exclusivity is most important when you start to become physically intimate. Maybe think about how you would feel knowing that your date went out with another girl 2 nights ago. If that bothers you... get back to me. If not putting yourself in your date's shoes might be the best approach.
Author thatgirl222 Posted March 22, 2008 Author Posted March 22, 2008 I don't think I'd like it if he was going out with someone else, but I have jealousy issues sometimes, so I don't always know if my thoughts are reasonable. We've kissed and stuff, but not had sex. If we were having sex, I really wouldn't even be thinking about this because I don't think its appropriate to sleep with more then one person at a time and if I am sleeping with someone its because we are exclusive!
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