Elena62 Posted March 22, 2008 Posted March 22, 2008 I'm sitting here breaking my heart. People have mentioned getting rid of emails and other stuff while on NC. I've really tried that this evening and it's killing me inside. I've been seeing words of love on my screen and remembering. I had it all hidden away and I was doing fine..... It's killing me inside. I think this is the worst day I've had so far. I can't sleep. The pain is too much!
Star Gazer Posted March 22, 2008 Posted March 22, 2008 I hear ya. I moved all of my Ex's emails into a separate folder, and then moved that folder into another folder, and another folder. They're not gone, I'm sure I'll like to read them again someday when the feelings are gone...but I can't bring myself to delete them entirely.
Shindig Posted March 22, 2008 Posted March 22, 2008 I have a folder like that. Whenever I get tempted to read it I try to remember our worst fight or one of his flaws that consistently drove me nuts. That usually kills the urge...
EllaDerSpin Posted March 22, 2008 Posted March 22, 2008 I agree with the others, put them in a seperate folder.
LuCidiTy Posted March 22, 2008 Posted March 22, 2008 you may want them someday to show you some things...remind you of some things. i wouldn't put them away entirely. i burn mine on dvd and store them away. hugs to you elena...i'd do anything to be able to take your pain away. it just sucks.
beta Posted March 22, 2008 Posted March 22, 2008 I'm on this site looking for the same answers. I never thought I could hurt so much! I am going thru my second divorce but my heart is breaking over the man I left my husband for. Our marriage was breaking anyways...the OM (nothing physical happened between us yet) I believe was the love of my life (I can hear all you skepticals thinking he was my "David") Of course, i don't believe that. we shared so much. Became so close. i had never allowed myself to trust and love so much before (hence the lack of experience in heartbrake no doubt) But I did with him. He wanted me to. He loved so much as well. We talked about everything. Considered everything. I am struggling with NC. REALLY struggling! HOW? After being best friends for months, how can I lose a future, a lover, and a best friend? For no known reason really! It's been 3 weeks. There has been contact but I initiated all of them (but the first txt the day after saying "hope you're ok, thinking of you,x") I emailed back the "please give us a try" then a litehearted one a few days after that (to which I got a reply) there have been 2 phone conversations and I have now written him a txt that lies in my draft folder. I can't imagine for one second deleting emails and pictures. Obviously I harbour hope. Immense hope. How can this be? How can we walk away from this fantastic relationship? I married two men for a relationship that didn't have half of what I had with this man! He has never been married. 35 and always single. longest relationship is about 6 months. He said he never felt like he did with me. He even talked about how he would scheme with my children to propose to me! "our house, our vacation, our ski trips...etc...." I can't forget! I don't WANT to forget! Today is a bad day. I'm crying so much and am not used to this pain...i don't want to get used to it! I don't want to talk to friends about it anymore. I feel like I am a broken record. You're right. This pain is too much. I'm sorry i am of no help...am looking for the same thing you are....
vivrantflo Posted March 22, 2008 Posted March 22, 2008 I would get rid of ALL the emails for two reasons... 1. Reading those emails is equivalent to reflecting on the past.. which serves no positive purpose unless you're studying for a history exam... 2. They had great value while the relationship was intact.. despite the fact they are nice memories.. they don't reflect anything that is happening in the present day.. The relationship is done.. and with reason. In the event that you two get back together, it will be a NEW chapter in your lives together.. meaning the OLD chapter is now closed.. so the old chapter should be closed regardless.. I lied.. there's a 3rd.. 3. Reading them will make you sad, and prolong your healing process.. and no one wants you to be sad.. Notice when they were "hidden" you were doing fine? Might as well delete them so you won't have bad days like today.. or.. they won't come as frequent.
pigeonsid Posted March 22, 2008 Posted March 22, 2008 I say wait until you're ready to completely get rid of emails, etc. I think that hiding them away, or just mentally putting them away and telling yourself that you're not going to look at those things is enough. Maybe it is easier to just rip the bandaid off and get rid of things immediately, but I always find that impossible. And I find that going back is part of the grieving process for me - there are times when it's painful but still good to go back and remember the good times, and to be able to grieve for them and slowly let go of them. But of course, you can't do that sort of grieving at the beginning. You need to wait to get some perspective and for the pain not to be so overwhelming. My heart goes out to you guys, but the pain does ease off. I feel that I'm in a second stage now where I'm getting peaceful about the breakup, and what I have to learn how to deal with is now just real life post-breakup. As I've been talking about in my other thread, this stage seems to be more about coping with being alone rather than the intense pain and regret that happened in the first stage. And yes, NC really did help me move from that first stage to where I am now. So, stick with NC and be good to yourself. If going through emails to delete them is too painful, then just don't deal with them - put them aside and try to get on with things instead.
sedgwick Posted March 23, 2008 Posted March 23, 2008 I deleted every email he ever sent me the day he dumped me. Threw away everything he ever gave me (except for a camera, but that's a useful object, so it doesn't count.) Tossed all his CDs, ripped his band's stickers off my door, and took all the clothes he left here to the Goodwill. All within two hours of his leaving. Perhaps I'm extreme, but I don't want any part of him around.
0hpenelope Posted March 23, 2008 Posted March 23, 2008 I wish I can take him out of my head and not just the stuff he gave me. Forget erasing just the e-mails, blocking him on network sites, throwing away his stuff, etc. I'd like to be served by Lacuna, Inc. anytime. Not seeking to debate about this desire of mine (ie. "would it really work? what if your heart really will just ultimately call for him even if your memories were erased?" etc. etc.), but oh... dreaming about the possibilities of having that choice. Good luck, Elena62 and everyone else who's in this position. Good luck to all of us.
Lookingforward Posted March 23, 2008 Posted March 23, 2008 My old hard drive died and took with it all my (our) emails, pictures, songs, im logs - sigh So now he's "only in my head" as the song goes Not sure yet if it was a good thing or a bad thing. It makes me sad to think I have nothing tangible left, but not as totally devestated as I would have been had it happened early after we broke up, so maybe that means I'm progressing.
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