pink smartie Posted March 22, 2008 Posted March 22, 2008 Hello good people of Loveshack I've been dating this guy for a few months and things are going fairly well. Except for one thing: I get jealous. Yesterday, for instance, we were making plans to see each other this weekend and he said that Friday (tonight) was no good since he already had plans. Is it just me or do people, especially a person who has been calling you their girlfriend for months now, usually volunteer information on what those plans might be? He always does this when it comes to evenings out, which weirds me out because he gives a lot of details about all other aspects of his life. Anyways, yesterday I decided to ask what his plans were. He was still elusive but said that he was going out for some after work drinks with people from the office so they could discuss some work-related issues. Well, he works with a lot of single women a few of whom he has reported seem to be flirty with him. I don't get it. How come I get to know the minute details of his work day, down to who's hitting on him at the office, but not what his plans are on a Friday night?
Lizzie60 Posted March 22, 2008 Posted March 22, 2008 Hello good people of Loveshack I've been dating this guy for a few months and things are going fairly well. Except for one thing: I get jealous. Yesterday, for instance, we were making plans to see each other this weekend and he said that Friday (tonight) was no good since he already had plans. Is it just me or do people, especially a person who has been calling you their girlfriend for months now, usually volunteer information on what those plans might be? He always does this when it comes to evenings out, which weirds me out because he gives a lot of details about all other aspects of his life. Anyways, yesterday I decided to ask what his plans were. He was still elusive but said that he was going out for some after work drinks with people from the office so they could discuss some work-related issues. Well, he works with a lot of single women a few of whom he has reported seem to be flirty with him. I don't get it. How come I get to know the minute details of his work day, down to who's hitting on him at the office, but not what his plans are on a Friday night? Jealousy = Poison Jealousy is typically a 'youth' disease... you are probably very young. Next time, you should have 'plans' too.. stop being dependent on him.. I know it's hard but you have to be reasonable. Next time he said he has plans.. you should tell him.. 'well, that's good timing, cause I had plans too.. we'll talk Saturday.. bye, have fun'...
Author pink smartie Posted March 22, 2008 Author Posted March 22, 2008 I did have plans with a friend of mine, but he could have joined us if he had wanted too. I am more often the one that has plans. So what do I do? How do I get rid of this 'youth disease'?
Lizzie60 Posted March 22, 2008 Posted March 22, 2008 I did have plans with a friend of mine, but he could have joined us if he had wanted too. I am more often the one that has plans. So what do I do? How do I get rid of this 'youth disease'? Self-control.. I know it's not easy.. I was extremely jealous when I was in my 20s.. I suffered a lot because of it. When I got older.. I thought that jealousy was a weakness that made my life miserable.. and that, since I can't control what the bf or SO is doing or even thinking, jealousy was only making ME miserable, not him. I really don't know if there is a cure for jealousy except life experience.. honestly I don't know.
Author pink smartie Posted March 22, 2008 Author Posted March 22, 2008 When I got older.. I thought that jealousy was a weakness that made my life miserable.. and that, since I can't control what the bf or SO is doing or even thinking, jealousy was only making ME miserable, not him. I like this perspective a lot. I feel like the way he presents these evening plans is designed to make me curious and jealous. What bugs me most is that it works.
Lizzie60 Posted March 22, 2008 Posted March 22, 2008 I like this perspective a lot. I feel like the way he presents these evening plans is designed to make me curious and jealous. What bugs me most is that it works. See.. that's a good start.. don't let this bugs you... if you know it's only to make you jealous.. don't bite... brush it off.. he'll eventually stops and if he feels that it doesn't bother you.. HE'LL get curious and jealous about you... it works every time. When a guy feels that the gf is independant, he's the one who is at her feet.. trust me on that one.
Trialbyfire Posted March 22, 2008 Posted March 22, 2008 pinksmartie, have the two of you had the exclusivity discussion?
Author pink smartie Posted March 22, 2008 Author Posted March 22, 2008 pinksmartie, have the two of you had the exclusivity discussion? Yes we did. He brought it up a few weeks after we started dating. We've been exclusive for two months now, dating for three. This is part of the reason why I don't understand why I get jealous. I don't believe he would cheat on me. He seems to be very into me, very caring, very giving. I wasn't very graceful on the phone. I said I hoped he had fun with all the girls from work. He chuckled and said he couldn't believe I was jealous, in a teasing way. I think he enjoys making me jealous. I'm not sure though. We have had similar conversations in the past, where he'll question me on why I am jealous and every time I deny it, mostly to myself. Tonight it was pretty obvious that I was jealous. I just don't get where the jealousy is coming from. I feel pretty secure in the relationship. As far as I know, I was never cheated on. My parents are still together and both of them were very present in my upbringing. I just don't get it.
Trialbyfire Posted March 22, 2008 Posted March 22, 2008 I think he enjoys making me jealous. This may be your answer. He's jacking with you. People always say that jealousy (which it isn't really, it's feeling territorial or possessive) stems from trust and insecurities within you. This is true, in some situations but not all. I would ask him in a tactful way, if he tries to make you feel this way. He'll deny it regardless but it also might make him stop, since you've gently called him on it.
Ocean-Blue Posted March 22, 2008 Posted March 22, 2008 PS, I don't think you are necessarily jealous just b/c you want to know what he's up to. It would strike me as odd if my bf were to volunteer info about his life but keep me out of the loop when it came to his evening plans. That would bother me a bit too. Are you jealous in any other areas of your R? How do you respond to female attention directed towards your bf?
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