mlchris2 Posted March 22, 2008 Posted March 22, 2008 I meet this girl... you can read from my last few posts. Im having trouble understanding where our relationship might be going and what she really wants. I've even flat out asked what she wants, but all i get is a round about answer. So i come seeking advice. So here we go... I meet this girl, she just got out of a 2 year relationship. She's amazing... not like other girls I've meet in the past 2 years. It started just IM and TXT each other throughout the day, then into the weekend. It's been about 3 months since we started chatting. We've "hung"out at my place. nothing too serious. We've had lunch a few times. We had our first official date the other day. I've even meet her parents. For the most part things are going great. She's dated *******s, so she says. She tells me she's never meet a guy like me. She says she's not used to the way I treat her, she likes it. She always tells me I make her laugh and smile, that I'm sweet. Well we talked one day about 2 weeks where things were going. She said the likes the direction things are heading and the speed it heading there.Then she tells me she's officially twitterpated. I responded with the same, cause thats how i really feel about her. she keeps asking me if I'm sick of her... I tell her no. What is that about? a few days ago, she asked if I was sick of her and i again said no... and added "I'm crazy about you!!". Her response was "I just dont wanna go to fast ya know?", then "I'm sorry I feel bad saying that to you. I'm just still recovering from the last relationship and not ready to jump into another one". My response was "I totally understand. lets just take it one day at a time". Now if Im reading her correct... she likes me, would like a relationship, but just isnt ready for one? So do I keep things how their going, doing the hangout, occasional date thing? Do you think I'm wasting my time? Do you think I might be chasing this girl for awhile (months) before something really happens? Im lookin for advice, recommendations, insight, etc. thanks, MC
AussieJack Posted March 22, 2008 Posted March 22, 2008 I meet this girl... you can read from my last few posts. Im having trouble understanding where our relationship might be going and what she really wants. I've even flat out asked what she wants, but all i get is a round about answer. So i come seeking advice. So here we go... I meet this girl, she just got out of a 2 year relationship. She's amazing... not like other girls I've meet in the past 2 years. It started just IM and TXT each other throughout the day, then into the weekend. It's been about 3 months since we started chatting. We've "hung"out at my place. nothing too serious. We've had lunch a few times. We had our first official date the other day. I've even meet her parents. For the most part things are going great. She's dated *******s, so she says. She tells me she's never meet a guy like me. She says she's not used to the way I treat her, she likes it. She always tells me I make her laugh and smile, that I'm sweet. Well we talked one day about 2 weeks where things were going. She said the likes the direction things are heading and the speed it heading there.Then she tells me she's officially twitterpated. I responded with the same, cause thats how i really feel about her. she keeps asking me if I'm sick of her... I tell her no. What is that about? a few days ago, she asked if I was sick of her and i again said no... and added "I'm crazy about you!!". Her response was "I just dont wanna go to fast ya know?", then "I'm sorry I feel bad saying that to you. I'm just still recovering from the last relationship and not ready to jump into another one". My response was "I totally understand. lets just take it one day at a time". Now if Im reading her correct... she likes me, would like a relationship, but just isnt ready for one? So do I keep things how their going, doing the hangout, occasional date thing? Do you think I'm wasting my time? Do you think I might be chasing this girl for awhile (months) before something really happens? Im lookin for advice, recommendations, insight, etc. thanks, MC Ahh ! another rookie lost in the dating jungle and separated from his unit.. You are "rebound guy " - do you understand what that means? Obviously not, otherwise you would not have gotten yourself into this pothole. I could go on and on about why she is " controlling the frame" and talk to you ad infinitum about how you have no " battle strategy" and you need to re- establish the rules of engagement . I could lecture you on how to estabish high Interest Level in her BEFORE you create COMFORT ( which you have done, but you have done it backwards) I could go on about how women like this exploit vulnerable men purely for Validation and an EGO-gasm and how they feed the guy a few crumbs to keep him around but always keep him hungry..I could teel you the secret of how to weed out these weeds before they strangle you.. Yeah, I could do all that but I am heading out on a "dance date" with my 20 year old hottie who said in her last email " I can't wait to see you.." Maybe I will write you again tomorrow when I get my energy back..!
whichwayisup Posted March 22, 2008 Posted March 22, 2008 She's not ready for any relationship, so take it slow, definately. Look, if this girl has only dated scumbags and guys who treated her badly, then she has some insecurities and hang up's, some emotional baggage from it all. She is used to having men treat her in a not so good way...Then you come along, a nice guy whom she likes...She's scared. She feels she doesn't deserve to be treated like a queen... All you can do is give her time and space, but let her know that you DO like her and are interested. Don't push it..
Yamaha Posted March 22, 2008 Posted March 22, 2008 Ahh ! another rookie lost in the dating jungle and separated from his unit.. You are "rebound guy " - do you understand what that means? Obviously not, otherwise you would not have gotten yourself into this pothole. I could go on and on about why she is " controlling the frame" and talk to you ad infinitum about how you have no " battle strategy" and you need to re- establish the rules of engagement . I could lecture you on how to estabish high Interest Level in her BEFORE you create COMFORT ( which you have done, but you have done it backwards) I could go on about how women like this exploit vulnerable men purely for Validation and an EGO-gasm and how they feed the guy a few crumbs to keep him around but always keep him hungry..I could teel you the secret of how to weed out these weeds before they strangle you.. Yeah, I could do all that but I am heading out on a "dance date" with my 20 year old hottie who said in her last email " I can't wait to see you.." Maybe I will write you again tomorrow when I get my energy back..! Totally agree with aussiejack. If she had real interest level it would not matter that she just got out of a relationship. She would not want to take the chance of losing you. You need to tell her what you want and then be prepared to walk away if she hem-haws around about needing months of time to decide. If she really wants to be with you she will not give you the chance to slip away.
whichwayisup Posted March 22, 2008 Posted March 22, 2008 Hey Yammy, where the heck have you been??? If she had real interest level it would not matter that she just got out of a relationship. She would not want to take the chance of losing you Yes and no. IF she is used to dating jerks then she is going to have some issues and insecurities, hense not being ready for a serious relationship.
dreamergrl Posted March 22, 2008 Posted March 22, 2008 I see nothing wrong with her wanting to take things slow if she's been treated bad. I think you'd be more of a rebound if she jumped in head first right off the bat. I find it a good thing that she is taking the time to sort herself out from previous bad relationships before nose diving into another. Give it some time and see where things are in a month or two.
Yamaha Posted March 22, 2008 Posted March 22, 2008 Hey Yammy, where the heck have you been??? Ive been busy whichway with the new gf. We are getting along but have our us and downs. How have you been? I still think if you give her 2 much time you will become to comfortable and she will find it hard to move from that level. There is nothing wrong in telling her you like her and will wait 4 a time but you have your limits. If you see it stalling and she just won't move it forward then it is time to cut-bait.
theOtherMan Posted March 22, 2008 Posted March 22, 2008 To be honest I would like to believe the women and tell you that this girl is trying to get things right. However, the internal "paranoia" that you are being taken for a ride makes ..jack's suggestion very plausible. If I was in your shoes I would probably press the issue, but I've ruined budding relationships that way.... A friend of mine sent me a link to http://www.webinarch.com - a free seminar to understanding women better - I'll check it out, it might be of some interest to you as well
Author mlchris2 Posted March 22, 2008 Author Posted March 22, 2008 Aussie, I had a feeling you'd comment on this one. You do give some great advice, You truly do. I wish I had a 1/3 of the knowledge you do... in due time. I like the idea of giving her space and time. I know how she feels. If after a few months, would i be making a mistake if I gave her an ultimatum... would it ruin the friendship we've built? I rly dont want to do that. Its not me. I dont want to put time and effort into something that isnt going anywhere either. What things might I do or say causing me to push the issue? Do i just not ask her about where were headed or say things like "im crazy about you", etc? Do i still continue to ask her out, have her over, talk to her ALL DAY LONG?
Author mlchris2 Posted March 24, 2008 Author Posted March 24, 2008 I had to add some other questions. I spent the entire weekend stressing. I didnt talk with her all weekend, and it killed me. I know I'm growning more and more fond of this girl as the days go by. I am afraid I might do or say something that will hurt where things have come, if i dont do something What do I do?
mortensorchid Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 You're the rebound man for her. She is going to control and manipulate you because she didn't get the opportunity to do so in the last relationship. Don't let this gal yank your chain, even if she says she doesn't mean to. The first thing to do is end it, and say that you think she needs time to readjust to being alone. After a year or so, she'll be back to normal and maybe you will have a chance. Otherwise, don't let this woman push you around.
AussieJack Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 I had to add some other questions. I spent the entire weekend stressing. I didnt talk with her all weekend, and it killed me. I know I'm growning more and more fond of this girl as the days go by. I am afraid I might do or say something that will hurt where things have come, if i dont do something What do I do? I am going to give you advice that you may not want to here but you NEED to here .. Here is what you do - you go to the bathroom mirror and look at the lovesick chump looking back at you. You give him a slap and say to him. " A woman is not the reason I am on this planet. I AM THE REASON." Then you make a list of all the things that you can do to bring VALUE to your life.... Gym, training, sports, dance, nutrition.,recreation, school , career and so on. These are the things of real value ...get started and you will find that the more you improve your life the more quality women will enter it.
Author mlchris2 Posted March 27, 2008 Author Posted March 27, 2008 WOW!!! Believe it or not, it wasn't the first time I've been given that same advice this week. I think somewhere along the line. I got trapped in a "crush" situation. Ive come to realize... if something is to happen with me and this girl, then it will. Thanks for everyone's advice and i will try to start living for myself and not someone else.
Ebeleptik38 Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 Yeah she is definitely not ready for anything serious yet....do yourself a favor and don't do the mistake that i usually do and fall for her to hard. Play hard to get if you can without having to go against being yourself. Maybe put yourself out of the picture a little more and make her want you. But now you've gotten this far, don't press anymore issues about how much you like her...it could scare her off.
Quiksilver ca Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 she likes me, would like a relationship, but just isnt ready for one? Boiled down to: She wants to keep her options open incase a better guy comes along. She also wants to sleep around some more and have the best sex of her life, before settling into a relationship. My advice: Don't cage wild birds.
Krytie TV Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 I dont really even think it's about keeping her options open. I think she's using you for companionship -until- another person comes along that she does want to date. If she wanted you, you'd know it.
Author mlchris2 Posted April 8, 2008 Author Posted April 8, 2008 well now im starting to wonder... the last few comments came with some real good advice.
TheFonz Posted April 8, 2008 Posted April 8, 2008 You are heading into the friend's zone if you aren't there already with her. I suspect you are. You don't want to take this slow, (she means sex right? I'm guessing you havent had sex with her yet right?) She's leading you right to the friend zone and you are following and agreeing with her. If you are going to listen to anything she says, why didn't you listen to the part where she said she "always gets into sexual relations with a*sholes."? You need to push your agenda and not follow hers. If she won't align with your agenda, then either walk away or setle with being her sexless chump.
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