MsJJ Posted March 22, 2008 Posted March 22, 2008 Sequel to the "is it that scary to date me" entry. Ok, I just got off the phone with "D". He called, and I was completely out of breath, didn't recognize the number, so i answered. He asked what I was doing, and I answered it honestly. I was moving one of my empty fish tanks upstairs. him-how big is the tank? me-38 gallons him-and you moved that all by yourself? me-yeah, its empty though, no water or anything. him-so you're a pretty tough chick then huh? I didn't know what to say! i giggled...i thought about what everyone said, be less aggressive and all that. Then he asked me if I knew who he was, which I didn't get a chance to respond before he said this is T's friend D. I have met him a couple of times here and there through one of my friends. He is friends with her husband. About a week ago he asked T for my number, and he gave it to him. So I said to him oh ok, how have you been? and he said fine busy with work, glad for the weekend to be here. So then he said "I guess you are busy then tonight?" and I replied with no not really. Then there was silence..... So I asked "what are your plans for tonight?" He said he was gonna go out with some of his buddies. Then he said he just wanted to give me a call and see how i was doing and that he had to get going. He said sorry for the short call and didn't mean to cut me off, but he had to go. So I said ok. And we hung up. He didn't ask me out for tonight or say he would call again... I know this isn't a date but it was a phone call from someone who wanted to ask me out (so i was told by my friends husband). I don't get or see what I did wrong or how I managed to screw that up lol. Was it the fish tank? lol
Replicant Posted March 22, 2008 Posted March 22, 2008 I know this isn't a date but it was a phone call from someone who wanted to ask me out (so i was told by my friends husband). I don't get or see what I did wrong or how I managed to screw that up lol. Was it the fish tank? lol As strange as it may seem based on your previous threads, you didn't do anything wrong here Just because you were power lifting empty fish tanks which left you winded on the phone, would not even phase me if my intentions were to ask the girl out, if anything it makes conversation at that point or continues it.... So unless that which you did really showed him up to the point he backed right down, no loss here then! He had a good opportunity to play with words or make light of your panting on the phone, THEN get to the real intention of calling in the first place and ask you out on a date. I honestly think the dude backed down, wasn't interested or just plain screwed up. Not worth investing much thought into the 'why'.
blind_otter Posted March 22, 2008 Posted March 22, 2008 I don't think you did anything wrong from what you wrote. Maybe he just had second thoughts, or his balls suddenly shrunk up into his body cavity.
garnet Posted March 22, 2008 Posted March 22, 2008 It sounds to me like he intended on asking you out but then chickened out. Was there anything in your tone that may have made him think you might not be interested or were less than enthusiastic to hear from him? I know that I can sometimes come off as aloof even when I'm really interested in someone, usually because I'm really nervous.
Star Gazer Posted March 22, 2008 Posted March 22, 2008 It sounds to me like he intended on asking you out but then chickened out. Was there anything in your tone that may have made him think you might not be interested or were less than enthusiastic to hear from him? Spot on. I imagine you sounding a little distracted and unenthusiastic about hearing from him, which made him think, "Why bother?"
Author MsJJ Posted March 24, 2008 Author Posted March 24, 2008 Thank you for the input, everyone . Well, I was a little bit caught off guard, bc yes I was in the middle of moving my fish tank. It's all glass and I had to be super careful, plus it wasn't exactly light lol. I didn't expect him to call so it was a nice surprise but yeah I was caught off guard. But to me, though, if a guy is that sensitive and would give up on me bc I wasn't jumping for joy when he called...then I don't wanna bother. Things happen during the day and night, and some of us just can't be giggly 24/7 lol. And I was also nervous and careful not to sound too aggressive...I didn't want to come across like...yeah lifting the tank..rawwwwr! beat that little man! lololol jk. But thank you all for the input hehehe, I appreciate it
NuTuDating Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 I agree, you didn't do anything wrong here, he wussed out. 38 gallon tanks aren't that heavy empty.
Phateless Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 DUDE!!!! Enough with the fish-tank, lol. YOU didn't do anything wrong. HE DID! You said you weren't doing anything which was an open invitation for him to ask you out. He was too chicken. He probably hung up the phone and then proceeded to hit himself in the head while calling himself an idiot, which he is, because he should have asked you out! (shaking my head right now) You played it perfectly. He wanted to invite you out with his buddies but he wussed out. Why didn't he ask you for your number himself? He wussed out there too. On the plus side, you know this guy has NO GAME, so you can probably take him at face value and trust him.
NuTuDating Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 I didn't expect him to call so it was a nice surprise but yeah I was caught off guard. But to me, though, if a guy is that sensitive and would give up on me bc I wasn't jumping for joy when he called...then I don't wanna bother. Things happen during the day and night, and some of us just can't be giggly 24/7 lol. And I was also nervous and careful not to sound too aggressive...I didn't want to come across like...yeah lifting the tank..rawwwwr! beat that little man! lololol jk. But thank you all for the input hehehe, I appreciate it I think you're maybe missing the point. Again, I think this guy missed the boat, but I think intimidation is NOT the problem. It's an interest issue. You come across, at least from my point of view, as just not giving a **** about people who are pursuing you. And from a guy's standpoint, it's not necessarily being sensitive, it's just that most normal people continue to pursue someone who shows interest. Again, I've NEVER met a woman who intimidated me. Never. I've dated pretty damn hot girls. I've dated some who were fairly strong and competitive. That's FUN, not intimidating. I could give a **** if a woman can carry a 38 gallon fish tank. I might make a comment about it poking fun at them, which sounds like what he was doing, but he wasn't intimidated. Promise. I have ALSO dated girls who either were not interested or acted like they weren't interested, and frankly, I'm not going to get upset about it, I move on and find someone who IS interested. If you're not interested, no need to pretend. If you are interested, and you STILL act like you're not interested, they're going to go elsewhere. No, you can't be giggly 24/7, but you can show interest, if indeed you are interested.
dreamergrl Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 Next time a guy opens up with asking if you're busy or whatever, why not try just saying "No I'm not, would you be interested in grabbing come coffee" or if you are busy, mention that you are but ask if they'd like to get together at a later date.
serial muse Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 I know it's gossipy, but can you ask your friend's husband to get the scoop on what the he!! happened? Because I don't get it. I don't see how someone set on asking you out would suddenly change his mind like that. Even if you were nervous and not totally flirty, you did say 1. I'm not doing anything tonight; and 2. What are you doing tonight? Those are open invitations to ask you out. And then for him to say 'sorry for the short phone call but gotta go' is pretty rude. Either he was really hurt or he was really chicken. I don't know. Is there anything else that was said?
NuTuDating Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 I know it's gossipy, but can you ask your friend's husband to get the scoop on what the he!! happened? Because I don't get it. I don't see how someone set on asking you out would suddenly change his mind like that. Even if you were nervous and not totally flirty, you did say 1. I'm not doing anything tonight; and 2. What are you doing tonight? Those are open invitations to ask you out. And then for him to say 'sorry for the short phone call but gotta go' is pretty rude. Either he was really hurt or he was really chicken. I don't know. Is there anything else that was said? That might be one route to go and would help verify some of the OP's concerns. Though I have a feeling that the answer will be something along the lines of "I was going to ask her out, but she didn't sound interested..."
Author MsJJ Posted March 24, 2008 Author Posted March 24, 2008 Next time a guy opens up with asking if you're busy or whatever, why not try just saying "No I'm not, would you be interested in grabbing come coffee" or if you are busy, mention that you are but ask if they'd like to get together at a later date. eeeek! lol call me a CHICKEN...I have a hard time with that. I know it's gossipy, but can you ask your friend's husband to get the scoop on what the he!! happened? Because I don't get it. Yeah I am actually gonna ask her if she knows. I am curious myself lol.
Author MsJJ Posted March 24, 2008 Author Posted March 24, 2008 My friend that is...I am gonna ask her if she knows anything. her and her hubby talk about everything... they are the best of friends.
dreamergrl Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 eeeek! lol call me a CHICKEN...I have a hard time with that. Me too, but if needed I push myself to get over it. Look, if they are calling you, then they are obviously interested. You aren't sending out the right signals - just straight up being forward and asking will sum up that your interested.
Author MsJJ Posted March 24, 2008 Author Posted March 24, 2008 Dreamergirl- yeah you know whats really funny? I can be soo outgoing in soo many other areas. I can do a presentation in front of a 1000 ppl and not even sweat it. But for some reason when it comes to dating, and I kinda like the guy then I turn into a clam and I just can't bring myself to initiate. I always hear my moms voice in the back of my head saying "it's not feminine to ask men out or ask them first.".
dreamergrl Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 Dreamergirl- yeah you know whats really funny? I can be soo outgoing in soo many other areas. I can do a presentation in front of a 1000 ppl and not even sweat it. But for some reason when it comes to dating, and I kinda like the guy then I turn into a clam and I just can't bring myself to initiate. I always hear my moms voice in the back of my head saying "it's not feminine to ask men out or ask them first.". Oh trust me, I understand, I really do. I was real bad when I was younger. I used to be real bad at picking up on signals guys would send too. I'm just suggesting it for next time - see what happens. I mean don't go all out and just randomly ask a guy out - but if he's opening the door up for it, nail it in lol
Author MsJJ Posted March 24, 2008 Author Posted March 24, 2008 Hehe I will try and do my best! thanks for all your input!
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