brenda collins Posted March 21, 2008 Posted March 21, 2008 (edited) Along with all my other dating dramas, lies another massive issue. I am completely in love with my best guy friend... I have known him since I was 11. He has a girlfriend, who he absolutely adores but there is def something between us. We are very flirty and touchy feely with each other, although he is quite a flirty person by nature, so this could be the way he treats all his close female friends. We have the same group of friends, and they are always saying there is something between us and we will end up together. His girlfriend has now gone away for six months travelling, but they have agreed they both want to make it work. sometimes he asks me for advice on problems he has with her, which is obviously really hard for me as he is completely oblivious of my feelings towards him. This summer five of our group have planned to spend two weeks in my villa in spain. He is coming, without the girlfriend, as she cannot afford to come, and everyone else is coming in couples, which means me and him will be spending a lot of time together. I really need advice, am i wrong to want something to happen with us, can this ever lead anywhere?? Edited March 22, 2008 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Pocky Posted March 21, 2008 Posted March 21, 2008 I'm a firm believer in 'honesty is the best policy' for these types of situations. I'd tell him how you feel. If you have as strong of a friendship as it sounds you'll be able to work through it if he doesn't feel the same way. I've had my best-friend tell me they were in love with me; I tried dating, but it didn't work out on my part. Too much of a sibling feeling for me, but it didn't affect the friendship. We still consider each other a 'best friend'.
Replicant Posted March 21, 2008 Posted March 21, 2008 In 12 years if he has not moved towards you as relationship material, you are friend-zone quality plain and simple. So now that he's in a relationship he's enjoying you are contemplating the issue of pressuring him to cheat!? It's one thing if he leaves the relationship on his own terms without any meddling of yours, it's a whole other thing if you are the direct cause of it. Do you want to be that person? Move on, find someone whom isn't already taken.
sam light Posted March 21, 2008 Posted March 21, 2008 "Brenda Collins" is a real sounding name. Any possbility the OP is posting under someone elses real name to harm the real person? Maybe, maybe not, but it's possible.
Little Shy Posted March 21, 2008 Posted March 21, 2008 In 12 years if he has not moved towards you as relationship material, you are friend-zone quality plain and simple. So now that he's in a relationship he's enjoying you are contemplating the issue of pressuring him to cheat!? It's one thing if he leaves the relationship on his own terms without any meddling of yours, it's a whole other thing if you are the direct cause of it. Do you want to be that person? Move on, find someone whom isn't already taken. Replicant's advice may sound a bit harsh, but it is so, so true. I've got to tell you BC, it's not the same for guys as it is for gals. 2 times in my life I harbored what I affectionately refer to as "secret fantasies" for men that I was very good friends of for lengths of time. I watched them date other girls as we "flirted" and had "great chemistry" with one another. Then they break up with the girl, or vice versa, and did they try & date me? No. & Why? because they DIDNT WANT TO. If you & this guy have both been single & in each others lives for as long as you mention, he is not interested in having you as a girlfriend. Guys don't just drift along in these hazy soap opera like dream zones like we women sometimes do..."I wonder if he is secretly in love with me, but just hasn't come around to working his nerve up yet, it's just not the right timing". No, that's our world. Men, as far as I can tell are action orientated. If he likes you, he's gonna try & date you. More girlie advice: A VILLA IN SPAIN?? Please just concentrate on having an excellent time with your friends there, and DO NOT put all of your energies pre-trip on to trying to make this clandestine affair with your friend work. Just go have a great time with your friends, you don't want to end up drunkenly crying in your wine the last night of the trip because you divulge your "true feelings" to your friend because the wine & the moon light are right. Enjoy this guys company on your trip as a good friend, because it's sounds as if you sure have one in him.
dreamergrl Posted March 22, 2008 Posted March 22, 2008 Not to sound harsh... but considering all your posts - how can you be in love with your best friend, when you're smitten for the man who's been stringing you along for the last 8 months? Maybe it's time to let go of these guys and start fresh?
Author brenda collins Posted March 22, 2008 Author Posted March 22, 2008 your so right. I dont know why but I just seem to fall in love so so easily.
dreamergrl Posted March 22, 2008 Posted March 22, 2008 your so right. I dont know why but I just seem to fall in love so so easily. I think it's called lust
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 22, 2008 Posted March 22, 2008 He has a girlfriend, who he absolutely adores Why do you insist on pursuing men who can't and won't give you the relationship that you want and need? Perhaps instead of questioning the men in your life, you should question yourself and why you have this self destructive dating pattern.
Cobra_X30 Posted March 22, 2008 Posted March 22, 2008 your so right. I dont know why but I just seem to fall in love so so easily. Yes... it's the male attention. I've known plenty of women with the same issue. I think you should work to fix it. If you don't it will haunt you forever! Think, where does that need come from? What was your family like? Dad around much?... ect. Understanding is the first step.
dreamergrl Posted March 22, 2008 Posted March 22, 2008 Yes... it's the male attention. I've known plenty of women with the same issue. I think you should work to fix it. If you don't it will haunt you forever! Think, where does that need come from? What was your family like? Dad around much?... ect. Understanding is the first step. Cobra! You're so good at asking all the right questions!
AriaIncognito Posted March 22, 2008 Posted March 22, 2008 Yes... it's the male attention. I've known plenty of women with the same issue. I think you should work to fix it. If you don't it will haunt you forever! Think, where does that need come from? What was your family like? Dad around much?... ect. Understanding is the first step. I agree that understanding is indeed the first step, but then, what does one do once they understand? In my case I can understand that I didn't have a father growing up so I might seek male attention or crave it moreso. So then with that knowledge, what would the OP do with it once they admitted to it? Just curious, for both our sakes hehe
Lizzie60 Posted March 22, 2008 Posted March 22, 2008 Along with all my other dating dramas, lies another massive issue. I am completely in love with my best guy friend... I have known him since I was 11. He has a girlfriend, who he absolutely adores but there is def something between us. We are very flirty and touchy feely with each other, although he is quite a flirty person by nature, so this could be the way he treats all his close female friends. We have the same group of friends, and they are always saying there is something between us and we will end up together. His girlfriend has now gone away for six months travelling, but they have agreed they both want to make it work. sometimes he asks me for advice on problems he has with her, which is obviously really hard for me as he is completely oblivious of my feelings towards him. This summer five of our group have planned to spend two weeks in my villa in spain. He is coming, without the girlfriend, as she cannot afford to come, and everyone else is coming in couples, which means me and him will be spending a lot of time together. I really need advice, am i wrong to want something to happen with us, can this ever lead anywhere?? Not really.. but you know dam well that you will be the one who will get hurt in the end.. This might compromise your friendship with him.. he might not have the same level of 'best friendshipism' as you do.. he might see you as a good opportunity to have sex.. and might lose respect in the end... I say 'go for it' if you don't mind losing your friendship. it will never be the same after..
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