4givrnt4gtr Posted March 21, 2008 Posted March 21, 2008 (edited) So, last nite my bf of almost 10 months took me out to watch a movie. While the show started we went to a bar and had a drink while we chatted for a bit. Somehow we got into the whole first impression thing. I told him i thought he hadnt liked me on our first date. He said he usually gives that vibe, and seems like he cant pick up cues from girls correctly either. He then said he blames that on no being around females while growing up since he went to an all boys school, focused on sports and had no sisters. Then, he mentioned how even now, if he walks into a room full of women, he walks right out, as he doesnt feel comfortable, and that once, when he was a kid and his aunt gave him a kiss and a hug, he ran and hid in a car crying until she left. He then told me that what had helped us get this far was chatting. I thought he meant us talking but then he said no, actual aim messenger. I asked him why and he told me that if it hadnt been because we constantly keep in touch through aim, we wouldnt have come this far. That he had always started seeing women, but then got involved in his own life and never talked to them again. That to him romancing women was awkward, so the whole "calling after the third day" or calling every single day was awkward so he wouldnt do it and consequently, his dates wouldnt last long. He feels that If we hadnt kept constant communication thru aim, he feels it would have happened with me too. I was offended by that. Right after that comment I felt like the only reason why we are together is because i made it easy for him, otherwise, he wouldnt have bothered. Granted, he has always been the one who initiates contact, whether by aim, text or phone, but still. Later I asked him why he dated if he thought it was such a hassle. He explained to me that it wasnt about the hassle as much as it was his issue with how he viewed women. He said that since he was little he viewed women as "superior" and although he had let go of a lot of that view, he still feel a bit awkward. He then said that since he and I got to talk more thru chat, he was able to let go of those feelings with me and get closer than he had with anyone else. After that explanation I felt a bit better, but im still bothered by the idea that he wouldnt have made an effort if it wasnt cuz we chatted thru aim often. Would anyone else feel the same?? I love him very much, and seems like we're getting more serious as time goes by. I dont doubt he cares for me very much, but still, that comment bothered me. Im really wondering why. Edited March 21, 2008 by 4givrnt4gtr
Kamille Posted March 21, 2008 Posted March 21, 2008 But he told you that, thanks to you, he is making the effort to face his fears about women. Sounds like a pretty solid effort to me.
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted March 21, 2008 Author Posted March 21, 2008 But he told you that, thanks to you, he is making the effort to face his fears about women. Sounds like a pretty solid effort to me. Hi Kam! thanks for posting, i always love your advice. I know he is making a lot of effort, specially given his issues with women, which i knew nothing of til last nite. I mean sure he always said he wasnt good with women, but didnt know to what extend. I guess i want to know if someone else would feel the way i felt about the messenger comment. As some of you know i tend to overanalyze and be extra sensitive to silly stuff, and I wanted to know if this was one of those times....
Pocky Posted March 21, 2008 Posted March 21, 2008 I don't see why you're bothered by this - he's basically saying that things worked out in such a way that it actually allowed him to be able to meet you and continue a relationshp with you. Sounds like one of those 'fate' conversations - everything fit perfectly so that it would work out. If your relationship didn't have this attribute then it wouldn't have worked with you - again - sounds like a 'it was meant to be' conversation to me.
Kamille Posted March 21, 2008 Posted March 21, 2008 I don't see why you're bothered by this - he's basically saying that things worked out in such a way that it actually allowed him to be able to meet you and continue a relationshp with you. Sounds like one of those 'fate' conversations - everything fit perfectly so that it would work out. If your relationship didn't have this attribute then it wouldn't have worked with you - again - sounds like a 'it was meant to be' conversation to me. Exactly. It had to be you 4giv.
curiousnycgirl Posted March 21, 2008 Posted March 21, 2008 That's how I would have read it as well. It worked with you, because you were available (via aim). I think the whole conversation is great!
tanbark813 Posted March 21, 2008 Posted March 21, 2008 I dont doubt he cares for me very much, but still, that comment bothered me. Im really wondering why. I think because women tend to be more concerned with how special they are to their SO. They want that movie scene where the guy runs towards them in slow motion in the rain while a monster ballad plays in the background and the guy declares his undying love while maintaining a sensitive, but still masculine, demeanor. He was just giving you the practical reasoning behind what helped things work out. I wouldn't sweat it.
Trimmer Posted March 21, 2008 Posted March 21, 2008 I think because women tend to be more concerned with how special they are to their SO. They want that movie scene where the guy runs towards them in slow motion in the rain while a monster ballad plays in the background and the guy declares his undying love while maintaining a sensitive, but still masculine, demeanor. He was just giving you the practical reasoning behind what helped things work out. I wouldn't sweat it. ...and in fact, you are special, because he made the decision to push through the barriers of which he is quite conscious, in order to get closer to you. Don't be offended: his barriers are not about who you are, they are about who he is. Rather, someone "worth it" (you) finally came along who motivated him to push through.
dreamergrl Posted March 21, 2008 Posted March 21, 2008 I think it's awesome that he chose to share this with you. Not only did he make an extra effort to make things work with you, he feels comfortable enough with you to share his thoughts and fears. I think that shows a lot considering the difficulties he's had with dating! Don't look at it as a bad thing - be proud that he chose you to push through everything with!
JurassicWarrior Posted March 21, 2008 Posted March 21, 2008 While the show started we went to a bar and had a drink while we chatted for a bit. What kind of beer?
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