Meg4131 Posted March 23, 2008 Share Posted March 23, 2008 That's actually one way to spot a liar- many of their stories go into extreme detail because they want you to BELIEVE that these things are happening. They feel that the more details they give, the less likely they are to get caught. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishy Posted March 23, 2008 Author Share Posted March 23, 2008 Yes its scary, the detail. I still dont know whether its ok that he lied to someone online, or whether its just bad that he lied to one of us. What if Im wrong and he IS in melbourne and all he was doing was lying to someone online that he has never met? Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted March 23, 2008 Share Posted March 23, 2008 all he was doing was lying to someone online that he has never met? Does this make his lying acceptable? This appears to be a form of justification, so it makes it okay for him to lie. Link to post Share on other sites
SeraBella Posted March 23, 2008 Share Posted March 23, 2008 Does this make his lying acceptable? This appears to be a form of justification, so it makes it okay for him to lie. I also feel that you are trying to find a way to justify his lying. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishy Posted March 23, 2008 Author Share Posted March 23, 2008 I also feel that you are trying to find a way to justify his lying. Maybe, or maybe I just thought it might be less of a crime to lie to a stranger he has never met.....but then it comes back to the fact (and i dont think there are many facts in this whole story) the fact that maybe people who lie dont lie exclusively to particular people?? That people who lie can lie across the board to a range of people in their lives? Or maybe they only lie to people that arent very close to them like me?? I just havent come across a liar (that i know of) like this before. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishy Posted March 24, 2008 Author Share Posted March 24, 2008 Thanks for everybodys help and patience:rolleyes: with me on this lying b Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishy Posted March 24, 2008 Author Share Posted March 24, 2008 I guess I found it hard to let go because it was an issue of scruples that i was struggling with - does it matter to lie to someone online? Does that mean the person lies all the time... and I suppose I was feeling guilty for blasting him based on that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishy Posted March 26, 2008 Author Share Posted March 26, 2008 I was starting to feel like my old self again, that its all over etc .... but Ive been having thoughts about sex with him, and reminiscing about that, you know, idealizing it, and thinking, "what if i made a mistake" what if he was just lying to my friend online, what if i made a mistake.. i know,, its crazy,... its just a relapse. I stil havent resolved the whole "is it ok to lie to someone online thing, and should i have dumped him over that" I need some advice as im having a relapse. Im trying to keep busy at work but thoughts are creeping in. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishy Posted March 26, 2008 Author Share Posted March 26, 2008 Also- in the final email where i dumped him - i told him never to contact me again and that i didnt want to see him - so even if he wanted to explain why he lied then he wouldnt. I left no doors open at all .....and i still dont know what the truth is. sorry for still posting about this- i AM trying to resolve it Link to post Share on other sites
Meg4131 Posted March 26, 2008 Share Posted March 26, 2008 It's okay to still be bothered about this. It takes time to get over. But....I'll give you the bottom line again just to reinforce the point. He LIED. This wasn't a misunderstanding, this wasn't a little white lie, this wasn't even an average lie. This lie, no matter if it was to you or the woman online, was a SERIOUS, DEFAMING, CHARACTER-LOSING LIE which has serious implications. It doesn't matter who it was to because a lie like this is unacceptable and absolutely DEMANDS the end of the relationship...no matter what. You were absolutely correct in telling him off and to never contact you again. If there were absolutely any reason to explain his behavior (which there isn't) he would have come crawling back to you on his knees, begging for your forgiveness, and try to explain what he'd done (once again, there is no acceptable explanation for this behavior). Not to be harsh, but he knows that he's been caught and he's going to cut his losses since he's been found out and he's going to find someone else who will believe his lies. So in my opinion, stay away from this man because you DESERVE so much better. If you think he's bad now...what will he be like in the future? The answer is...WORSE! Move on and look forward to finding the wonderful man that's waiting for you in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishy Posted March 26, 2008 Author Share Posted March 26, 2008 It's okay to still be bothered about this. It takes time to get over. But....I'll give you the bottom line again just to reinforce the point. He LIED. This wasn't a misunderstanding, this wasn't a little white lie, this wasn't even an average lie. This lie, no matter if it was to you or the woman online, was a SERIOUS, DEFAMING, CHARACTER-LOSING LIE which has serious implications. It doesn't matter who it was to because a lie like this is unacceptable and absolutely DEMANDS the end of the relationship...no matter what. You were absolutely correct in telling him off and to never contact you again. If there were absolutely any reason to explain his behavior (which there isn't) he would have come crawling back to you on his knees, begging for your forgiveness, and try to explain what he'd done (once again, there is no acceptable explanation for this behavior). Not to be harsh, but he knows that he's been caught and he's going to cut his losses since he's been found out and he's going to find someone else who will believe his lies. So in my opinion, stay away from this man because you DESERVE so much better. If you think he's bad now...what will he be like in the future? The answer is...WORSE! Move on and look forward to finding the wonderful man that's waiting for you in the future. Thanks Meg. I guess it was rubbing salt in the wound that when i confronted him on the phone about it (twice) he said nothing and hung up. Emailed him and got nothing back. So even though I can see that it was bcos he knew was caught out, I was hurt that he didnt say a single word. Nothing. I know you are right, and i am trying to get over it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mishy Posted April 2, 2008 Author Share Posted April 2, 2008 Just to update: Its a little over 2 weeks since he lied and Ofcourse I never did find out what was the truth was. And i resolved that even if i ever bumped into him and asked him, whatever was to come out of his mouth would probably be a lie anyway. I was very harsh in the email I sent after, which was probably unnecessary, but I was so angry. Most of the hurt was the fact that he told me he was out of town because he wanted to end things. And yet when i was talking to him on the phone he was saying he wanted to see me when he got "back". It is mind boggling to me if he actually made up the whole melbourne story from start to finish. The detail. Anyway Ive met someone else and I've got my radar out. lol Link to post Share on other sites
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