Aquarius Rising Posted March 21, 2008 Posted March 21, 2008 I am posting here because I have broken NC with the OM and now I am feeling really lost. I originally posted on Infidelity forum in Jan and again earlier this month. We agreed to start NC on Feb 14 and that went well until he phoned me 2 weeks later to warn me that his wife was sending me an abusive letter by post, which I had received a day earlier. I was angry, confused and felt that I was the scapegoat for all of her anger while he was the innocent victim. Some of you suggested I seek legal advice immediately which I havn't done, but I did keep the letter. 2 weeks later, I collapsed in a weak moment and emailed through an MP3 of a song. I did also mention that I had been offered some work singing in a couple of venues. He replied and said he'd been checking everyday for updates from me and could I let him know what the venues were. I sat on this for a week, and read all kinds of things into it. I started working on a slide show of pics that illustrated our brief relationship, like a montage. I completed it and felt better that I had not imagined it all, that in fact it had been real and then I sent him a copy. He has not replied, although I did send 2 emails, the first was quite detailed about how my feelings for him really havn't changed, the 2nd was just to say, don't respond. I'm still on a see-saw. My H doesn't know about the recent contact, but he does know about the affair. I don't deserve sympathy. I guess I would just like to hear from anyone who struggled to get off the see-saw but eventually was able to move on. My thoughts and feelings are sending me in a downward spiral (self-inflicted) and I just need to talk. I am confused about why I cannot let this man go (emotionally). I do love my H but I am really worried about the future with him. We've had alot of counselling already. AR
Lyssa Posted March 21, 2008 Posted March 21, 2008 I am confused about why I cannot let this man go (emotionally). I do love my H but I am really worried about the future with him. We've had alot of counselling already. AR Hi AR - your H knows about the A and he's still with you, right? Why can't you concentrate on working on your M? I know it's not easy to do but your H has given you another chance, shouldn't that mean something to you?
Meaplus3 Posted March 21, 2008 Posted March 21, 2008 I am posting here because I have broken NC with the OM and now I am feeling really lost. I originally posted on Infidelity forum in Jan and again earlier this month. We agreed to start NC on Feb 14 and that went well until he phoned me 2 weeks later to warn me that his wife was sending me an abusive letter by post, which I had received a day earlier. I was angry, confused and felt that I was the scapegoat for all of her anger while he was the innocent victim. Some of you suggested I seek legal advice immediately which I havn't done, but I did keep the letter. 2 weeks later, I collapsed in a weak moment and emailed through an MP3 of a song. I did also mention that I had been offered some work singing in a couple of venues. He replied and said he'd been checking everyday for updates from me and could I let him know what the venues were. I sat on this for a week, and read all kinds of things into it. I started working on a slide show of pics that illustrated our brief relationship, like a montage. I completed it and felt better that I had not imagined it all, that in fact it had been real and then I sent him a copy. He has not replied, although I did send 2 emails, the first was quite detailed about how my feelings for him really havn't changed, the 2nd was just to say, don't respond. I'm still on a see-saw. My H doesn't know about the recent contact, but he does know about the affair. I don't deserve sympathy. I guess I would just like to hear from anyone who struggled to get off the see-saw but eventually was able to move on. My thoughts and feelings are sending me in a downward spiral (self-inflicted) and I just need to talk. I am confused about why I cannot let this man go (emotionally). I do love my H but I am really worried about the future with him. We've had alot of counselling already. AR Its all confusing and it hurts.. I feel for you. Keep up with the counseling.. and give it your very best. If you love your H that is great..with that love and desire..fix it. Chin up and smile. Hugs. AP:)
Author Aquarius Rising Posted March 21, 2008 Author Posted March 21, 2008 Its all confusing and it hurts.. I feel for you. Keep up with the counseling.. and give it your very best. If you love your H that is great..with that love and desire..fix it. Chin up and smile. Hugs. AP:) Your heart is beautiful and open and have been the beneficiary here. Thank-you.
Lyssa Posted March 21, 2008 Posted March 21, 2008 Your heart is beautiful and open and have been the beneficiary here. Thank-you. Yes, AP has a beautiful heart. I think my Qs are valid and seeing that you didn't answer them, it probably means you're uncomfortable. Which is fine by me. I wish you all the best. You might want to read up on SoxPrincess - esp her recent thread. She has it well - handled her situation very well.
Author Aquarius Rising Posted March 21, 2008 Author Posted March 21, 2008 Sorry lyssa, I did not intentionally not reply. Just finding it really hard to respond right now. I wish I had the answer to why I can't just focus on my H. Yes we are still together. My heart and head are at war with each other and I'm growing battle-weary. Thank you I will check out SoxPrincess as you've suggested.
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 21, 2008 Posted March 21, 2008 I would not send anything else. His W may be intercepting them, and may well send them to your H.
Owl Posted March 21, 2008 Posted March 21, 2008 Have you and your H been in marriage counseling? How are you "recovering" your marriage from the affair? I'd honestly say, tell your H about the renewed and attempted contacts. BE HONEST WITH HIM. And ask for his help in keeping you accountable and out of contact. Expect him to be hurt/angry at first that the affair has continued (and any hidden contact IS a continuation of the affair)...but hopefully the two of you can work through this and REALLY start to recover. If you want to maintain NC...this is absolutely the best way to go. If you want to recover your marriage...then this is the ONLY way to go. Rebuilding a marriage on anything less than truth and honesty is pretty much gauranteed to fail.
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